Hi, I'm actually afraid to post this as I feel very guilty doing so. I am writing this anonymously.
Basically as a teenager I was hit quite a bit by my Mum. She called it "laying into" me. (Now she denies it and says it was not hitting, just smacking, and I was "not an easy child"). I never smoked, never drank alcohol, never did drugs, did not sleep around, did my school work, was bullied at school for being a swot....
Anyway this continued on and off in my twenties, when I went home during the summer I was occasionally screamed at, grabbed, had stuff thrown at me and on one occasion spat at in my face, the flob landed on my nose. Epithets I have been called include "child", "bitch", "slut" and "baby".
If I try and raise any of this I am accused of being "spoilt" and "poor me", or that I am being hysterical or exaggerating.
I feel she is very uninterested in my life and how I am doing and lives for my DS and my sibling's DCs. She wants to talk about her life or DS or the DCs. If I say "What about me?", I am accused of being "selfish, it's all about you".
If I say I feel afraid or walking on eggshells I am mocked.
Sometimes it is all sunshine and light and everything is cheerful and good fun and she acts like a BFF. Also my DM has been extraordinarily financially generous throughout my life.
Anyway that is the background. I am very angry, and very very tense about our recent holiday.
My DM shouted at me, I can take that. But I found it so hard when she shouted at my DS. I won't give his age - he is not three though (unlike my nickname) he is older. He came into me sobbing, he had been called "babyish" for something he had done that involved "manners". He hadn't sworn, thrown anything, disobeyed - he was just playing in a way that looked babyish to DM. When I hugged him and comforted him and began speaking to him about maybe playing differently next time, DM came in and began shouting at me too saying DS had no discipline was "spoilt" and gets his "own way". (Actually he has lots of discipline and we keep regular bedtimes and routines, as well as insisting he comes off the computer when asked).
He was also bellowed at again later in the week, for disobeying instructions. This also made him cry. He is not used to shouting. When I moved to comfort him I was bellowed at followed by a demand that I enforce the discipline. I refused and to my shame said "it is down to you" and backed off in a panic because I was so afraid of them.
I am sure DM has her own problems and was under pressure from responsibilities that she had at the time. She says she does these things out of love because she is worried about the future.
I am now trying to go low contact. This is proving tricky because she phones me up to chat a lot. I feel it is the best way to protect DS and keep some self respect.
Please feel free to add any insights.