Did you take your mum wedding dress shopping with you?

[perfectlyimperfect1]

I’m sorry if this is the wrong forum, I wasn’t sure which to post it on!
I get married next year and my friend suggest we go and look at dresses, which I had no intention of purchasing yet. Bad move. The 3rd dress I tried I fell in love with, and of course it was the only in my size etc and I’m a sucker for that kind of thing!
I sent a photo to my mum and she said it’s beautiful. I asked her what I should do and she basically said it’s lovely and if I like it then to get it.
I do regret she wasn’t there and I took her along to another just so I could try a few different styles to be sure while she was there but none compared. She keeps saying how it’s sticks with her that she wasn’t there. I feel bad, but what can I do?

Good god, no. She wasn't interested. Didn't understand why l wanted to have a 'proper' wedding. She wore a hideous box pleated 'costume' (early 1950s) and they got married at the registry office.
l made my own wedding dress (went trying dresses on with my bridesmaid, couldn't afford the ones l liked, didn't like the ones l could afford) and when l told her l'd found some beautiful (Rose & Hubble embrodered organza) fabric at the local 'naice' haberdashers, she actually said "in the curtain department?"

Do not sell your dress just so you can recreate the experience with your mum!

She sounds like a PITA as it is and I don't think you should pander to her and encouraging her any further, especially coming up your wedding. She sounds rather self absorbed and you need to set boundaries for your day or she may very well spoil it for you.

Another one who went alone.

I had a very clear idea of what I wanted.

In fact I went to a bridal shop that makes bespoke dresses and met the designer.

I'd done an admittedly very bad sketch of what I wanted. Spent 2 hours with her refining the design (basically her taking my idea and not only applying artistic ability but also the mechanics of how a dress is made and what would/wouldn't work in various fabrics etc).

Next appointment I went with my MOH and whilst I was having my toile fitted she discussed her outfit with the designer.

Given the cost (i was paying) I wanted her to have something she both loved and could wear again. So she worked with the designer on her outfit and came to show me (it was lovely) and then they started in her toile.

My DM came to the final fitting of the dress with my MOH.

It's obviously a personal thing but I don't think having loads of family/friends with you to choose a dress is helpful.

Having input from someone neutral whose reputation relies on you looking great on the day in "their" dress imho was a better option.

Before anyone screams about the expense my dress cost a lot less than some of the off the shelf wedding dresses I see on bridal shows - fit me perfectly and (like MOH outfit - she didn't "do" dresses so had a beautiful jumpsuit with a chiffon draped top and wide leg trousers that she wore to other events after - which made me so happy to see her in it) was a one off.

I took my mum but she was paying for the dress so I had to really.

To be fair, my mum was having a bit of a shitty time when we got married. Her own mum died just before we started planning it and she was also quite unwell herself. I probably let her have a bit more involment in it all than I would have done under different circumstances.

My sister got her dress off the internet and surprisingly my mum wasn't arsed about that.

Should have said OP - DM was fine with it (she's fab and pretty chilled though).

She loved being at the final fitting - which in a way was more exciting as we (apart from shoes which I'd needed to get to check the length of the dress) chose all the other accessories (veil, headdress etc) and did the final touches to the dress together.

Your dress is lovely. Most importantly it's what you want. Don't change it to placate your mother.

Maybe do as I did and get her involved in fitting and accessories....if she can get over her hump about it (given the comment about shoe shopping).

I'd probably say (by email/text so she has chance to really think about it before responding) she has a choice to be involved or not but if she's going to carry a grudge then not to bother - but you'd really love her to be there to fine tune your dress and pick out accessories/flowers etc - then leave her to think about it.

I’m an only child too, and I went by myself first, found one I liked, and took my mum a week later to see what she thought, she did also comment I can’t believe you went without me blah blah blah, but soon got over it and helped pick headdress veil shoes etc, and then proceeded to take over ALL other choices for everything, I basically had the big white expensive wedding my mum didn’t get to have coz of money, coz my idea of a burger van in a field with fireworks and everyone one in wellies was apparently ridiculous, hence next year our silver anniversary we will be doing just that. Listen to what you want is all I can say, all the way xxx

I went with my DM she was a bit useless every dress I tried on she cried oh wow you look like a princess. Then wasn't happy til everyone in the room agreed I did indeed look like a princess (I didn't). Got it down to two then took mil for deciding vote pretty sure she didn't want to go (2 sons thought I was being nice). Ended up hating my dress wasn't me at all never would wear that style and have never worn it since or a style like it.
I have two DS so will never be asked and am quite relieved 😌 My MIL is fab though how unmumnetty is that stick with your choice OP.

Yes, I took Mum when I bought mine, and DD took me when she bought hers . But if she hadn't asked me , I wouldn't have fretted about it . It's a personal decision.

No way did I take mine! It stresses me out just thinking about it. I went alone and very happy about that decision!

I have 2 teen DDs. If they marry I would genuinely respect their decision to either ask me to come or not. A mother/daughter relationship can be intense. My eldest can read things into my facial expressions that aren’t there