I feel so so stupid

[Loveyou3000]

Have been with my boyfriend for a year, he lived with me for 6 months whilst in between jobs and moved into his own room in a house he shares with another bloke a few months ago as we aren't really at that point yet, to be living together long term especially when we both have kids.

He's become a huge part of my DD's life. We've had a few issues but things have been fine for the past few months.

My friend and I were going through her Tinder, after a few glasses of wine and came across my boyfriend's best friend, and I jokingly said swipe right, she did and they matched. Straight away she said 'I'm (boyfriend)'s girlfriend's best friend!' he replied with "so you are friends with Jess?". My name is not Jess. Nothing even close to Jess.

I immediately called him and asked who Jess was, he became defensive, called me "schitz" and told me to not contact him again.

I really don't know what to make of this. His excuse was his ex is named Jess, but they haven't been together for years, since then he has had another relationship with a woman for 3 years, and they have a child together. Then they split and we have been together ever since. I have met this best friend multiple times and he is aware of my name and who I am. He also claims that he just doesn't talk to his friends about me... As I'm typing this I realise how utterly stupid I have been. He doesn't have me on Facebook, either.
I know I wasn't being unreasonable in asking him about this, I'm just a bit confused not sure it's sunk in yet.

Picture of the Tinder exchange. Apologies for the bad blurring have limited tools on my phone. Sorry if this is all over the place, my head is a mess. I feel really stupid.

I think those of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse know narcissism is real.

Whilst I agree that the term 'narc' is bandied about too easily this doesn't mean narcissism doesn't exist at all. It is very real and the effects are life-changing.

When I was battling to leave my NPD husband I met 'experts' who had read it all in the books and thought they knew it all. They were a fresh kind of hell when I was at my very lowest, unable to fight them bcs it took all my energy to stay alive. I had to weather their know it all attitude, their supreme confidence in their professional skills. You remind me of them Windmill - I'm sorry.

You have made your points, over and over, and are increasingly attacking a poster who I recognise, by her account, to be a survivor of narcissistic abuse. You seem to need to have the last word? For those of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse, we don't need yet another person who forces their opinion home and has to have the last word.

Step away from the keyboard please. You have made your points very clearly. You can't control that the term narc is bandied about so easily - we all have to wait for this mania to pass, you included.

You have added to the debate and that's enough now. Leave it to the survivors to speak for themselves now I think.

Respectfully, springydaff, as you are not a moderator you do not have authority to tell me to not post on this thread.

I posted on this thread last night and had said all I wanted to. However, on reading this morning that I apparently don't recognise narcisstic abuse, wanted to clarify that couldn't be further from the truth.

By refusing to accept the op's partner is a narcissist doesn't mean I don't recognize it. I just don't believe in this case he is. And certainly not on a few examples of behaviour at stressful time.

My experience of NPD isn't just from reading books. It's from working with women who have been destroyed by NPD. It's about listening to them, apportioning blame where it belongs (with the abuser), and helping them to rebuild their lives.

If I have attacked anyone on here I think it would have been reported and dealt with. Disagreeing with someone is not an attack. We are all entitled to our opinions.

Yes, your opinion had been forcefully and repeatedly pushed on the thread, dominating it. Your opinion was heard the first time.

I honestly thought you'd be too embarrassed to have the last word. It seems not.

Absolutely not ashamed, no.

I will defend myself when necessary. As I would expect anyone would.