I sent a message and got this back

[Mondayblues17]

I dated someone a while back, just over a year ago. I will call him John. At the time my ex was constantly abusing me (still), calling me saying he was going to kill himself, telling me he wasn’t well, threatening to lock me in the house an so on. I dated this new guy for around 3 months, during which time my ex was still trying very much to get back into my life, despite me ending the relationship almost 8 months earlier. On one occasion me and the new man met up and I just burst into tears and said I needed to leave. I didn’t give him an explanation, I was just a broken mess and felt like I couldn’t trust anyone and had given up in life in general.

I’m back to my usual self now after a lot of counselling. I messaged John and said could we meet for a chat, that I was sorry about what happened while we were dating, that I wish I had been totally honest with him about what was going on and that I would love the opportunity to apologise in person and give him a proper explanation. I said that I didn’t at all expect for anything romantic to come over, just that I wanted to make things right as far as I could as between us.

He read the message and then blocked me. I feel really sad. I didn’t expect us to be an item again although I would definitely have been open to it if I am honest. Mostly I feel my ex stole so much of my time and energy and now I am myself, me, the real me, I just wanted the opportunity to apologise to John and actually tell him the whole truth. It was selfish wasn’t it? I feel like shit about the fact he blocked me but then perhaps anyone would do that given he had no explanation at the time as to my behaviour.

@89Emma89
Perhaps as a man. You should just look up free porn. There’s a lot of it.

*in the message I actually said I understand if you don’t reply and I won’t try to contact you again.

I think he could have just said thanks for the message but I don’t want to meet up, good luck... or whatever!*

Well then straight away you've been dishonest, haven't you? Because you don't understand and think he should have acted differently, to make you feel better.

I've had a message like that from an ex. I wish I'd blocked him first time. Sorry if you're genuinely regretful, but this guy did right, for him, and didn't take any chances.

Also he has set a firm boundary & the OP you will learn from this one. This is a good lesson to learn to keep past baggage behind you when commencing something new, waiting till you're emotionally ready to date.

I think what's happened is that he was either hurt or completely baffled by you just leaving him hanging, a year has gone by and he may have moved on or simply doesn't want to put himself in a position where that could happen again.

It's not your fault but think of all the posts on here where women go on dates, get ghosted and then feel awful.

If I was John's friend then I'd tell him that he 100% did the right thing. There's no point in sending a message telling someone to fuck off. It was a year ago and a short fling so blocking and immediately forgetting is healthy for him imo.

I realise that it's not your fault that you were in a shit situation at the time and in an ideal world you'd meet John now rather than then. However that's not the case so it's time time to draw a line under things and move on. There's too much water under the bridge now.

It's good that you're going to ignore the advice to write to him because that was terrible advice.

It's even better that you've spent the past year working on yourself so that you'll be ready when a better man comes into your life.

It's a rude and cowards way to stop contact, and personally i think you had a lucky escape from him

This said to a woman who was dating the guy for three months, burst into tears, left with no explanation and never contacted him again until 12 months on in some form of wishing to assuage some guilt over it.

There are always some posters on MN for whom women get a free pass and all men are to be distrusted and total shits. Not surprised to see a few on this thread.

Put yourself in his shoes. What was in it for him?

t's not rude to block someone who ghosts and zombies you.
It's the way the dating world works.

People meet. One disappears and returns several months later with a sob story. They stick around for a bit and do it again.

Much easier to block.

He could have said no. But for he knows she could then start asking why. Either way he's going to block her.

Some are worth not blocking purely for entertainment purposes. Reading the shite they come out with is laughable.

I have been ghosted and blocked (for unknown reasons) and done the blocking (to protect my mental health). It stings to be blocked, but I now appreciate that sometimes people do it to protect themselves. I think John did the best thing TBH and, as some had rightly pointed out, the standard MN advice would be to block anyone coming back into your life after a years worth of ghosting.

Try not to feel too bad about it though, you offered an explanation which clearly he doesn’t want or need. You’ve accepted that, so time to move on. Sounds like you’ve been through a lot with your ex and i hope that situation is sorted now.

I think if you dated for just three months, he probably wasn't emotionally invested enough to really need to hear you out or have an explanation. It's not necessary imo.

Forgive me if I'm wrong but I think perhaps you just want to talk about what happened with someone?

it wasn't meant to be. no need to create a drama. 3 months isn't long and is probably ancient history to him. just move on.

This may sound a bit harsh, but if John was only in your life for 3 months and it's been a year since you last saw him then John has most likely moved on and doesn't need/ want or care about an apology from you.
Sounds like something you wanted to do for yourself more than for Johns benefit.
You offered, he declined. Rather than seeing it as a negative try and look at it as a positive that chapter is now closed and you can move forward

And just because he's single on his FB account means nothing.
I know lots of people who are in relationships but appear single on FB. Plus the relationship might be a new one.