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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Did I forbid DH from going to shop, how he uses his time & how he spends his money?

97 replies

crushedagain · 14/08/2019 22:58

We are going away for a week in a couple of days' time. There was a little bit of milk in the fridge this morning and a four pint bottle of milk was scheduled to arrive with my online grocery shopping this afternoon. DH said he'd go out and buy some milk in the morning. I asked him not to, as there was enough milk in the fridge for a few teas and coffees and because I'd already ordered a bottle of milk that was coming soon. I had spent time carefully planning our meals for the next couple of days to minimise waste before going away. I didn't want leftover milk to be wasted and I didn't want to buy a small bottle of milk in order to reduce our use of single use plastic.

DH was very unhappy that I asked him not to buy any milk. I said he could have the remainder of the milk in the fridge, which he managed to make at least three big mugs of tea/coffee with. By asking DH not to buy any milk, he accused me of forbidding him from going to the shop, forbidding him from spending his time as he wished and forbidding him from spending his money as he wished. I'm furious, as I consider my request very reasonable and cannot believe that my request means that I forbade DH from all those things. DH cannot see it any other way though.

What's your take on this?

OP posts:
clpsmum · 14/08/2019 23:09

Tell him to grow the fuck up and stop making a mountain out of nothing

crushedagain · 14/08/2019 23:24

@ clipsmum I did say something to that effect, but DH says he can't see it any other way than that I forbade him from doing all those things!!!

OP posts:
Userplusnumbers · 14/08/2019 23:28

It's milk, neither of you are coming off particularly well in this situation (although DH more so)

Croquembou · 14/08/2019 23:33

You're both being unreasonable. He was potentially being milk-profligate, you potentially could have just let him buy a bottle of milk. It seems like a very minor domestic incident.

If me and my husband were having this argument I would think one of us was actually mad about something else and projecting wildly onto, errr, milk or we were both a bit tired and could do with an early night.

Everafter1 · 14/08/2019 23:42

What? It's milk! You didn't need it, so nobody has to go get it.

If he really, really wanted to get milk I'm sure he would've. I don't know why this would be an arguement.

LittleWing80 · 14/08/2019 23:43

That’s a weird reaction tbh. Did he just want to go out on his own and took the milk as excuse?

elephantoverthehill · 14/08/2019 23:45

Make rice pudding

Tiddlybups · 14/08/2019 23:52

Not much point crying over spilt milk at this stage.

NeverTwerkNaked · 14/08/2019 23:53

It sounds like you both over reacted?

crushedagain · 14/08/2019 23:57

I don't understand why DH couldn't just think: "I've got enough milk for a few cups of tea/coffee. More milk is coming later. I know my DW has spent time planning our meals carefully in order to reduce waste."

Why couldn't he show some consideration?

OP posts:
crushedagain · 14/08/2019 23:58

@LittleWing80 No, he always just goes out on his own whenever he wants to.

OP posts:
user764329056 · 15/08/2019 00:01

What happens when there’s a real problem? This sounds very petty

Everafter1 · 15/08/2019 00:03

He's maybe been stressed about something else & snapped over that.

Croquembou · 15/08/2019 00:05

I don't understand why DH couldn't just think: "I've got enough milk for a few cups of tea/coffee. More milk is coming later. I know my DW has spent time planning our meals carefully in order to reduce waste."

But by the same token, he might not understand why you couldn't think 'fine, he'd like to walk and buy some milk, this isn't worth an argument'

SleepingStandingUp · 15/08/2019 00:06

Another one who thinks this is about something else he's angry about.

It's uttey pintless to buy milk to cover you for a few hours when you have milk still, let alone the strip about you forbiddding him from buying milk.

How. Are things generally?

LittleWing80 · 15/08/2019 00:06

I am with @Everafter1 I don’t think you would react like about milk unless you have issues

Chocolate35 · 15/08/2019 00:10

I think he was being childish. It’s ridiculously petty BUT the milk he wanted to buy was, in effect, unnecessary since you’d already ordered some. It’s a big overreaction.

sameshitnewday999 · 15/08/2019 00:11

Fucking he'll. if this is the only problem in your life, get over yourself. It's fucking milk.

crushedagain · 15/08/2019 00:12

@LittleWing80 & Everafter 1 Yes, there are other issues. DH has anger problems. I'm so fed up with it. I always take the brunt of his anger.

OP posts:
Jsmith99 · 15/08/2019 00:12

It’s only a few pence worth of milk, and it definitely isn’t worth arguing about such a triviality. You are both in the wrong, and both as bad as each other.

crushedagain · 15/08/2019 00:13

It is a petty issue, but DH made it into a big deal.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 15/08/2019 00:13

pintless :o

I think he wanted another excuse to go out to the shop. His reaction is really quite weird.

crushedagain · 15/08/2019 00:16

SleepingStandingUp Things are not great generally...but just wanted other people's perspective on this one, as I see my request as a perfectly reasonable one, but DH cannot see that.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 15/08/2019 00:17

Yes, there are other issues. DH has anger problems. I'm so fed up with it. I always take the brunt of his anger

Well, there you go then. And hell will freeze over before I take the brunt of a man's anger (again). Only you can decide what to do. All I can tell you is that I left a man because of his 'anger problems'. Nothing is worth living with a man who beats you down with his anger. Even if you can give as well as you get, it's not worth it.

clpsmum · 15/08/2019 00:18

@crushedagain I'm pleased to hear that you did! He's overreacting and being a complete drama queen. Ignore him he sounds very self indulgent. I hope he behaves better on holiday and you have a nice time