Is it normal to be shouted at in a relationship?

[Donotlikeloudnoise]

Just that really, as I am losing grip of what is acceptable and what is not. DP has angry outbursts, 2 this month,both in front of DC. Takes me the rest of the day to get over it

No. No, it's not.

No. Husband has never shouted at me, nor I at him. Together 15 years, married 11, 3 kids.

....mainly due to me leaving a messy kitchen. But it can be sparked by other things. Today DC said it frightened him, but when I told DP this, he immediately asked DC. Of course DC denied it completely. Makes me feel so sad

no, of course it isn’t normal. especially in front of children!

I grew up thinking that it was absolutely normal. My mum and dad shouted at each other at least twice a week. It was totally normal. It wasn't until I had kids and joined mumsnet that I realised how totally unacceptable it was. I've never been shouted at in a relationship and I thought I must have just been really lucky. I only realised a few years ago that my parents where the odd ones out.

Are they his children?
And it’s not normal in a loving relationship

It is the level of the shouting. Totally disproportionate to what I've done.

Nope

No my husband never shouted at me. We had arguments of course but never raised voices. And never in front of the kids.

Yes his DS. He is very critical of DS, but does not normally shout at him. He has carried on now like everything is perfectly normal.

Not normal and not acceptable.

If you don’t want your children to have adult relationships like this - featuring verbal abuse - then you need to leave him and show them it’s not okay.

Never mind the shouting, what gives him the right to chastise you over a messy kitchen,

The answer is Nothing, OP

Even if a thousand of us said it was normal if youre unhappy its unacceptable to you.

It's a horrible way to live and disastrous for children

Not normal at all.

Do you think he shouts at people at work? Or at anyone other than you?

No Dh has never shouted at me in anger. We have been married 20 years.

We might have heated discussions but there is never shouting or abusive language used to make a point.

It is verbal abuse. There is a very good book by Patricia Evans called the verbally abusive relationship.

I just feel so isolated and unsure of what to do or where to start.

Tell him to never shout at you again. That’s a start

Juniper. Yes he shouts at other people. My family (now NC) and other people ( not everyone but a couple in the past I can think of).

I've asked him many times not to shout at me, especially in front of DS

I would contact your local domestic violence support group and the Rights of Women organisations.

What do you want to teach your kids about relationships and what are they learning here?. Your children cannot afford to grow up thinking that verbal abuse is at all normal. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE. And the nice/nasty cycle he is showing you is also a continuous one.

No not normal. DH has never shouted at me (nor I him) and we've been together 7 years.

Just for info, I am quietly spoken. Never shout. Ever

Asking him not to shout at you is a waste of time; he acts like this because he can and he also feels entitled to do this. Such behaviour is rooted in power and control which is at the heart of abuse. He wants absolute over you and these children.

Ultimately you need to leave this man due to his abuse of you and in turn them. You have a choice re this man, your children do not.