Husband Sleeps On Sofa

[Mileysmiley]

As the title says my husband won't stop sleeping on the sofa (he has already wrecked 3) This is true unfortunately. I am about to order a new one from DFS but I am worried he will wreck it as well. He usually starts off in bed and then pretends to go to the loo and ends up on the sofa watching tv.

Any suggestions how to get him to stop doing this because I am at my wits end?

If he is doing it because of watching TV then remove the TV from the living room.
Maybe then he will watch it in spare bedroom.
Stop paying for new sofas yourself. If he is damaging them because he won't sleep in a choice of beds then he can pay to replace them.

near the end We're just the opposite, been married 30 years and like snuggling up in bed in case we are "near the end"

@toldmywrath
I agree!

My DP and I have slept separately most nights for the last few years.

It works for us because our DC are young and the youngest sometimes still co-sleeps with me.

We fell out so much more when we shared the bed due to keeping each other awake (his snoring mostly)

He sleeps on the sofa too, I thought because we don’t have a spare room but I’ve just asked him and he said he’d probably stick with the sofa anyway because it’s more ‘convenient’ for him.
He means that the telly, PlayStation, kettle and fridge are close at hand and he is happy with that.

Although I’m sure when the dc fly the nest and we do have a spare room we could kit it out for him with his comforts so he’s not on the sofa.

I too enjoy sleeping solo, and so does my DP.
It’s just the easiest way to get a good nights sleep in our house, lack of sleep is worse for us than sleeping apart.

Oh, and for us, we still have sex. That’s not something we associate with sharing a bed.

Well, whatever works best for people, we're all different.

Could you get a smaller sofa and a couple of chairs so that he can't lay on it comfortably?
My DH does this too as he likes the telly with that has Netflix on it and it 'keeps the cat company'
He doesn't even like the cat.
We got a new sofa that has recliners in it so he now sleeps on a recliner on 'his seat'.

There are always therapies to ease or cease snoring. For decades if not centuries women (and men if the woman is a snorer) have managed just fine. You do get used to it after awhile and adapt. I spoke to my mum today about it, because my late father snored the effing house down. Seriously, he sounded like a chainsaw almost. I could hear him in my room as a child. Mum told me stories about when they first moved in together and the other couple in the house thought they were shifting furniture around. That was how blooming loud he was. But as mum said, you adjust to it and it becomes your normal, and you are able to sleep. I mentioned this thread, and she was incredulous. The idea that a couple would sleep in separate beds just because the husband was snoring, was not something she could put together, to comprehend. And as she said, sofas are narrow and short, and are not remotely comfortable when laying down. But the thing is, it simply wasn't a thought entertained by anyone back then, that you would sleep separately, just because he snores. That's (according to mum, anyway) not grounds to sleep separately. And trust me, she was married for 49 years to an EPIC snorer. You put up with it. You adjust. Mum was a light sleeper, she now could sleep through a band outside the house. You get used to it. If the snoring is that bad, you can seek therapy, breathing methods etc. It doesn't have to be surgery.

Ugh, what a wall of text! Sorry, I should have used paragraphs.

OP have you asked him why he does it and why he isn't sleeping through?

Could you sleep on the sofa for a few nights just to break his habit?

(or try controlled crying?)

Whatevs saranade.

@SaraNade are you ACTUALLY telling someone how they should conduct their sleeping arrangements and their marriage because of what your mother can or cannot comprehend?

Are you 8 or something?

Can you you get your head around the fact that millions of other people have different ways of conducting their relationships including in separate beds, rooms, houses and even countries?

And just as a heads up, it was completely normal and usual at various points in just the last 200 years in England for married couples to be in different beds (twins beds for eg) and also different rooms.

Haffiana thank you, far more eloquent than my whatevs.

There are always therapies to ease or cease snoring.
Oh do tell - 25 years we've been searching for a solution in this house and no, you don't always get used to it or tune it out!!!!!

Wanting him to sleep in the same bed because you want him close at night is reasonable, and if that's your concern you need to discuss it. But trying to force him off the sofa because you think him sleeping on it is grotty or low class just seems controlling and a bit strange to me.

Stop replacing the knackered sofas?

Haha @SaraNade I wish it was as easy as getting used to it. I have been with my husband for 12 years and the snoring was so bad that I was starting to become resentful towards him. He moved to the spare room and voila, I no longer feel like kicking him in the shins.

OP. If your only issue is the sofa getting ruined, I think you need to insist that he puts a sheet or similar down before sleeping on it, tell him to pay for regular steam cleaning and/or make him pay for the sofa when it needs replacing.

Just an update I have officially ordered a new sofa complete with scotch guard and I have purchased a cleaning kit especially for my new sofa. He was eating a curry on the old sofa last night and told him once the new sofa came there would be no eating or sleeping on it.

Its a pet hate but first of all don’t buy the DFS one it’s most likely going to sag and break.
I hate coming home and seeing my son on the sofa lying there.On my lovely cream sofa.
I tell him all the time but I bet he does it and when he hears me coming through makes a dash.
I understand your pain .
Don’t think he will stop doing it though some just feel more comfortable on sofas than beds.My son says beds are for sleeping sofas are for relaxing.
I see it as sofas for sitting beds for laying on.

Most wives would be beside themselves with confusion and grief.

😂

Most wives would be beside themselves with confusion and grief.

Hehe - not this one (or me)

You get a better night's sleep. Wait till you get the menopause and you're sweating like a pig all night - you'll be glad he's on the pigging sofa

told him once the new sofa came there would be no eating or sleeping on it.

Yes yes you are controlling and sound like his mum. What if he uses a tray??

Recently my DH has started to allow our two big dogs on our bed so I now sleep in the spare room and I prefer it.

You're going about this tyke wing way. You don't need to train him to not eat and sleep there. He clearly likes sleeping there, which makes you angry. And clearly a cream or light coloured sofa it's going to stain, make you angry. Your priorities, that he not sleep there seems that the light coloured sofa doesn't get stained, are unreasonable.

Now then, that's going a step too far OP, not being allowed to eat on the sofa What about a quick sandwich whilst watching TV or a takeaway?