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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband Sleeps On Sofa

98 replies

Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 05:56

As the title says my husband won't stop sleeping on the sofa (he has already wrecked 3) This is true unfortunately. I am about to order a new one from DFS but I am worried he will wreck it as well. He usually starts off in bed and then pretends to go to the loo and ends up on the sofa watching tv.

Any suggestions how to get him to stop doing this because I am at my wits end?

OP posts:
Scott72 · 08/08/2019 06:01

Why does this worry so much? Is it because you miss the closeness of him sharing a bed, or because he damages the sofas? I'm not sure how sleeping on a sofa would damage it so badly, but if that is your main concern I'm sure you could find sturdier ones that should resist this.

SmallestViolin · 08/08/2019 06:05

He's an adult.

You can't 'get him to stop' doing it. All you can do is choose how you are going to respond to it.

What is it that bothers you the most? The broken sofa or the fact it's happening at all?

Original poster
Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 06:09

Well it is mainly the broken sofa ... I am not bothered about him sleeping in our bed because he could use the spare bedroom if he wanted. He seems to be drawn to the sofa downstairs. This morning I get up for a coffee and there he is sprawled on the sofa again!! I could have kicked him because he promised he would stop before the new one arrived.

OP posts:
hopeishere · 08/08/2019 06:10

How is he breaking a dog any sleeping on it? Is he massive?

Original poster
Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 06:14

@hopeishere

He is not enormous but has a bit of a belly.

What do you mean by breaking a dog??

OP posts:
Humanswarm · 08/08/2019 06:17

Are you for real?? How does sleeping in the sofa break it?

Scott72 · 08/08/2019 06:18

I guess she meant to type "sofa" instead "dog". But how does sleeping on a sofa damage them so badly? I knew someone who went to sleep in his sofa chair every night (I don't know how he did it) and he had that chair for a very long time.

Weenurse · 08/08/2019 06:19

I also want to know how the sofa gets wrecked?

Herat1986 · 08/08/2019 06:19

I think you need to talk to him (not have a go at him, actually talk to him with love and concern). It sounds like he is having trouble sleeping and falling asleep without the distraction of TV. That's a sure sign of depression, anxiety or stress. Could be nothing, could be something.
If you read back your OP I'm sure you can see that you could just as easily be talking about how to train a dog. I'm not saying this to have a go at you, just to point it out. Remember you are this man's partner - if it is a symptom of a deeper issue then he needs your support, not you moaning about sofas.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 08/08/2019 06:20

Could you put a tv in the spare room so he goes in there to watch instead of the sofa

usersouthcoast · 08/08/2019 06:22

Another vote for tv in spare room

ShippingNews · 08/08/2019 06:27

How does a sofa break from someone lying on it ? That's what they are built for ! Maybe buy a sofa which is long and strong , so it doesn't break so easily. He is obviously going to keep on doing this so you need to get the appropriate sofa.

cricketmum84 · 08/08/2019 06:29

I would do this regularly a couple of years ago when my anxiety was at its very worst. I couldn't sleep so would get up and watch tv and inevitable nod off on the sofa.

It wasn't until I started getting proper treatment that I started to get back to a proper routine.

You need to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about why he is getting up in the night. Be gentle, no recriminations. It can be extremely hard for men to open up and admit they are struggling and if this is the reason for him sleeping on the sofa he will need support.

Original poster
Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 06:30

@YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake

There is a tv in the spare room and a nice comfy double bed

OP posts:
Original poster
Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 06:31

@Weenurse

He makes it sag in the middle and because it is cream it is very stained and worn even though I keep steam cleaning it

OP posts:
Fillipe · 08/08/2019 06:31

Do you care about the fact that you don't sleep together?

Original poster
Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 06:32

@ShippingNews

I don't want to get a sofa strong enough for sleeping on that is not what it is for

OP posts:
Original poster
Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 06:34

@Fillipe

No we still have sex that is not the problem ... its the sofa being wrecked that is problem

OP posts:
category12 · 08/08/2019 06:39

Get an uncomfortable sofa that's too short to sleep on, and has wooden arms. Possibly spikes

Chouetted · 08/08/2019 06:41

I think you need to stop buying your sofas from DFS.

If it's not strong enough to sleep on, is it strong enough to sit on? Have sex on? Kids bouncing on it when they think you're not looking?

Also, why not ask him about putting a TV in the spare bedroom? It's gotta be cheaper than a sofa!

Jamhandprints · 08/08/2019 06:43

It's his home and he likes to sleep on sofas do you (both) need a sofa he can sleep on! Then it won't get wrecked and you'll both be happy. What's the problem with that if you're getting a new one anyway?
Or turn the spare room into a man cave with a sofa bed instead of a real bed.

Original poster
Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 06:44

@category12

Good idea but we don't want a sofa that is so uncomfortable that nobody can sit on it

OP posts:
Original poster
Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 06:45

@Chouetted

This sofa was from John Lewis but I noticed DFS has a sale on so I thought of getting one from there

OP posts:
burritofan · 08/08/2019 06:46

He makes it sag in the middle and because it is cream it is very stained and worn even though I keep steam cleaning it
Ask him to put a throw down on the new sofa when he kips. He's in charge of cleaning, mending, replacing sofas.

katewhinesalot · 08/08/2019 06:50

Accept toits going to happen so look for a sofa that you like but is more durable. Get a forgiving colour or a wipe clean one. Actually he might not find a leather one so cosy to sleep on.

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