Dating a man who seems to have had a personality transplant overnight

[PatSharpsMullett]

Very confused here. Have been on several wonderful dates with a man I met online. He told me he hasn’t had a connection like this with anyone in so long and that he’s excited to see what happens with us. He did all the chasing, said all the right things.

Fifth date was last Thursday and we slept together. He has been very quiet since (unusual as he Normally contacts me a lot) and on Sunday he text to say he’s finding life very difficult at the moment. He said he doesn’t want me to think just because we’ve had sex he’s changed his mind, he just isn’t in a good place as apparently one of his friends died a week ago. I said I was sorry to hear that, that I understood and asked if he wanted to talk. He said ‘no, I’ve got nothing to say really.’

I backed off and have given him space but today he messages to say his friends funeral is next week. I asked if he would be going and he said ‘nah, not worth taking the day off work for someone i last saw five years ago.’ For someone who was seemingly so upset about his friend dying, I thought it was a weird reply.

He’s since been moaning about how he’s got a lot on his plate but has completely stopped asking anything about me. Texts from him are short and cold. It’s so odd. He’s literally gone from one of the funniest people I ever met to being completely cold and devoid of any affection towards me. I don’t know what to do from here. My gut is telling me that he’s lost interest since we had sex and is trying to phase me out. I’ve tried to be supportive of his issues without being full on and I even said that if he wanted to
Take a break from dating then that’s fine - he reacted by saying “what the fuck are you on about? Why are you acting like I’m some sort of prick? If I didn’t want you I’d just say”

At a bit of a loss here. Dating should be fun but I don’t know how to handle this one.

Oh god.

If I had a pound for every thread where the man has gone horrible or cold after the first time the couple's had sex, I could sort out the entire NHS.

I would just back off. Like you say early on in a relationship is should be easy/fun. Seems very odd he was upset about his friend but then not go to the funeral.

He sounds miserable. Maybe this is his real personality and you’re close enough now that the real him is showing through the cracks. I wouldn’t waste another day worrying about it as you’re right, this should be the fun carefree but. I’d toss this one back.

Problem with online dating is you have no context. You only know what this person decides to tell/show you. Maybe because you have slept together he doesn’t need to make any effort. If you don’t like this new (true) side to him back way off.

“what the fuck are you on about? Why are you acting like I’m some sort of prick? If I didn’t want you I’d just say”
This alone would put me off, what the fuck?! Who the hell does he think he’s swearing at? He sounds like a total fuck nugget OP. Bin him off.

Cut him loose. He has shown you where his priorities lie, and while that's horrible to deal with, you've saved yourself the bother of getting further involved with him.

Placing marking - this Exact Scenario happened to me at the weekend..... what happens on men's brains that they think this is okay - sympathies

He did all the chasing, said all the right things.

He lovebombed you and then went cold after sex. That's all.

I would even doubt whether the friend he mentioned was real, let alone had died.

Leave it now.

"If I didn’t want you I’d just say”

This is not true. They don't say. Not these types. It has nothing to do with you, and it's worth bearing in mind this one thing: this 'new' personality is his real one. The one you fell for was a front, a 'false self'. In other words, he is strikingly psychologically immature.

Come on, op. Block this arsehole. His mask slipped and you're seeing him for who he really is. Run for your life.

“what the fuck are you on about? Why are you acting like I’m some sort of prick? If I didn’t want you I’d just say”

Yeah, and I'd dump for that alone.

Five dates and hes treating you like that? No thanks.
Imagine what it will be like 6 months down the track.

@keepfuckingoff (great username btw 😂) The aggressive response was the bit that got me, he made me feel really bad and like I was being a drama queen for saying maybe he needs some space. The thing is, it’s hard work dating someone who only messages things like “My boss has fucked me right off today” or “Can’t deal with life right now” instead of a breezy “Morning, how are you?” It’s constant moaning from him and we’re only a few weeks down the line.

Even if you were being charitable and assuming he’d maybe taken a depressive turn (maybe has MH issues or similar) there’s no excuse for him swearing at you.

If you accept this sort of attitude at this early stage you’re giving him the green light to swear at you and treat you callously (or worse) in the future. Don’t do it. Tell him to get lost.

So he was like this from the start? The constant complaining?

The thing is, it’s hard work dating someone who only messages things like “My boss has fucked me right off today” or “Can’t deal with life right now” instead of a breezy “Morning, how are you?” It’s constant moaning from him and we’re only a few weeks down the line

So don't date him then. It's not compulsory and it will only get worse.

Stop contacting him, when he gets in touch tell him this isn't working for you and wish him well.... Or tell him to fuck off. I wouldn't tolerate being sworn at.

@AFistfulofDolores1 No, not at all. He was like a completely different person. Funny, positive, complimentary towards me, a real laugh. As soon as we’d had sex - boom - he’s turned into a moaning sweary arse.

Tell him to get lost. How dare he speak to you like that! I would not see a man again who texted me that. Vile

Op I'd bin him. This is the real him. What a shit.

So he got what he wanted.

He is incapable of intimacy, and probably has a string of relationships that have ended similarly - except he'll no doubt say that his exes are the ones with the problem.

Look up "avoidant personality type" and you'll get the measure of him.

Run a mile OP! He sounds like a miserable, horrible man and not worth the bother quite frankly.

Thank you all. I think I’ll just have to chalk it up to experience and move on.

Can’t help feeling bad about how he reacted to
Me suggesting we take a break from dating. He keeps saying he was fuming that I said that and that I was very petty.

He lovebombed you and then went cold after sex. That's all.

This^^
It sounds like his true personality is coming out. At least you've only wasted a few weeks on him before you've found out who he really is. A moany difficult twunt.
Go back on OLD and find a better guy.

These men have an absolute exact idea of what they need to say to women, what the best possible thing a woman might want to hear is. This is not who they actually are - the very start of the "script" always, always begins with "I've never felt like this with anyone in a long time"...etc. they know exactly how to make a woman feel special and wanted. They are con men. They are out to get one thing in this game they play, and once they get it, they get bored and their true colours usually come blazing through. You will be much, much safer in the long run not seeing this man again.