Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@ohhahhh789 As he hasn’t got the message I would block his number.

@Sunshineandflipflops It’s fairly standard, my record is 9 hours at Heathrow, detainment is quicker at least now, it was always at least 2-4 hours when I had to travel on my Pakistani passport. Had a shave tonight, I should have done it before the flight 😂

Block without a further thought

I always use kik instead of WhatsApp for new irons until I'm sure about them. So much easier to block them because they don't have your phone number.

I just feel really mean. I don't have a problem if they are being horrid but he's not. He is coming across as desperate though.
I used to use Kik which I'd forgotten about. Nowadays it's as easy to block on WhatsApp so it doesn't bother me too much in that respect.

Oooh I found the silver lining of the holiday location / bumble location issue.
I just sat down and messaged 12 different men that they were absolutely gorgeous but I am only here on holidays and usually 200 miles away. So far I have had 3 "aw thanks" and 2 "would you consider moving house" 😝😝😝😊😊😊
But, my it doesn't hurt the ego at all! And it's safe too!

Kik has a reputation as a cheaters app. If a guy wouldn't use WA it'd raise a red flag for me

Agree ginnel if someone suggests Kim to me I assume cheating

Kik obvs poor Kim 😂

If someone suggests Kim, I'm thinking three's a crowd.

I'm not cheating, I just hate giving men my phone number until I'm really sure about them. Had some bad experiences. I know you can block them on WhatsApp, but does that stop them calling you or texting you outside of WhatsApp?

I can be a bit paranoid. I blame Fab and an EA ex.

@CrazySnakeLady if you have an iPhone you can block them directly via the phone too but I don't know about other phones. I imagine with most smart phones you can nowadays.

sunshine so pleased you and Mr SAS had a lovely reunion. As you are clearly getting the feels I think it might be a good idea to have the chat and see where you both are? I know I assumed Mr S and I were on the same page. He wanted to see me 3 or 4 times a week. Did odd jobs around the house. Spent time talking to my son etc. Only we weren't on the same page and finding that out was very painful and is why we ended it.

I'm still on holiday. Chatting to Mr B daily who wants to see me when I get home. Also chatting less frequently to Mr French.

Sorry the apps aren't going well for you supercali. You def deserve some fun.

I used Kik for Fab instead of using the site to message. I'm not a cheater!

@crazysnakelady yes you can block them on your phone too. It's v easy.

@bats not everyone who uses kik is a cheater. It's more a lot of cheaters use kik.

SimonJT I am on your behalf at your airport experience.

Sunshine we all knew you were smitten with Mr SAS 😂 Sounds like he's getting that way with you, too.

Mr BC and I have just organised our fourth trip away - beautiful Italian city, in October 😍 We have a UK trip coming up over the August bank holiday weekend. Last August I spent the bank holiday alone - what a difference a year makes!

Can someone explain what an 'iron' is?

I get that it's an iron in the fire metaphor, but is it someone you're dating, someone you're chatting to and it's going well, just someone you're chatting to, or just someone you've matched?

I see irons referenced all the time, and I'm like, 'do I have irons?' 😀

I use irons for people I'm chatting to and it's going well. Normally I have a date arranged as I don't chat for long before meeting.

Some of us may brand the irons differently though. Boom tish. That joke even made me laugh.

Wise people, can I ask for some advice?
Had a date last night. It went reasonably well. But I felt like I wasn't quite right for him.
Not sure if that's me feeling insecure or vibes I was getting.

I sent him a "lovely to meet you" text when I got home. He replied with something similar (but I was asleep so didn't read it til this morning).

So now what? Do I assume he doesn't want a second date? Do I wait and see if he gets in touch again?
I thought I might say "do you fancy meeting again or was once enough for you?"

@FMFL I can only think Mr Cyclist thought I was deliberately ignoring him? Any more thoughts on why Mr Bucket might be giving you bad vibes?
@ohhahhh789 There's just a certain je ne sais quoi that's required isn't there? A mix of looks and chat. I also think personal readyness defo contributes, 10 weeks out of a 2 year relationship does sound soon - unless you mentally moved on from it long before? I just spent 2 months not dating after a 4/5 month thing haha.

I've got 2 new irons. Mr Beekeeper and Mr Forearms. The rain brings all the boys to the OLD yard haha. Of the 2 Mr Forearms gives me the sexy shivers, he's just so fecking manly looking.

@EchoElephant My advice - defo don't send that message, it sounds like you're already putting yourself down ya know? I personally like them to ask me, it helps me gauge their interest - because he sent the last message maybe something light chit/chatty without any pressure on another date.

@supercali77 I know what you mean. I'm putting myself down because I don't think he wants to see me again. And I'd rather he just said so than carry on exchanging polite messages until one of us gives up.

I'm struggling to think what to say other than a bland 'hope you have a nice day'

Ooh don't reply again. @EchoElephant

My recent experience is that nothing has changed since dating 20 years ago, men have no embarrassment in chasing. Even if you ignore their first message, if they are interested, they come back.

Being relatively passive is annoying but it is a great tool in gauging their genuine interest level

@EchoElephant I hate the thought of someone not being interested in me and that then makes me lose interest. I'd probably see how things go today and tomorrow, see if he texts as normal and seems interested or asks for another date. If he seems interested I'd probably carry on messaging until he asks. If he doesn't then I'd back off x

Thanks @Ginmel I just need to tune my radar for what I consider going well is 🙂

I've matched with quite a few on Hinge over the last week (about 40-50). But I'd say about 40% never respond. Another 40% ends with me sending the last message (ghosted! 😀) after a bit of back and to. The last 20% is then a bit chatty and I've had two move to WhatsApp (1 ghosted me after 1st message 🤦‍♂️)

It's quite a grind OLD 😬. At least from a guy's perspective.