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Original poster

Marriage break up husband moaning about money.

109 replies

Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 08:48

My husband walked out on me and kids last weekend . He said I made him miserable and he didn't fancy me anymore. For years on and off we have put up with his bad temper. Punching holes in doors and going mental over small things. Things were getting better but this year got worse. He said lots in anger . He keeps moaning how he will now have to pay 2 sets of bills and pay mortgage on our house and rent for himself. When he bought house he didn't put my name on it.one Christmad he just sat in recliner for most of the holiday while I ran about like an idiot. I told him to go . He went to his mum's and text me saying what a good mum and wife I am and he took me for granted. He said so I feel better he will put my name on house. He never did:( I have got a form coming to complete to stop him selling house before youngest is 18. He keeps moaning about money and how he has lost everything. He is the one that refused anger management and marriage guidance. He is the one that walked out. Me and kids feel better and like a weight lifted from our shoulders. My 2 eldest who are mine from a previous said they don't have to walk in eggshells. My three youngest who I have with my husband haven't noticed the difference because after work he would have dinner get in shower and bed. Despite all this I cannot help but feel sorry for him . Even though I use to cry and he would shout " why are you balling ". Anyone else had ex paying for both ? I work from home and of course doing my bit best I can. I can't go to an office job again until my youngest at school.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/08/2019 08:57

A court is unlikely to order more than child support for the children that are his. He won’t be expected to pay for two houses and all their bills.

If you get an order to remain in the house because of the children you will need to show you can afford the mortgage yourself.

Peanutbuttericecream · 21/08/2019 09:00

You need a shit hot solicitor. Stop discussing anything with him and communicate only through your solicitor. He has responsibilities and the law will ensure he complies. 💐

Idontwanttotalk · 21/08/2019 09:14

You should be receiving maintenance from your ex to contribute towards the care of your oldest 2 children.

You will receive maintenance from your husband towards looking after your youngest 3 children based on how custody is split.

You are living currently in your husband's home. As it is the home of his children you may be able to live there until the children are grown up but you will only be allowed to stay there if you can afford to. He won't be expected to cover the mortgage and bills there and rent a place for himself.

If you can't afford to stay in his house then then can you not rent somewhere so that you have a different home to work from?

You both need legal advice.

Anniegetyourgun · 21/08/2019 09:34

You are living currently in your husband's home

Er, if they're married they both have rights to it, surely, regardless of whose name is on the deeds? I second the advice above to get legal input ASAP, and don't agree to anything at this stage.

Also don't feel sorry for the miserable git, at least not now; dwell on it when the legal bit is over, if you must. Maybe he had a rough childhood etc, but there's nothing you can do to make it better. Your priority now is to keep a roof over your children's heads, whatever it takes.

Rubbinghimsweetly2 · 21/08/2019 10:10

You have to get yourself in the best financial position as possible.

There is no reason you can't get a job before youngest goes to school, this is just an excuse. I had 3 jobs when my children were very small. I hate this excuse/reason, millions of women doing it all over the world.

You're probably fucked re the house.

Of course get all the benefits you can.

Sort out maintenance now, get that ball rolling.

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 13:04

Yes I do have rights to home. I don't have to leave until youngest who is only 1 is 18

OP posts:
itsmecathycomehome · 21/08/2019 13:05

I think you need to see a lawyer, because that's what he will be doing soon enough.

I doubt that you will be able to stay in the house until your youngest is 18, given that she hasn't even started school yet.

DC take priority but the legal system does aim for parity where possible; he must be able to house himself adequately and have sufficient space for contact with his dc.

How long were you married? Was house bought before or after you were married?

You need to make plans to return to work ASAP. I'm sorry to say that I really don't think that the financial settlement will go as you seem to think it will.

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 13:06

It's not an excuse btw. Like I said info earn money from home . When youngest is at school I may want to work on the outside world. He is paying for bills for now as they will freeze my tax credits etc. I'm just seeing if anyone been through similar and how they stayed strong through it all.thsnks. no trolls please. He left not me and he said himself I'm a good mum etc.

OP posts:
itsmecathycomehome · 21/08/2019 13:07

"Yes I do have rights to home. I don't have to leave until youngest who is only 1 is 18"

This is not an entitlement and is by no means certain at all. It is one possibility, not a certainty.

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 13:11

He didn't have a rough child hood. He always got his own way. His mum use to mother him like a child until she died. She was the typical old school Greek mum/wife and I think that's what he wants in a woman. His family use to tell her to slow down and stop. I guess that was up to her but he wanted a mother not a lover and I gave so much and just felt isolated a d lonely. I tried so hard to make it work for kids but they could not see me cry all the time and him raging like an animal

OP posts:
itsmecathycomehome · 21/08/2019 13:11

How long were you married?
Was house purchased before or during marriage?
Is he a high earner?

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 13:12

Yes I know it not entitlement. Thanks . I'm sorting all of that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 13:12

He is self employed and does well plus has lots of inheritance left over

OP posts:
Littlefluffycloudos · 21/08/2019 13:18

Unless a court has ordered it you don't have a right to reside in the house until your child is 18. And Mesher orders like this are unusual these days.

If you have been married for a decent amount of time and then your assets are likely to be joint. If he agrees for you to stay in the house and pays half the mortgage then fine but if he doesn't the likely outcome would be to sell it and split the assets.

itsmecathycomehome · 21/08/2019 13:19

He will attempt to minimise his income and ringfence inheritance.

He will claim - maybe accurately - that he can't afford to support two households, and that he cannot wait 17yrs for his share of the equity to adequately house himself.

He may claim that he cannot leave his name on the mortgage as it limits the possibility of him mortgaging a property for himself.

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 13:20

If he does that then he can . He is so tight he will not pay for a solicitor. He can do what he likes .

OP posts:
Dandelion1993 · 21/08/2019 13:28

It's likely the house will be sold and assets split so you can both afford a place of your own.

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 13:34

I won't be able to afford house to fit 5 kids and me in . Especially where we live I would have to live away from their school where they are thriving and away from my support. I would have to rent . He would be ok though. That's life as they say x

OP posts:
user1486131602 · 21/08/2019 13:35

That’s called a mercher Order.
It’s not often to find a man that has left thats pays for 2.
Usually, he will only have to pay to support his kids and somewhere for himself.
He has left himself in this mess by having the property in his only.
You need to get your solicitor to protect your rights and your children’s without concern for him. As you say, he walked out.

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 13:38

Yeah my brother said he will help with solicitor

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 21/08/2019 13:40

Since his mum died before you divorced, then a judge can and will use that for needs.
Work out your equity, the pensions, accounts of money , and then how much is half . If it enough for you too keep the house?
The inheritance if used to buy the house will be counted as joint.

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 15:20

Thank you. I think he will hide it and reckon he has had to use alot to put down on deposit 6 months upfront rent. :/

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 17:49

And I need to remember that he said when I asked him if he still found me attractive he said " no". He said it twice and then before he walked out he says he says alot of things in anger. So I asked him again and he said we have no sex life do he doesn't fancy me . Thing is he speaks to me awful so I don't want to jump in bed with him plus our little ones are in and out roomm. He refuses to have the snip which is fine it's his body but he is 54 . I am 41 and don't want to go on pill and Dr said if I get sterilised I would need help. He refuses to wear a condom as kills the moment. Yes he is 54 not 17 lol

OP posts:
apacketofcrisps · 23/08/2019 21:48

How do you intend to pay for bills etc?

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 11:58

I work from home and I will have child tax credits and child benefits and obviously I get work tax credits because of my work. And he cannot sell the house until the youngest is 18 fortunately for me I have a brother who has a lot of money who said worst case scenario he can buy him out or something but I just have to see what happens

OP posts: