Sex issue (sorry, TMI alert)

[CinnamonSticks1]

Hi all,

Apologies in advance for potentially graphic post.

I've posted before about a long anticipated night with friend of many years... well it happened, we DTD.

Everything was going really well, but I noticed he would get into a rhythm and then keep stopping again and again. I wondered if he was just pacing himself so he didn't "finish" too soon but it kept on happening (and started to get a bit annoying) so I asked him.

He said he's sorry but he "doesn't want to take the risk because he's already a father of 2 and doesn't want any more". We used a condom and I am also on the pill, but anyway, respected his decision and went to finish him off with my mouth (sorry, sorry, sorry) and again, got into a rhythm and pulled me off him. Offered him other options which weren't PIV but nope, he said "sorry, but I can't"

I'm someone who thinks that sex should have a climax for both people involved (I certainly did, twice) Does anyone else find this a bit odd? I asked him if it was some sort of tantric sex thing about delayed gratification but he just looked confused.

Has anyone else come across this? It felt so weird that it was just over and he left without the grand finale.

[MashedSpud]

As mentioned porn addiction coupled with death grip wank hand.

🤛🏻

[fedup21]

I would ask him why he kept stopping you?

Have you asked him? What did he reply?

[formerbabe]

First thought....he's not single and psychologically thinks he's not cheating in this situation.

Second thought...he's got an sti and is scared of passing it on

[CinnamonSticks1]

fedup21 he just said "I'm sorry, I can't." when I asked why he said "I just can't."

Another weird thing he said (sorry, not a dripfeed, I just remembered) he said "I can't. You're just so young!" (I'm 30, he's 45) not sure what he meant by that.

We have an event together tonight but I don't think it's going to end in the bedroom again!

[honeylulu]

Sounds like couldn't finish and was making excuses. It's fairly common I think even in my (fairly limited) experience.

[Jennifer2r]

It sounds like he wasn't really that into it and instead of letting him take it at his own pace you forced the whole thing.

He said 'stop' and 'I can't' - I'd have stopped and given him a cuddle and said not to worry about it.

I'd be apologising if I was you.

[CinnamonSticks1]

I hardly think reaching for his shirt buttons means I forced him he reciprocated immediately.

The night did actually end with a cuddle. I didn't pester him. I was just bamboozled because I'd never experienced that before!

[CinnamonSticks1]

I will apologise to him tonight though when I see him. I don't want our friendship to be awkward in case I did overstep the mark.

[Crowdo]

It sounds like you were putting a lot of pressure on him and he couldn't finish.

[Myothernameistakenbysomeone]

@Jennifer2r
Really???
You really think the OP forced this man to get his dick hard and put it in her??

Just stopped short of calling her a rapist really didn't you?!!......
Get a grip of yourself

OP...... I think this need talking about away from the bedroom.
It could be a millions things...... don't over think what you don't know.
I hope you get answers...... and I REALLY hope they don't come from the likes of @Jennifer2r 👍🏼

[Myothernameistakenbysomeone]

Sorry.... don't know why my post is in bold 🤔

[dragonsandfairies]

Wow. Some people will want contracts signing soon to say they consent!

Why are people so quick to assume rape?

It also makes a mockery of those who were truly raped!

[SpoonBlender]

It'll probably be fine - first time nerves, or just head in the wrong place. Give him another crack (fnarr) and see how it goes.

[Mythreefavouritethings]

Tonight will probably give you answers, one way or the other, as he’ll have had time to reflect. I hope you both have a good time.

[CinnamonSticks1]

Fnarr

[Jennifer2r]

I didn't say rape, or rapist.

You said, he kept saying things like 'stop' and 'I cant' and you said, if you hadn't undressed him, he probably wouldn't have had sex with you.

I don't think that makes you a rapist, but I do think it makes you a bit of a dick.

[CinnamonSticks1]

He was kissing me and thrusting against me surely someone needs to be the first to reach for an item of clothing?? If he was giving me zero signals then of course I wouldn't have continued.

[tolerable]

op.what are you apologise at him for??????? he knew how old you was,he "liased"..and he hitchu with ..a no shot.(apologeeze fur the tmi but personally,,the end one-is my favourite)so... whatchu sorry for?not asking the why and getting a reasonable response?

[Weejo39]

Men are funny creatures! Also 40s/50s are different from the constant semi state young men are often in.when I first dtd with my boyfriend he warned me he'd had a few 'issues' with some other dates.... mainly not being able to climax. It was a nervous thing and getting to know someone thing... anyhoo he's now a rampant fiend with no issues now. So what I'm saying is be a bit patient, keep talking and hopefully it'll sort itself out as he relaxes a bit with you. Glad you finally got it on though

[MissSmiley]

Some antidepressants can cause problems with orgasm for men

[SummerHouse]

Maybe at the point of ejaculation he shouts "MUMMY" and flips like a fish out of water?

[SimplySteveRedux]

Another vote for porn addiction.

[MamaOfBothTeams]

@SummerHouse

[AnnonniMoose]

Ummm, probably going to get shot down for this, but is it possible he has an STD HIV, and didn't want to ejaculate for that reason, even into your mouth?

[SimplySteveRedux]

Some antidepressants can cause problems with orgasm for men

Very true, should have noted this given one killed my libido completely. Benzodiazepines can affect orgasm, likewise the stronger opiates.