Did you take your mum wedding dress shopping with you?

[perfectlyimperfect1]

I’m sorry if this is the wrong forum, I wasn’t sure which to post it on!
I get married next year and my friend suggest we go and look at dresses, which I had no intention of purchasing yet. Bad move. The 3rd dress I tried I fell in love with, and of course it was the only in my size etc and I’m a sucker for that kind of thing!
I sent a photo to my mum and she said it’s beautiful. I asked her what I should do and she basically said it’s lovely and if I like it then to get it.
I do regret she wasn’t there and I took her along to another just so I could try a few different styles to be sure while she was there but none compared. She keeps saying how it’s sticks with her that she wasn’t there. I feel bad, but what can I do?

My mum died when I was 14

@littlemeitslyn I’m very sorry to hear that

Thanks, still miss her,!she was 58

@littlemeitslyn That’s no age, I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you xx

I don’t know whether to sell it and just start again from scratch and take her with me this time x

No don’t do that. You know it’s the dress for you. Don’t lose money over your mum’s childish sulk.

Your dress is stunning!

I didn't take my mum as she was 100 miles away, looking after my sick dad, and prob most importantly would have made rude comments.

As it was, she loved my dress.

I found my wedding was a great way to upset a lot of people in a short amount of time, however hard you try not to. Turns out, everyone has an opinion, even if they pretend they haven't - and yours is definitely wrong!

I'd stick with your lovely dress which looks like it was made for you, and leave the guilt behind. Ask your DM to stop mentioning it "it sticks with her' as it's her issue, not yours. She needs to resolve her feelings, not get you to fix them.

First wedding (that I didn't go through with) I went with a friend and my mum was really unhappy about it and claimed to hate the dress.
Guy was a prick anyway and ended up leaving 2 weeks before wedding (he cheated).

Wedding to my now DH, I took my mum, nan and best friend and she loved the dress.

You can't go back in time so maybe find another important wedding activity and invite just her? Xx

I only have one daughter too. She picked her own dress and ordered it without mentioning it to me. It's a lovely dress and she looked beautiful. Never occurred to me to worry that I hadn't been consulted/included.

We did have a day out in the UK (neither of us live there) choosing shoes. Immense fun. I hated the shoes, but then I didn't have to wear them and it wasn't my wedding. Some of these MOBs really need to have a word with themselves.

For goodness' sake, dont sell the dress. You look beautiful in it.

I took my mum with me, but she was paying! I hated the dress i bought, but it was cheap, and practically the only cheap dress in my size... so we bought it.

I went with my sisters. My DM lines in another city.

Once I'd chosen my dress, I paid for her to come over and have a look at the dressing the shop and of course tried it on again.

She wasn't upset and even if I lived in the same city and went with my sisters, she would have been fine I'm sure.

No
I went myself and then dp helped me decide when I had found two I liked.

My mother has 5 daughters and none of us brought her

So your Mums good at guilt tripping you. I cannot believe she whinges that you don't buy her stuff. Shes like a petulant child not a grown woman.

Imagine if you took that beautiful dress back then couldn't find anything near as perfect as that one. Your happiness shouldn't be clouded by your Mums selfishness. Keep the dress. Your Mum will just have to get over it which she will.

I went alone and hired my dress. Much better value that way. I really don't get why people make such a fuss about being involved.

The only thing my Mum got excited about was having my two young cousins as bridesmaids as well as my DS. I gave her the colour and she made the dresses.

Come on, op - you must see that your mum is being ridiculous here? Who behaves like that - she sounds like an absolute child!

As for complaining that you don't buy her enough stuff - what the absolute fuck?!

I wouldn’t sel the dress and you need to draw a boundary. If you don’t, I wonder what she is going to be like when you have children and it will be that she wasn’t at the birth, or she didn’t get the first hold or blah blah blah.

Tell you are sorry she feels like this but she needs to stop talking about it or you will end the conversation.

Yes, I took my mum with me and she was useless:
Me: ‘Do you like this one?’
Mum: ‘Yes, if you like it’
Next dress -
Me: ‘Do you like this one?’
Mum: ‘Yes, if you like it’
Ad nauseum.
No opinions or advice whatsoever.

@Aussiebean we have done things the ‘wrong way round’ and actually have a DS who is 2. Mum was at the birth, I wanted her there and said that I couldn’t imagine her not being. I said to her yesterday “you were there for DS coming into the world, surely that’s more significant than being there when I bought a dress that I’m not going to wear for a day?” But she just said how it’s the most important day of my life etc

Only going to wear for a day*

@Umbrellainthegarden I only tried 3 on and we sent her the photos as I tried them so she actually did have input. She said she didn’t like the back of one of them. But said the one I chose was lovely. I wish she had said from day one that it was really important to her for her to be there.

I went on my own and then when i chosen it I took my step daughter and my sister to see if they liked my choice and help ouck a veil/accessories.

No, I did all the choosing on my own because my DPs lived a long way away, and I'm sure my mother would have said it doesn't matter what you wear and why don't I go to a charity shop . As it was, I had it made by a local dressmaker in palest petal-pink silk, as I didn't want white or ivory. When my DPs came down the day before the wedding I asked my mum to guess the colour. She said "Pink!" (being sarcastic). Me: "Yes!" :)

@Tooner well that’s really why I bought the dress. I didn’t have the whole crying thing but I’m not an emotional person as a rule anyway but I tried it on and just though there is nothing I don’t really like about this dress. I am having some lace added at the top but that feels better to me as it means no one will have a dress 100% like that.
I was worried I would take mum to 100 other dress shops and not find one I liked as much as that, and of course the ladies gave me the whole it’s the only one we got in this size etc

For some reason, my wife went with my mother, my sisters and nieces.

I think they regretted it. My wife is ultra fussy and didn't want to spend loads on a dress she would only wear once. At one point my mother, in sheer desperation, offered to pay for the dress if my wife would only make a decision.

In the end she spent £200 off the sale rail and my mum spent two weeks altering it to fit properly.

Whatever you do don’t sell it online and take your mother looking for a replacement!!

You’ve picked a gorgeous dress that you love and will be customised to make it unique to you. If you sell it you waste a lot of money and then be stuck looking for a dress that won’t live up to this one just to satisfy your mum? She needs to grow up, stop guilt tripping and move on.