Dp deserves better than me but he won't listen

[OhLookItsThatTime]

I've come to realise that my dp and I are not very well suited.

We have been together 6 years and have 2 children together.

After having our second child I have completely stopped caring for dp.

It sounds very cold and heartless, I know.

I show him no affection and am more happy when he's out at work or just out the house.

I've tried telling him that I want to leave him so he can be with someone who cares for him and loves him but he just brushes it off.

Obviously I don't want to split our family up but it's not fair on me or dp or our children to live in a household where we don't get on.

I feel like he's wasting his life being with me but he just won't listen.
I don't want to just leave him as I want him to understand my reasons first.

How can I make him realise what I'm trying to say?

You have young DCs. Is all your time and energy taken up with caring for them, so that you have none left for DP? If so, I think it’s quite common.

@NabooThatsWho he also has medical conditions that I struggle to deal with, I should have stated in the op, sorry!

These have only come to light after having our dc.

Someone else would be able to help him buy supporting him and having a positive attitude but I just can't do it.

Pretty passive aggressive of you to say it this way tho? Are you not saying you deserve better, or you all deserve better?

Why not leave? It must be really fucking shit for him that you keep saying it. How is he supposed to respond? Sounds like massive attention seeking to me. Just move out.

Well if he won’t leave and you’re completely genuine about ‘setting him free’ then the only option is for you to leave him, isn’t it?

You don’t have to get him to understand or accept it if you really want to end it.

Why should HE leave the house and kids in this situation?

Pretty passive aggressive of you to say it this way tho? Are you not saying you deserve better, or you all deserve better?

This. Shouldn't you just say 'I don't love you anymore'. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and accept you're going to look like the 'bad guy'.

You can do better than me is a head bending ex used to say when he wanted to be able to sleep with me but still be a twat to me. I'd just think 'bless him, I know he's better than he thinks he is, he is worthy of me'.

Woah !!!

I don't want him to leave! I said I want to leave.

I don't want to just leave without him knowing why that would be plain selfish.

Not saying I deserve better at all. Saying he deserves to be with someone who loves him and cares for him.

If I did leave him I wouldn't want to be with anyone else as I couldn't show them the love or affection they require.

I don't think I'm being selfish or attention seeking. I simply want him to know that I want him to be happy with someone else who can offer him love and support as I can't .

You said you’ve told him. Tell him again then make plans to leave if
That’s what you want.

Sounds like you will need to take control then if the relationship is over and consult a solicitor and sort it out. You don't have to stay with some one you are not in love with.

You’re dressing up you wanting out of the relationship as a selfless act, it isn’t, it isn’t. Instead of all the ‘I’m doing it for your benefit’ malarkey, just be honest and tell him you want out.

*@PaterPower
"Why should HE leave the house and kids in this situation?"
Where has OP said anything about expecting him to leave?

She states:
I've tried telling him that I want to leave him
and
I don't want to just leave him as I want him to understand my reasons first.

I've tried telling him that I want to leave him so he can be with someone who cares for him and loves him but he just brushes it off.

That's horrendous OP!
You don't tell someone you want to leave because it would be better for them!! Absolving you of all guilt because you're 'doing it for the other person'!! WTH?
You want to leave him, you're going to hurt him! Own it and stop making this about him.

Ffs. How noble of you.
Just leave him, it’ll be so much kinder in the long run. What you’re doing now is unkind.

Oh yes I forgot these days couples just walk out on each other without any good reason

I am trying to leave on good terms with dp understanding why I'm going. He's not understanding. I am not being selfish at all. I'm in way over my depth and I genuinely want him to be with a partner who can support him.

I have no interest in any other future relationships for myself.

Just dump the poor fucker, staying to ‘make him understand’ is just pointless and stupid and cruel.
What are you doing to do? Relentlessly tell him over and over that he’s too good for you and “Its not you it’s me.” Pile of bollocks. Stop being a dick and put the poor guy out of his misery.

I didn't say he's too good for me! No ones better than the other we are just not compatible.

Basically you are telling him "you neded to break up with me". This sounds like such a mind fuck towards him. Don't be so manipulative. YOU want to break up. YOU don't love him anymore. Don't pin this on him, that is so terribly unkind of you.

You do have good reason, you don’t love him, and you don’t care about him. What more reason do you want? He will come to understand but of course it’s easier for him to bury his head right now because, as you’ve proved, you’ll stay if he does.

How old is your littlest? Have you ruled out post natal depression?

You’ve told him you want to split up so that’s it you now make plans to move out, you're never going to get him to ‘agree’, you just say “I’m sorry but it’s over.” Then you go, that’s it.
All this pussy footing around is not helping anyone you’re just prolonging the agony for him.
You need to move out so that he can grieve the relationship and move on, your way is like putting someone through mental torture, he’ll be clinging on to the fact you’re still there and take it to mean there is a chance only for you to dump him in the end anyway. Just leave to poor guy and let him move on.

Oh yes I forgot these days couples just walk out on each other without any good reason **

The fact that you don't want to be in a relationship with him is a good reason if ever I heard one.
Poor bloke.

your way is like putting someone through mental torture, he’ll be clinging on to the fact you’re still there and take it to mean there is a chance only for you to dump him in the end anyway. Just leave to poor guy and let him move on.

This

There is no way to understand “I have completely stopped caring for you”. You’re allowed to feel that way, but you’re not allowed to demand a specific response from him that is what you think is appropriate or shows full “understanding”. If you want to leave then leave. He’ll come to accept it but he might not ever “understand” in the way you apparently want him to.