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Original poster

Marriage break up husband moaning about money.

109 replies

Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 08:48

My husband walked out on me and kids last weekend . He said I made him miserable and he didn't fancy me anymore. For years on and off we have put up with his bad temper. Punching holes in doors and going mental over small things. Things were getting better but this year got worse. He said lots in anger . He keeps moaning how he will now have to pay 2 sets of bills and pay mortgage on our house and rent for himself. When he bought house he didn't put my name on it.one Christmad he just sat in recliner for most of the holiday while I ran about like an idiot. I told him to go . He went to his mum's and text me saying what a good mum and wife I am and he took me for granted. He said so I feel better he will put my name on house. He never did:( I have got a form coming to complete to stop him selling house before youngest is 18. He keeps moaning about money and how he has lost everything. He is the one that refused anger management and marriage guidance. He is the one that walked out. Me and kids feel better and like a weight lifted from our shoulders. My 2 eldest who are mine from a previous said they don't have to walk in eggshells. My three youngest who I have with my husband haven't noticed the difference because after work he would have dinner get in shower and bed. Despite all this I cannot help but feel sorry for him . Even though I use to cry and he would shout " why are you balling ". Anyone else had ex paying for both ? I work from home and of course doing my bit best I can. I can't go to an office job again until my youngest at school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 16:03

I have app with solicitor Tuesday morning do hopefully ther will tell me more

OP posts:
Blushingm · 15/01/2020 16:10

The person with the children doesn't get to stay in the home - your husband will have to pay maintenance but other than that you have to fend for yourself. Either you take over the house and pay ALL bills including the full mortgage or you find somewhere else to live. I am currently mid divorce so soeak from experience

Blushingm · 15/01/2020 16:13

Unless your ex is a super high earner a mesher order is unlikely

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 16:27

Yes I will take over bills agreed he would pay mortgage instead of child maintenance as works out the same

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 16:28

I have more rights as I have the 5 children aged 1 , 6,7,12,15 to look after . If we have to sell so be it . Thanks

OP posts:
OllyBJolly · 15/01/2020 16:32

Yes I will take over bills agreed he would pay mortgage instead of child maintenance as works out the same

Do you earn enough to cover the costs for the children?

You really do have to get some expert advice. Reading your posts makes me think you've been listening to barrack room lawyers.

OllyBJolly · 15/01/2020 16:33

I have more rights as I have the 5 children aged 1 , 6,7,12,15 to look after . If we have to sell so be it . Thanks

you really don't. And your XH has no obligations to the two eldest.

eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 16:39

I have more rights as I have the 5 children aged 1 , 6,7,12,15 to look after . If we have to sell so be it . Thanks

No, you don't. The court doesn't see it that way and you're being very naïve. You are both equally responsible for paying for and caring for the children you have together (he does not have obligation to your older two unless he adopted them). Your circumstances have changed and you will be moved onto Universal Credit, you'll get no extra money for the 1-year-old and you'll be expected to make your business viable or find FT work when the youngest is 3. That is reality. It's not even necessarily 50/50, it often depends on how long the marriage is, what assets were who's before the marriage, etc.

The idea that you've going to be able to put your feet up and maybe work 'outside' once the youngest goes to school and he will pay a mortgage for the next 17 years is delusional.

Sadiee88 · 15/01/2020 16:43

You sound well shot of him!
If he pays the mortgage instead of child maintenance what happens when the children turn 18? Wouldn’t it be better to buy him out and have him pay maintenance?
Definitely get legal advice, but I wouldn’t take him back. You deserve better.

Drum2018 · 15/01/2020 16:55

This zombie thread is bizarre. The op answering questions as if it was started yesterday - what the hell has happened since August? Do you still have that form in the drawer upstairs?

inwood · 15/01/2020 17:00

You sound like you need some solid legal advice. How bizarre you started it in August and then came back. What happened in the meantime?

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 17:08

Yes but I was willi g to give it a try for everyone's sake . He said he would sort marriage guidance but changed his mind. Said he would put name on house and back tracked . It's been very difficult and expensive am trying my best with all 5 kids Inc a one year old and working . So I have just focused on that. It's all too much now with his attitude.

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 17:09

I can't but him out no. I have to be working a full 2 years and have up work when I had 3rd child. So work from home but my brother said he maybe able to buy him out . It's alot to think about

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 17:12

I never said I want to put my feet up for Christ sake. I can't remember the last time I did that. I am working home for now until I put my youngest in pre school in September. Then I will go back. If I thought that for a minute I would not stressing o. Here asking for advice would I. Everyone's case is different . I am more than aware I wo have to rent then so be it

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 17:13

I know I don't 4-minute think he's going to pay anything up until the youngest is 18 I'm just saying the law says until the youngest is 18 but in reality that's a long way off and I'm more than aware of that I'm 42 years old and I am not naive I am worried and stressed about my five children more than he is it seems

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 17:13

I am on here for advice and not to feel that I'm getting pulled up and I'm trying to live like a queen and putting my other half out on the streets you can't win on here one minute people telling you why you still with him doesn't matter about the house and the next minute people are saying the opposite you know I just find some people are quick to attack on here when I just want some normal advice without it being said in a certain way

OP posts:
eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 17:18

You don't want 'normal' advice, you want people to tell you what you want to hear. No one is going to be able to give you appropriate advice except a solicitor, hence, why people have told you over and over to see one but that you probably won't come away with much above maintenance and some of the assets. You also haven't informed the HMRC that your spouse is no longer living with you (he can't be that high an earner if you still qualify for WTC since the claim would have to have been joint). Your decision to have so many children is yours and your spouse's and the court is going to see that you are both responsible for caring and paying for the 3 you have together.

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 17:19

Yes I am seeing a solicitor Tuesday. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 17:20

it's that I am being told that I won't be able to put my feet up and things like that I haven't said I just want to sit back and not do anything when I can't remember the last time I put my feet up with five children and working from home it's ridiculous thing to say.I'm not trying to take him for every penny or anything like that but after years of going through all this on and off and need to make sure that everything is right for my five children and their well-being surely thank you for your advice

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 17:21

Yes he has inheritance money still in his account so he will be more than ok

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 17:22

no my husband is still living with me that is why we're going marriage guidance and everything to try and make it work and he's agreed to go to anger management but what I am saying is that my love for him has died but I'm worried that even if he does get everything put right and stopped the anger and all of that through counseling I feel that it's too little too late but I've been asking him to do this for years and he said if it doesn't work out then he will get himself a flat

OP posts:
Tatty101 · 15/01/2020 17:46

I think the point people are trying to get across OP is that you dont have any rights to stay in the house until your youngest is 18 at this point in time - this is wrong advice you've been given.

That only happens if a Court orders it so and that happens very, very infrequently.

It sounds like a tough situation, good luck with it all and I hope the meeting with the solicitor goes well

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 17:49

Of course

OP posts:
Scarsthelot · 15/01/2020 18:02

OP in a divorce you sont get automatic rights to stay in the house.

Housing the children that are not his, is not his responsibility. Having 5 kids wont swing anything in you favour, well bot more than the 2 who are is will.

CMS can be claimed at anytime. If he pays the mortgage you xpild then still claim CMS. Which is why judges donr go for this sort of arrangement. He will be required to pay towards kids that are his.

You keep saying you get to stay in the house. In a divorce, its attempted to even things up. So he will be given what seen as a fair portion in the house.

Clean breaks are preffered. Not dragging things out.

happyendings1 · 15/01/2020 18:10

Are you already claiming tax credits? You must have a low combined income to be claiming legitimately as a couple? Obviously this change in circumstances will mean you are transferred to Universal Credit if its a joint claim. Otherwise the only reason you would stay on tax credits is if you have wrongfully been claiming as a single parent?

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