Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating a man who seems to have had a personality transplant overnight

90 replies

PatSharpsMullett · 30/07/2019 21:00

Very confused here. Have been on several wonderful dates with a man I met online. He told me he hasn’t had a connection like this with anyone in so long and that he’s excited to see what happens with us. He did all the chasing, said all the right things.

Fifth date was last Thursday and we slept together. He has been very quiet since (unusual as he Normally contacts me a lot) and on Sunday he text to say he’s finding life very difficult at the moment. He said he doesn’t want me to think just because we’ve had sex he’s changed his mind, he just isn’t in a good place as apparently one of his friends died a week ago. I said I was sorry to hear that, that I understood and asked if he wanted to talk. He said ‘no, I’ve got nothing to say really.’

I backed off and have given him space but today he messages to say his friends funeral is next week. I asked if he would be going and he said ‘nah, not worth taking the day off work for someone i last saw five years ago.’ For someone who was seemingly so upset about his friend dying, I thought it was a weird reply.

He’s since been moaning about how he’s got a lot on his plate but has completely stopped asking anything about me. Texts from him are short and cold. It’s so odd. He’s literally gone from one of the funniest people I ever met to being completely cold and devoid of any affection towards me. I don’t know what to do from here. My gut is telling me that he’s lost interest since we had sex and is trying to phase me out. I’ve tried to be supportive of his issues without being full on and I even said that if he wanted to
Take a break from dating then that’s fine - he reacted by saying “what the fuck are you on about? Why are you acting like I’m some sort of prick? If I didn’t want you I’d just say”

At a bit of a loss here. Dating should be fun but I don’t know how to handle this one.

OP posts:
31RueCambon · 31/07/2019 07:47

I like the suggestion to say "my niece's hampster died; too upset for drama"

Allli · 31/07/2019 08:10

Whatever is going on with him you don’t need his drama. Time to leave.

Someone the same age group as him that he knows from the past has died and he’s thinking about that and it’s more about how crap what’s left of his life is and he’s feeling a bit sorry for himself as he’s realised he could die too. He didn’t tell you that though, he pretended it was coz his mate was dead and he missed him, but you caught him out.

He should be a tad sad, as we all would, but also high on life because he’s met you and you’re great. Instead of him being a grumpy git.

Na, he’s not The One. Move on. And don’t be surprised if you get a nasty text from him about how bad you are to not care when he’s having such a difficult time, yada yada. Don’t listen if anything like that is texted to you, you’ve been considerate of his feelings and done the right things. His issues are not your fault, and they’re only gonna get worse, don’t get drawn in. Not worth it. Any nasty text just ignore them or reply with a “I’m sorry you feel like that. I hope you resolve your issues soon and wish you happiness. Bye”

betrayedandwobbly · 31/07/2019 08:23

He sounds just like my STBX

(hope it isn't him, btw)

So bearing in mind I'm projecting like crazy - he's telling significant Ex that he really wants to make it up, whilst love bombing at least the third target. Instant post-coital regrets, but he'll mask them by shagging you again (as that's the only thing that obliterates the bad feelings)

On a less bitter note - you've noticed he's always negative towards you. That is in itself a good reason to leave. You'll end up very ground down by it all.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 31/07/2019 08:25

No woman should ever tolerate being spoken to like that, ever.

And as for the PP with the “up north” comment, well..... 🙄

Fififellforit · 31/07/2019 08:29

@HopeIsNotAStrategy
That is because it sounds so like some one I met .

Fififellforit · 31/07/2019 08:30

Could be same man or that they all follow the same script .

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 31/07/2019 08:44

No, my mistake, I’m sure it will be the same person.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 31/07/2019 08:46

😉

Ticklemeelmo · 31/07/2019 08:54

Your gut is right, he was just after one thing, turned cold after he got it and is too cowardly to admit it.

Belfield · 31/07/2019 09:06

I'm going against the grain here. I don't think he has gone off you since sex. I think he is now more settled since you have had sex and feels you are now a shoulder to moan on. This is his real personality now which he feels comfortable revealing since you have been intimate. It's up to you to decide whether you like him or not. I don't feel he will go missing or ghost you but I think you will!

Windmillwhirl · 31/07/2019 09:09

I think he got what he wanted and wants you to dump him and not contact him again.

It's too much of a coincidence this happened after the sex.

He has a very nasty side, I'd never see him again.

hellsbellsmelons · 31/07/2019 09:34

He's a game player, a head fuck and sounds abusive to boot.
I really hope you have blocked him now.
NEXT >>>>

Fififellforit · 31/07/2019 09:56

[grin]@HopeIsNotAStrategy
Unlikely...loads like him out there .

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2019 10:02

Seriously why are you hanging on in there. He's just shown you who he is. He sweet talked you into thr sack, and now the deed is done, he's thinking he's got you so can stop making an effort.

Bin him off.

Elle2019 · 31/07/2019 10:44

Run Op Run. Don’t try figure it out just block him.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page