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Original poster

Marriage break up husband moaning about money.

109 replies

Novemberrain77 · 21/08/2019 08:48

My husband walked out on me and kids last weekend . He said I made him miserable and he didn't fancy me anymore. For years on and off we have put up with his bad temper. Punching holes in doors and going mental over small things. Things were getting better but this year got worse. He said lots in anger . He keeps moaning how he will now have to pay 2 sets of bills and pay mortgage on our house and rent for himself. When he bought house he didn't put my name on it.one Christmad he just sat in recliner for most of the holiday while I ran about like an idiot. I told him to go . He went to his mum's and text me saying what a good mum and wife I am and he took me for granted. He said so I feel better he will put my name on house. He never did:( I have got a form coming to complete to stop him selling house before youngest is 18. He keeps moaning about money and how he has lost everything. He is the one that refused anger management and marriage guidance. He is the one that walked out. Me and kids feel better and like a weight lifted from our shoulders. My 2 eldest who are mine from a previous said they don't have to walk in eggshells. My three youngest who I have with my husband haven't noticed the difference because after work he would have dinner get in shower and bed. Despite all this I cannot help but feel sorry for him . Even though I use to cry and he would shout " why are you balling ". Anyone else had ex paying for both ? I work from home and of course doing my bit best I can. I can't go to an office job again until my youngest at school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 18:12

no I was on tax credits but now I am working from home I will be entitled to working tax credits if we separate he was on a low income over the last tax year so they put his working tax credit up.but I have been working towards getting a little business off the ground but have only just started earning money

which is why I have said that I have been focusing on that because I had to do some studying in order to get the ball rolling in what I need to do and certificates

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 18:13

I have not been wrongfully claiming as a single parent at all you can see that I'm married me and my husband still live together he's self-employed and he didn't have a good tax year we actually made a house bigger because his mum died and he got paid inheritance money but he still has some left which I think he will hide

OP posts:
happyendings1 · 15/01/2020 18:20

If you've been jointly claiming tax credits as a couple and you've now separated this will trigger a change of circumstances and mean unfortunately you will have to make a claim for Universal Credit

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 18:21

yes and when we split briefly last year I spoke to universal credits and I told me that freeze my money for 5 to 8 weeks and my husband said he wouldn't help with food and things like this and then he said he would and just playing games so it's a terrible state of affairs really.and I got scared of not being able to cope financially for the children my mum gave me some money for food but I thought I can't keep on going on like this and that's another reason why I thought I would try and make it work with him so the kids didn't have to go through the stress of all the breaking up

OP posts:
eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 18:22

no I was on tax credits but now I am working from home I will be entitled to working tax credits if we separate.

No, you will both be moved onto UC. Separation is a trigger for being moved from legacy benefits to UC. It's considered a new claim, all new claims are UC.

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 18:39

Ok o didn't thinknhe would go on it as he works

OP posts:
happyendings1 · 15/01/2020 18:42

If it was previously a joint claim YOU (on your own) will now need to claim Universal Credit as a single parent. You're husband won't be able to continue claiming tax credits and I doubt he can claim Universal Credit without being responsible for 5 children.

Scarsthelot · 15/01/2020 18:46

Arent there rule about claiming for more than 2 children, if born after April 2017.

OP you need to claim as a single parent, but may not get money for the youngest.

Scarsthelot · 15/01/2020 18:47

OP where are you getting the advice you have had so far?

eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 18:48

Yes, there is no increase in benefit for children born after 1 April. The claim will be for 4 children.

happyendings1 · 15/01/2020 18:48

@Scarsthelot I think OP only has one born after April 2017. So she'll get money for 4 children

Scarsthelot · 15/01/2020 18:49

Yes, thata what I said, she wont get money for the youngest

Scarsthelot · 15/01/2020 18:50

Sorry read that back and it sounded really arsey.

I meant - yes that's what I was getting at.

happyendings1 · 15/01/2020 18:54

Sorry cross posted!

Sugartitss · 15/01/2020 19:02

You absolutely can get a job while your youngest is in school. I left my husband and got three of them because I had to.

YappityYapYap · 15/01/2020 19:10

You said that he was self employed and doing really well when you spoke in August? If you're working from home and he is working and doing well and one of the children isn't eligible for child tax credit due to being born after April 2017, how does that work?

You would need to have quite a low combined income to be eligible but tax credits are based on what you earned last year so do you mean he had low earnings last year and you weren't working from home then so you have entitlement this year? If that's the case, that makes sense.

It doesn't matter if you aren't on the house. You are married so it's a joint asset unless he bought and paid for the house before you got married?

The most likely scenario if you split is that the house would be sold and you'd get a share of the equity or he would have to buy you out. Mesher orders are quite rare and usually awarded in cases where it's not long until the children turn 18. If he agreed to stay on the mortgage and pay the mortgage in lieu of child maintenance, that's different but he would have to agree and stick to it as it's unlikely a court would order it but of course, if you were both willing to pay solicitors to draw up an agreement, you could do that but that's all on the basis that he is happy to stay on the mortgage for 17 years, not live in the house, pay the mortgage and not sell the house for 17 years. I think that would be unlikely as it's very long term and he wouldn't be able to buy another house if he stayed on the mortgage

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 19:21

Yes when youngest starts pre school in sept I will work if I can get a job straight away which I am sure I will.

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 19:31

He said his anger is all in my head and nothing wrong with punching hole in the door

OP posts:
Kimbo180 · 15/01/2020 20:45

Im not having a go or anything but why would you put your kids to that sort of behaviour. I grew up in a home were 5 of us were constantly around arguements house smashed up etc. The aniexty of each day was horrendous for us. So when my mother finally got the courage to trow him out we were delighted. And iv never had a relationship with since since everything he put us trough. You should think of your childrens mental health instead of bricks and moter. Im 42 now. Plus iv a brother that actually taught is was normal behaviour for to treat a woman like that hence why hes single at 40
Anyway hope all goes well for you

Kimbo180 · 15/01/2020 21:10

And she reared the 5 of us by herself not a penny did he hand over. Was a struggle but we got there up and downs same as any family. She got out....i dont think your husband will change with any amount of councilling if crossed boundries with you the first time it will always happen. Xxx taughts are with you

CalleighDoodle · 15/01/2020 21:29

This sounds so shit for your children.

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 21:56

Universal credits child benefit and my income.

OP posts:
Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 21:58

No i think he has caused anxiety in my 7 year old. It is awful for kids. I have been through a break up before and it is hard and now again but 42 years old with 5 kids. We are so more relaxed when he isn't around

OP posts:
apacketofcrisps · 15/01/2020 22:01

You should start looking for somewhere to rent.

Original poster
Novemberrain77 · 15/01/2020 22:02

Thing is it's things that happen over months not every day. So he has smashed stuff 3 times but the shouting and anger prob every few weeks or sometimes every few months. He doesn't like me sitting in his part of sofa and reminded me other day that when he bought the sofa he said what part was his seat. Very childish. Tells me I'm sat in his seat and not even jokingly. So I avoid sitting there when I remember sometimes I just forget as remote maybe there or baby's juice in cupholder which is there so we end up sitting there. He isn't affectionate which I struggle with

OP posts: