Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Husband Sleeps On Sofa

98 replies

Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 05:56

As the title says my husband won't stop sleeping on the sofa (he has already wrecked 3) This is true unfortunately. I am about to order a new one from DFS but I am worried he will wreck it as well. He usually starts off in bed and then pretends to go to the loo and ends up on the sofa watching tv.

Any suggestions how to get him to stop doing this because I am at my wits end?

OP posts:

Fillipe · 08/08/2019 12:52

MilkTray even at weekends? What about holidays away?

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 08/08/2019 13:02

Fillipe - Holidays are fine but he finds it so hard to relax - his mind is always churning about work things! It's partly my own fault anyway because I am such a light sleeper, the slightest noise wakes me up!

NewMe2019 · 08/08/2019 16:23

Ex H slept on the sofa for 10 years. I hated it. I also had to point out he needed to put something down as the sofa (brown) was getting stained. That part is not as nice and firm as the other side now (corner sofa).

Sofas aren't designed to be slept on every night by heavy people. I'm not surprised they keep getting wrecked. When you have a perfectly good spare room with a bed and TV I'd be annoyed too OP and I'd be asking exactly why he kept doing this. I'd also make him keep replacing them, why should you??

It is scruffy as well. Old blanket and pillow just usually left there as I came down each morning just furthered my irritation. It was the beginning of the end for us really when he clearly ignored my displeasure at it and did nothing to resolve the reasons for hum doing it in the first place.

BiBiBirdie · 08/08/2019 16:28

DH has mostly slept on the sofa for years and years. First it was because I co-slept with DD as I BF, then he suffered a back injury and would have a hard time sleeping and didn't want to disturb me.
I can't see how him having a bit of a belly is damaging a sofa, DH isn't exactly whippet thin and ours have survived. I would suggest a sofa with washable covers though.
It doesn't bother me in the slightest! I love having the bed to myself. It doesn't disrupt any intimacy in our relationship, in fact I get a warning when he's on the look out for sex as he gets in bed!

StCharlotte · 08/08/2019 18:59

Next time buy a couple of small "snuggler" sofas so they're too small to sleep on.

SaraNade · 08/08/2019 19:02

A husband choosing to sleep on the sofa rather than cuddle up to his wife in their bed is not normal though, hence why I said relationship problem. I would be devastated if my husband chose to sleep on the sofa, rather than with me. Absolutely gutted and devastated. I would wonder what is wrong with me that he is rejecting me. So I am surprised you don't seem to care or be bothered about it. It is simply not normal for the husband to choose to sleep on a sofa rather than with his wife in his own bed. Unless there has big a fight and he is 'in the dog house', so to speak. It's just not normal. Most wives would be beside themselves with confusion and grief.

As for the sofa, if you don't replace it, he can't sleep on it. Don't replace it. Then see what happens.

HeckyPeck · 08/08/2019 19:12

I see you’ve already bought another sofa. I hope you at least made him pay for it this time as he’s the one breaking it?

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 08/08/2019 19:58

In my opinion, double beds are one of the worst ever inventions, along with mobile phones. In fact, the more elite people in years gone by always had separate rooms and the double bed was invented to squash more people into the same room.

andannabegins · 08/08/2019 20:19

My partner and I often take it in turns to sleep on the sofa. I have restless legs and hardly sleep and I can't settle in bed so it's better to go downstairs. My partner also doesn't sleep well so he sometimes sleeps there. I would be really upset if my DP said I wasn't allowed to settle where I am comfy

RevSeptimusHarding · 09/08/2019 00:16

I don't want to get a sofa strong enough for sleeping on that is not what it is for

There's your problem. You are buying rubbish sofas. Any well made sofa should be strong enough to sleep on.

MrsDimmond · 09/08/2019 00:26

Surely a sofa is more likely to be damaged by being sat on rather than being lain on ? The weight is more evenly distributed when a person is lying down ...

Chouetted · 09/08/2019 01:56

It may not be "usual" for married couples to sleep apart, but it's certainly not unusual.

Original poster

Mileysmiley · 09/08/2019 07:11

grrr! he is still sleeping on the sofa ... anymore suggestion?

OP posts:

Scott72 · 09/08/2019 07:53

Let him sleep on the sofa. If you are fine with sleeping apart from him, then it really doesn't matter. Its not worth worrying about.

SaraNade · 09/08/2019 14:04

FFS, just tell him that if he wants to sleep on the sofa rather than with his WIFE, you'll divorce him and he can marry his sofa. If it were me if he was repelled by me that much he had to sleep on the sofa, I'd leave and get a divorce. Not kidding. That is just not normal. Something is very very wrong for that to happen, and I don't think you grasp it. He doesn't seem to love you, and puzzlingly, you don't even seem to care!

For goodness sake, why don't you just tell him NO sleeping on the sofa?

honeylulu · 09/08/2019 14:36

Don't replace sofa. Just get a couple of bean bags and take them upstairs at night. If he wants one that much he can bloody well buy it!

dottiedodah · 09/08/2019 15:10

I agree with Sara Nade . Husband on sofa is not conducive to closeness (or sex) ,and feeling close as a couple together. Can you speak to him about maybe single beds or 2 zipped together ( these are really great!) expensive but well worth it .What happens when you are on hols?!

Fillipe · 09/08/2019 15:29

Am I a bit too soft /sensitive or something? I've asked this before but you didn't reply OP? What about the nightly cuddles /spooning, etc? Not sex, but just the regular body contact / comfort? It must be like something is missing? I asked about hols and pp said they're fine. But how? It must be difficult to adjust for a week or two when usually you're apart? Sorry, don't mean to be nosy, just don't get it.

toldmywrath · 09/08/2019 18:45

Saranade Most wives would be beside themselves with confusion and grief.
I hope you're saying this tongue in cheek.
We have spare bedrooms now children have left home but my DH loves to sleep on the sofa.
He's ruined two doing this.
His snoring and fidgeting is dreadful.
I love sleeping solo.

SaraNade · 09/08/2019 22:56

@toldmywrath No, I'm not. Not at all. If your husband suddenly started sleeping on the sofa without telling you why I am sure, unless you are made of stone, that you'd feel the same way. The thing is, the OP DOES KNOW WHY the husband is sleeping on the sofa. That, is where the difference is. And as dottiedodah and Fillipe said, the lack of closeness must take some toll on one as a couple, surely. It's hardly conducive to a close marriage.

SaraNade · 09/08/2019 22:58

*OP DOESN'T KNOW WHY

SaraNade · 09/08/2019 22:59

Toldmywrath if you prefer to live as basically just flatmates, that's your choice, I guess.

Fillipe · 09/08/2019 23:30

toldmywrath why did you get married if you "love sleeping solo". I'm intrigued, please explain why you got married, if that's not too intrusive a question?

toldmywrath · 10/08/2019 08:58

Not too intrusive. We're not living as flatmates, we snuggle up on the sofa and enjoy each others company (mostly)
We've been married for decades and I overheat at night. Sleeping solo means we both actually get quality sleep. This shouldn't be underrated.
DH had an unsuccessful operation on his nose for the snoring.
I think you'll find that a goodly percentage of couples do enjoy sleeping solo.

toldmywrath · 10/08/2019 09:02

We got married because we fell in love, wanted to have children together and take care of each other. All our children are grown up and left home, we've entered a lovely stage in our relationship.
Different but so much less stressful and time for relaxation as we near the end (oh dear that sounds maudlin! )

Flip

1 2 3 4