Dating a man with MH issues, WWYD?

[SatOnTheRemote]

I've been dating a new man for a couple of months but he seems to have gone quite cold lately.

His contact became less and less and it would always be me initiating dates, he was quite short with me through text yesterday so I decided I'd keep intact my dignity and wished him luck for the future saying I'll be leaving it there.

He comes back to me today apologizing for taking his mood out on me, being quite sweet and said he'd been feeling quite weighed down (he has mental health issues)

I offered my support if he felt he needed to talk, or have somebody keep him company and i said this because he said he'd been sat couped up in his room in the dark. He's now gone quiet again.

What would you do in this situation? Do I continue to reach out or do I leave him be?

I care about him so I feel uncomfortable walking away if he really is in crisis, but I don't want to make a nuisance of myself, or a fool.

The hills your looking for are that way now run! And maybe consider some therapy for yourself to figure out what drew you in to such a man because he sounds quite unhinged.

I think it was to inveigle himself more into your life, like a dog marking territory, cracking boundaries, more knowledge and more power. The monster and eating babies text beyond weird. PS. Now I think of it, your good terms ex coming to your house to look after and collect children probably annoyed him because it functioned as a barrier or protection.

Glad you’re out of it. Try and think of some future nice plans to look forward to?

I'm already in therapy for reasons unrelated to relationships but I will raise it with my therapist at my next session.

I realise he sounds bizarre, but this is a very change. He came across very well until around 2 weeks ago and his personality (mask) has been slipping rapidly since then. I've been firm about boundaries and what I will and won't allow and it's since I've made them crystal clear that he's gone strange.

Until recently there were no red flags because he was portraying his best self, but now the mask has slipped and he's showing his true self.

I knew he had MH problems but they didn't interfere with us courting, so I'm absolutely certain now (reinforced by you lot) that all of this is nothing to do with mental health, but personality.

I'm fairly confident he doesn't know my address and don't see how he could have gotten it.

MH aside, he sounds like an utter arsehole.

Have you blocked him yet?

Yes I have he's blocked everywhere

Well maybe he had MH issues, maybe he didn’t. Trying to get people to feel sorry for you and pity you can be a v effective disarming and manipulative ploy. Interestingly it is the no. 1 tactic of a psychopath (not to suggest he is one op, i’d just not take anything at face value).

He does seem to want people to pity him, he's very "woe is me my life has been so hard" yet very self obsessed at the same time

How have you left it with him? Did you tell him you didn't want any more contact?

I didn't say anything at all I just blocked him. I felt it was pointless getting back into dialogue with him because whatever he comes out with would likely be BS

Our last exchange was me telling him that he obviously couldn't come round at 4/5/6 am this morning

Well done. Be careful and vigilant. He is likely to get angry or stalkerish. Does he know where you work etc?
Stalking and harassment is when someone contacts you two more times after you have said NC. Document this and approach the police for advice if you need to.

His behaviour is classic abuser - MH is a red herring / excuse. Does sound like a psycho. Expect gifts in the post or “fly monkeys” (that friend with the 4 kids) - to make contact.

Balls. I should have sent a message saying do not contact me again, first.

He does know where I work yes but he'd be stupid to hang around there as it's a stone's throw from a police station.

You could for the record text that you don’t want anymore contact, you are blocking his number now and if he does not adhere this you will be contacting the police. I would also check out Claire’s Law.

Fair enough, but another strategy would be to say /text you’ve decided it’s better you don’t see each other anymore. Ignore any responses or attempts to pull you into communication (but keep any strange responses) then block that on phone a bit further down the line. My reasoning is that blocking everything instantaneously with no explanation can heighten the drama.

You could still unblock him on phone and text.

I think you should be clear you are ending it.

Milly that’s a good point. Tell him a it’s over and you want zero further contact. Save any immediate subsequent malicious texts for police and then block after a day or two. But do you really want to expose yourself to that? Unless the texts can get filtered somewhere where you can’t see them?

I too think you should tell him explicitly, not to contact you again. Unless you do he has an “excuse” to try to make contact via work etc.

I would tell him that but Change your number aswell as he may try to call of private number

I've kept him blocked but just sent a text letting him know I've blocked his number and don't want to be contacted any more.

He's blocked on sms, WhatsApp, Instagram Facebook and email.

If I get any withheld calls etc from him I'll report it to the police after 2 attempts.

This isn't about MH.
This guy has creepy written all over him. I agree with the suggestion that you tell him you want no further contact, and then block. Don't lose any of those texts, FB stuff etc. Keep everything.

Claire's law is a good idea.

He needs at least to be on someone's radar - that message from the young girl re " Uncle" bothers me. Not a healthy dynamic.

Trust your instincts, they are there for a reason, and well done you for looking after your little ones and yourself. Don't feel foolish if something makes you uncomfortable.

Great, you can enjoy your weekend now. You’re well rid.

Maybe she was asking 'angrily' about her uncle cause she knows he has a wife? xD

He's proper creepy though, you're well shot. Sounds more like a disorders personality than a mh issue tbh. Its pretty common for narcissists ect to claim depression and similar to get you to be more forgiving of their shitty behaviours.

He's definitely not married I'm %100 sure of that, he was very open on his social media and posted plenty of pictures of the two of us for his family and friends to see and 'like'

He's just a weirdo isn't he, i wouldn't be at all surprised if he has a personality disorder.

Yes good riddance I say. Here's to a creep free weekend