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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My new partner has killed my cat by accident

93 replies

Lorddenning1 · 31/08/2019 08:59

Just that really, it was a tragic accident, we got in the car to go out for the evening and we were travelling around 15 mph when he jumped out and there was no time to react.
He hit him and then I watched my little boy pass away and to make matters worst his injuries were quite severe so I have that forever in my mind :(
It's only been a day and I'm devastated, telling the kids this morning was grim and my oldest is very upset. Can me and my partner get through this, how do we get through this, he is in pieces too :(

OP posts:

ElleDriver · 31/08/2019 09:02

Sorry for your loss, that sounds horrific. But it was an accident, you said yourself he had no time to react. It could have been you driving with the same result.

It's a terrible thing to witness but you can't really blame or judge him for this. He will be feeling awful too.

Original poster

Lorddenning1 · 31/08/2019 09:05

I'm not judging him or blaming him it's a sad situation :(

OP posts:

ElleDriver · 31/08/2019 09:07

Of course it is but by asking if you can get through this it implies that you're thinking of splitting up with him over it? Perhaps I misunderstood....

He will be feeling terrible especially if it is a new relationship and he's trying to impress. It was just an unfortunate and horrible accident.

LatteLove · 31/08/2019 09:08

It was an accident as you say. If he’d done it on purpose I can see how you couldn’t get past it but not if it was just an accident. It’s only just happened and will be very raw, be kind to yourselves x

ThanosSavedMe · 31/08/2019 09:08

If he had said sorry but acted like ‘it’s just a cat’ then. I I don’t think I could get over it. But it was an accident, you said he’s genuinely sorry and feels terrible. What else do you want him to do. Poor guy.

flapjackfairy · 31/08/2019 09:08

Of course you will get through it it was a horrible accident. So v sad. I have lost a cat on the road and she was hit in front of me. It was awful and it takes time to get over.
So sorry for your loss and be v kind to each other x

catwithnohat · 31/08/2019 09:11

I have to say I'm not sure I'd be able to forgive him fully. I realise that it was an accident but it would be always be in the back of my mind.

But then I'm a complete wuss over our animals and find it hard to even go on holiday (cat sitters etc).

Ohyesiam · 31/08/2019 09:14

If you’re not judging or blaming then you can get through it.
I lost my lovely girl cat this week so I really understand how you feel x

user1483387154 · 31/08/2019 09:15

ofc you get over it. it was a tragic accident not something done maliciously or through lack of care.

LatteLove · 31/08/2019 09:15

I have to say I'm not sure I'd be able to forgive him fully.

Forgive him for what? He didn’t do anything wrong. Cats jump out in front of cars leaving the drivers with no time to react.

orangeshoebox · 31/08/2019 09:16

it was an accident. could have happened to you, or your children.

either you want to be with your partner or not.

MeggyMeg · 31/08/2019 09:16

It was an accident and it was a cat, not one of your children.

I agree it's sad and awful but I think you need some perspective.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 31/08/2019 09:18

I can't see why you wouldn't get through it? It wasn't deliberate, I find it odd that you would question it tbh.
Sorry about your cat though.

CatPunsFreakMeowt · 31/08/2019 09:18

I’m so sorry. What a horrible thing to happen. I wouldn’t make any rash decisions now but can actually understand why you’d be struggling with this. It would always be in the back of my mind too.

AMAM8916 · 31/08/2019 09:20

I think the OP maybe meant how can they get through the sadness and shock rather than get through it as a couple and stay together.

It must be such a shock for you both and really sad

Illuminated · 31/08/2019 09:20

I'm sorry that happened but really if it was kept inside it would have been safe. I am all for cats being kept in, or have access to an outdoor enclosure for their own safety there is no need for them to roam. They can live happy, fulfilling and often longer lives being kept inside and safe.

Things like this happen all the time, poor cat :(

Original poster

Lorddenning1 · 31/08/2019 09:20

Maybe I have worded it wrong, I am not considering ending it, I mean how do I get through it, it's raw I'm sad and I keep getting upset but I don't want to keep doing it in front of him and I don't want to make him feel worst, will it ease over time, I'm so so upset, he was a special cat and had his little quirks, I saw him around 20 mins before the accident lying on my sons bed and I wish I had given him a cuddle :( I keep expecting him to come in for his breakfast

OP posts:

Sorrysorrysosorry · 31/08/2019 09:21

my beautiful boy was hit by a car. Hit and run so I didn’t know the driver but I felt such anger and hatred for them. It faded, but it took time. I still miss my boy but the pain and anger has subsided.

It’s straight after the accident, you need to grieve. It will then become clear if you and your partner can get through this.
So sorry for your loss.

Sorrysorrysosorry · 31/08/2019 09:23

Ahhh cross post. Cry if you need to, you can’t hold it in. I sobbed for weeks. Just make it clear you are not blaming him but you still need to cry and have him comfort you.

ThanosSavedMe · 31/08/2019 09:25

Sorry I misunderstood. Let yourself grieve, don’t try and hide it from your dp, let him help you.

FlamingoQueen · 31/08/2019 09:28

I witnessed the aftermath of someone else hitting a cat (they had driven off) and the poor little thing was in torment so I stayed with him until he died. He did die very quickly and because it was in the middle of a fairly busy road someone else moved his body to the side of the road and I rang the vets and asked if they would pick him up. They did and when I spoke to them later they said the cat was microchipped and they would ring the owner. I told them to make sure they tell the owner that their darling cat was not on his own when he died and he had someone who cared with him.
This happened earlier on this year and it took me weeks to get over. I felt awful - and it wasn’t even my cat. I am really sorry for your loss, but I imagine your other half must feel pretty dreadful too. Just give it time.

Jesaminecollins · 31/08/2019 09:30

I personally would never forgive him - but perhaps you can put it behind you and go on to get a new pet later

AfterSchoolWorry · 31/08/2019 09:33

oh, that's so sad. 💔

😿 I'm so sorry.

Polkadotdelight · 31/08/2019 09:34

Two of mine have been run over by neighbours (a few years apart) which is ironic because we chose the quietest estates to make it safer for the cats. Both times the neighbours were very upset themselves and has awful feelings of guilt but cats will run out. He must be feeling dreadful. You will both feel better with time.

KUGA · 31/08/2019 09:35

AH so sad,
Accidents do happen .
Its too early to get to grips with it so mourn your loss.
In time life will get better for you all.

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