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Original poster

I think I just ended my marriage of only 10 months

122 replies

help17 · 03/09/2019 20:16

I need some advice and someone to talk to.

I think I just ended my marriage of only 10 months. Our sex life has been almost non existent due to medical reasons but he has options which he hasn’t done anything about and he has decided he is no longer ready for a baby. We had planned to start trying as soon as w married. He has constantly said in a couple of months and last night I’ve said we can think about it at the end of the year. I don’t believe him and think it’s just stalling again.

He goes out every weekend with his mates and I’ve had enough.

Last night the discussion got heated and I through up something from the past which he took very badly. He said I’m disgusting and basically that one thing I said is far worse than how he is making me feel. I asked to speak to him after work today but he was going to football. He still chose to go to football that try and work out our issues. I told him that since we married, football and ‘the boys’ have been more important to him than me or the plans we made together and even after telling him this, he still chooses football, so I told him to enjoy the boys and football and his single life. He said if that’s what I want then make it official.

Have I made a mistake?

OP posts:
Whatnotwot · 03/09/2019 21:22

I don’t think you have made a mistake. If he would rather go out than talk things through I think that says all you need to know. If this is after 10 months then it doesn’t say a lot about his commitment to making things work. I wish to high heaven I’d had the courage to do what your doing rather than putting up with a crap relationship for many years till I eventually couldn’t take any more. Life is too short.

eladen · 03/09/2019 21:23

I think you've done a brave thing that's the right decision in the long run.

You have to love and value yourself too; if you let this continue you wouldn't be doing either. It would be you who was ill with depression.

Whatnotwot · 03/09/2019 21:24

If having children is a priority too that’s even more of a reason to call it quits. I’m sorry your going through this but you deserve to be with someone on the same page as you and in an equal partnership

Crockof · 03/09/2019 21:25

Leave now, walk away and start again. You are young and you can start again. Don't waste your life trying to make him change.

timshelthechoice · 03/09/2019 21:28

Jesus wept! He's well into adulthood. He needs to own his depression and do something about it. If the pills are effecting his life like this, I mean, if it were you, you'd be at the doctors trying to sort it out! But nah, he's off for the footie and going out with mates because that's what makes him happy.

He doesn't want a baby. And you definitely don't want one with a man like him.

He doesn't want to adult. You need to move on.

Move out, get a divorce.

Maggie272 · 03/09/2019 21:29

I don't think it's wise to take advice about your relationship from strangers...I find it hard to believe that people here are telling you so definitely what to do, when no one but you and your husband know the details of what's going on.

If you can talk about it with your husband, your friend, a counsellor...that would be ideal. My husband got sick, and very depressed, and it took a long time, but it worked out. If I left, maybe I would also be telling you a happy story...everyone and every relationship is so different.
sending much love
maggie x

timshelthechoice · 03/09/2019 21:30

C'mon, he's out 3-4x/week and has been stalling for months. He doesn't want to compromise because he likes things as they are now.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 03/09/2019 21:31

What was the thing you brought up?

(My guess would be that time he cheated?)

Mrskeats · 03/09/2019 21:32

That much time at football/with mates is far too much; you must hardly ever see him. At 32 and wanting a baby you need to make a decision. He doesn’t seem willing to try and solve the problems so I wouldn’t hang about. At 32 sex is already a problem; imagine him at 52.

Mrskeats · 03/09/2019 21:32

Wait. He cheated?

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/09/2019 21:33

If you really want to have a child you are wasting your fertile years with him. He doesn’t sound ready at all or want to concede any form of compromise - ie refusal to take pills to counter libido loss. Atm he doesn’t even have to be ttc. Sex would be good in such a new marriage.

Don’t get caught in the sunken fallacy.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 03/09/2019 21:34

Oh sorry that was just me guessing. I don’t know if he has. It’s just a bit of a tactic for a certain type of man to say that bringing up ‘the past’ is the worst thing ever, even worse than what they actually did.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/09/2019 21:34

Mrsk
Where does it say he cheated?

Supersimkin · 03/09/2019 21:35

Saying you're in a good place therefore you don't want kids is ominous. As is having a good time all the time without you. As is fibbing about wanting kids and getting married.

You're very, very lucky you can get out with no strings. Take that blessed chance and move on.

Aminuts23 · 03/09/2019 21:35

OP I was in your situation. He put off and put off starting a family. I took until I was 40 to leave, too late. Don’t be me. I’m 44 now and no prospects of the family I wanted. Although I’m content with my life, I do have episodes of being sad and angry with the choices I made back then

ChristmasLily · 03/09/2019 21:36

Imagine this...

10 years down the line and he's convinced you that a life without kids is best. He then finds a woman younger than you, fucks off, and starts a family with her.

You need to take your mind to the worst possibility and ask, can you handle it? Some people hide their true selves for a long, long time. He has married you half heartedly. Walk away. Unless you can accept potentially going it alone when you're much older and then too old to have children.

yomommasmomma · 03/09/2019 21:36

In sickness and in health, for better or for worse......

PurpleFlower1983 · 03/09/2019 21:37

Life is too short and you are too old (no offence, I’m older) to be waiting around for him to change if you want a family. Stick to your guns and leave now.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/09/2019 21:38

So, he got depressed just before your wedding and is now distracting himself from your relationship, his ED issues and your feelings, with football and his male friends.

I am sorry but it sounds as though getting married is the source of his issues! Please do look after yourself first and foremost. He is doing just that and expecting you to put up with it... you don't have to, your family will fully understand.

ChristmasLily · 03/09/2019 21:38

Also, next time, don't choose a guy who is only 1 year older than you. They will not have the same biological imperative. You need to aim at least 6-10 years older for them to settle down (especially when it comes to millennials).

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/09/2019 21:39

In sickness and in health, for better or for worse...... In the absence of one party changing the goal posts, misleading the other!

Original poster
help17 · 03/09/2019 21:39

He hasn't cheated. Not sure where that came from 🙈. I'd be gone with no hesitation if that was the case

OP posts:
Span1elsRock · 03/09/2019 21:44

There is at least one thread a day on here if not more about women whose lives are blighted by their DP/DHs mental health issues.

No one can help having this, but you can help yourself to live the best life you can. He's still living the single life, while leaving you to deal with his all crap and issues behind him. Can you honestly say this is the married life you imagined? Talk to your family and there is NO shame in admitting you made a mistake. It's what you learn from those mistakes that count in life Flowers

Lyingonthesofainthedark · 03/09/2019 21:44

Definitely get out of the marriage

Kubo · 03/09/2019 21:44

He's a coward. He has checked out and wants you to do the actual work of breaking up with him.

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