Would you suspect something?

[CheezePlant]

Have had a difficult few months with my DH who has seemed very distant from me. I've asked him a few times if there's someone else and he's got very angry with me (one time he got so angry that he bashed a piece of furniture and damaged it- I just like to say that there is NOT a chance that he would do that to me and I don't feel scared or threatened by him.)

But he constantly on his phone. If I look on WhatsApp I can see that he's either online or very very recently online. Occasionally I'll ask him who he's messaging and it'll be "the lads" or a member of his family.

I don't want to look at his phone as that would make me look like a twat wouldn't it. Give him the upper hand.

Last night he was sat in a really stupid spot in the house in his phone and I could see he was on WhatsApp. I could see that he was deleting a chat but couldn't read who the person was or even the chat as it was the reflection I could see and too far away.

When we went to bed he was in the bathroom with his phone and I could see he was online again.

I asked him who he'd been chatting to this evening (which makes me feel like a horrible controlling wife checking up on him!) and he snapped at me that it was his two work colleagues and "did I want to see?!"

Obviously, I saw him deleting a chat (fairly sure I did anyway - I didn't have a clear view) so anything incriminating wouldn't have been there would it?

I don't really know what to do...

@CheezePlant - I would stop asking him questions and stop hoping he'll be a good guy and check his phone.

cheeze I cheat and I try to keep the lying to a minimum, but yes I would. Because I'm not willing to give up a situation which makes my marriage bearable.

I’m with a married guy and we do all our communicating through WhatsApp. And before anyone starts I didn’t know he was married for the first 2 years of being together, it’s only when I fell pregnant and had his child did the truth all come out. Not ideal, but it’s a complicated situation and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. His wife knows but pretends not to. And yes with the WhatsApp all he does is delete our conversation every day and my number from his phone. It can be done.

For sure he is up to no good.
Who on earth uses the mobile in the bathroom ?.
Heard this soooooo many times.
Ive said in other posts I know of someone who was seen by his wife with another women and TO THIS DAY HE DENIES IT . She also saw txts etc
And had calls from the bitch after he stopped seing her.
Or supposedly stopped.
Go with your gut instinct .
Its` almost always right.
SADLY,

Wow this threads like a magnet for cheaters

You’re asking for advice. The cheaters as you view us are giving you the simple truth but for some reason you don’t want to acknowledge it. If you want to pretend your husband isn’t cheating go ahead but don’t make a thread about it if you don’t want people to give you honest answers. You’ve mentioned a few classic signs of cheating, distant and always on his phone, granted other things could be going on but you clearly think things aren’t adding up yourself.

Wow this threads like a magnet for cheaters

And Mumsnet is full of mugs. Astounded by the level of naivety on here.

Is being naive a bigger crime than cheating these days? Fuck me!

But you asked for advice and people that have in most probability been in your husbands position are best placed to do that. Why don't you do what Zaphodsotherhead suggested up thread. Suggest a night just the two of you with no phones

He is cheating and his aggression when you asked him if there was someone else is proof enough. Think about it - if he accused to of having someone else, would you get violent or aggressive? No

He has shown he is violent and you should believe that. Your 'not feeling scared or threatened by him' is meaningless - I wasn't consciously scared or threatened by my ex who used to beat crap out of me on a regular basis. Until I'd been No Contact for 6 months.

He is controlling you by fear - you can't ask him about another woman or he'll kick off.

This is no way to live, whether there's another woman or not. Get out. Get out now.

If you delete and reinstall WhatsApp it backs up conversations that have been deleted.

Just sayin.

Is being naive a bigger crime than cheating these days? Fuck me!

I don’t think anyone has said that have they?
Anyway, all the best with your situation, let’s see how it plays out.

My husband lied to me many times when confronted. He blamed it on me being insecure. Dreadful and dispicable behaviour to gaslight someone to distract from your own sins. Anyway, he got found out in the end, the lying, cheating scum bucket. I kicked him out. It was the lies to my face that destroyed me. He was sooo good at lying and covering his tracks.

I'm a mum, and a cheater.

A night without your phone is doable, as is a couple of days with limited phone use. Delete apps or hide in folders with a password. Not hard.

Sorry OP. Sounds horribly familiar. The relentless messaging and anger over perfectly reasonable questions. My ex was so arrogant he would message the OW in my presence and pretend it was to his 13 year old daughter. I appreciate it is the worst feeling in the world but if you can, have a look at his phone. I found streams of whatsapp to the OW alongside another chat app active to three other women. Good luck x

I really don't know how to look at his phone. It would have to be while he sleeps and he'd probably wake up!!

I think even at this point if I asked to borrow his phone it would look like I was being very suspicious of him and cause an argument

I think even at this point if I asked to borrow his phone

Please don't ask

Just take it when he's asleep

I don't condone this sort of thing but quite frankly how else are you going to find out?

And fyi stop asking him questions so he stops deleting message quite so promptly

TBH, if someone was ignoring me, constantly on the phone, angry outbursts when questioned about it and violent to the point of smashing furniture they'd be gone, regardless of whether they were cheating or not. Sounds horrendous. What are you actually getting out of this relationship that's positive?

I’m sorry OP, but spouses will lie to their partners face.

Just been on a similar thread.... Are yous on android or iPhone? Easy ways to clone the app and see for yourself....

@combatbarbie I've got an iPhone.

If he doesn't have it password or finger print protected he's mad.

If he deletes every message then what will you find if you access his phone while he is asleep?

Agree with the others it looks dodgy.