Did you take your mum wedding dress shopping with you?

[perfectlyimperfect1]

I’m sorry if this is the wrong forum, I wasn’t sure which to post it on!
I get married next year and my friend suggest we go and look at dresses, which I had no intention of purchasing yet. Bad move. The 3rd dress I tried I fell in love with, and of course it was the only in my size etc and I’m a sucker for that kind of thing!
I sent a photo to my mum and she said it’s beautiful. I asked her what I should do and she basically said it’s lovely and if I like it then to get it.
I do regret she wasn’t there and I took her along to another just so I could try a few different styles to be sure while she was there but none compared. She keeps saying how it’s sticks with her that she wasn’t there. I feel bad, but what can I do?

What a beautiful dress! You look stunning OP.

I'm sure your mum won't mind, maybe take her back to see it when you're free & have lunch after?

Thank you Bebe! That’s what we did today, I took her with me to discuss alterations (I’m having the mesh removed and some lace added etc) and it was during lunch after that she said it sticks with her that she didn’t come with me originally.
Maybe it’s because I’m her only daughter x

Wow beautiful dress, you look stunning in it!!

My mum refused to come with me (I took my auntie, her sister instead) she also refused to be my birthing partner. She said she had made me and brought me up to make the right decisions and now she could watch with pride her daughter live her own life (guidance is always a phone call away if needed) 😁

Beautiful dress.
I think your mum is being a bit unfair. So long as you take her to see it on you and as you said she likes it, what is the problem?
I did take my mum and sister but it was luck I chose my dress with them. I was planning another trip alone.

@Courtdays thank you very much :-)
@Tryingtoocope I like your mums style! haha

I went with a friend first off. Then took my now dh as we had just moved to another country. He was the only one I'd trusted with an opinion after taking a friend. I showed him pics etc and he was honest. Said what I was thinking.

Ended up picking a dress with him in tow. Had a friend I'd made along for fittings. Don't think my mum would've said yes to anything tbh. And she was in another country miles away. The dress I bought was another color so he hadn't actually seen the actual dress but he knew my shape better than me and knew when I'd found the one. I went suit shopping with him so it was all equal. 😂

She’s behaving badly, she can’t change the past and needs to get over herself. Your wedding is about you, not her & she’s turning into being about her.

I took my mother to look at wedding dresses as I knew I wasn’t going to have a traditional wedding and that would be her only chance of seeing me in a dress like that.

Then I went on my own and bought a different dress that I could wear again (& did).

@Benjispruce I think she feels like she missed the whole big day of seeing me try them on for the first time and crying like they do in films etc! (Which I don’t think she would anyway!) I sent her photos as I was trying the other 2 and the one I chose on so I got her opinion even if she wasn’t there in person. Not once did she reply I wish I could be there else I would have either left the dress or seen if I could have paid a deposit and come back. I obviously tried it on for her when I got home and she came to my alteration appointment with me today. But when the lady said she would like me to get my shoes soon mum said “well you had better go with your friend to get them then”

@Benjispruce ps thank you for saying beautiful dress x

No I didn’t, I went with 2 close friends but I did take my DM to the fittings.

Your DM is out of order saying this to you. Does she often guilt trip you?

As you say ‘like in the films’ that is a bit of a cliche . Many have answered that they weren’t with their mums. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.
I chose my veil , headdress ,shoes and flowers without my mum. She was paying for my dress so it seemed right.
Is your mum buying yours?

No, I went alone. I was the one wearing it and paying for it so didn't need anyone else's opinion, in fact that was basically how all the wedding planning went.

It’s her problem not yours. It can be a special moment between the two of you but I’m sure there are other ways to share moments with her planning your wedding that mean just as much. She should stop going on about it you can’t turn the clock back.
And no I had my dress made she didn’t see it til it was almost finished. I’m still not sure if she liked it and that was 17 years ago (and she passed 5 years ago so never will)!

@JiltedJohnsJulie I wouldn’t say she guilt trips me but she does sometimes sound like she feels sorry for herself. Saying I never buy her anything for example. Unless that’s her way of guilt tripping me.

@Benjispruce Exactly. No my parents hadn’t mentioned paying for it at all and we had incorporated into our budget, it was only after I had bought it that my Dad kindly offered to give us the money for it.

That’s what I mean, I do feel bad about it and maybe it was an impulse/heart over head buy that I later regretted, not so much the dress just the fact she wasn’t there. But I can’t change it unless I get a new dress x

I went with my mum. I found The Dress. My mum was very uncomplimentary about it. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be!

That is exactly her way of guilt tripping you.

Really, don't give it a second thought. You have a dress you love. I'm sure you enjoyed shopping with your friend too. Don't let her ruin that for you.

Mine didn't give a shit. I had no one at all to go with so I ordered a cheap one online. She didn't come to pick the flowers, look at the venue, church or anything wedding related. Now if I had asked her to come pick a new pony with me she would have been there with bells on. She's just not that interested in anything that's not her hobby (ponies) not even her 7 grandkids.

Don’t get a new dress as you won’t be happy with it. What’s done is done. I had my mum with me but in all honesty the fitting was far more special to me as we had lunch, tried on veils and jewellery to see if I wanted to add anything and had a lovely day just chatting about the day. She may be upset but she will get over it. If you don’t have your shoes why don’t you arrange a shopping trip to get them and any accessories you want and invite her to the next fitting so she can see it all together?

Do you know it never crossed my mind.

What's done is done and making you feel guilty at what should be a special time is mean.
I hope she stops the snide comments - it's not about her.
Do you think she's a bit jealous of you?

I went on my own the first time I went looking. I knew roughly what I wanted, but didn't find 'the one'. I had seen one particular dress that I knew I wanted to try and found out that a place local to my mum had one in stock, so she did come with me. And was very sniffy about it because it wasn't traditional enough for her tastes. I tried on about half a dozen others first, none suited me. Then tried on the one I was there for And she went quiet, then oh, and realised I had been right from the start, as she did the whole cliché about how I lit up etc...

Was she paying? I suppose if she was then you might have possibly had a reason to take her.

I took my mum on my "buy an outfit for my wedding" event, she paid, pretty sure she was unhappy I picked something I could wear for work too.

I went with my mum. She knows my taste we get on really well and she can be honest with me with out it coming across as harsh.

However, if DD ever gets married I wouldn't assume she'd want me to be there ( she's only wee so it's a long way off) I'd just want her to find a dress she loves.

Sorry your mum is being off with you about it all.

No - I bought it online.