Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Wtf is going on with dh

690 replies

holidayharpie · 29/07/2019 23:36

I'm currently on holiday. DH has been suffering depression for years and done nothing to help himself despite significant support. I work very long hours and in the run up to the holiday I've been working very long hours for a few months. DC 14 and 16 have been complaining about his behaviour and I have found him difficult. This holiday his behaviour has become bizarre. He's been NC with his parents for 20 years and many of his behaviours are identical to his dads. Examples

  1. unable to take any criticism or perceived criticism. This may include a look from dd14 if he flicks sand on her etc, not actually criticism. He flies of the handle, shouting, accusations, storming off.
  2. constant threats of leaving the place we are at, the holiday and me.
  3. his mouth is constantly hanging open, all day and all night, he didn't do this before.
  4. biting his nails, his fingers and scratching his nostrils
  5. eating everything, all the food to share, all the snacks etc. Literally stuffing handfuls of crisps etc into iOS mouth. He's always been v slim and was a fitness model, he's looking v out of shape. (I am concerned about him not what he looks like)
  6. greedy odd behaviour, ordering 3 courses when everyone's having a snack etc. It doesn't bother me for the money or food, but it's very different to his usual self.
  7. sleeping 10+ hours a night and snoring, can't wake up, foul tempered when he wakes up.

What's happening to him? We're all on egg shells in case he has a massive tantrum.
This morning dd wanted a pastry, I said 'oh sorry i think your dad just had the last one' and he went berserk, calling me a liar, saying I was turning everyone against him etc. This was on the veranda of the hotel with other guests around.
It's so hard to manage his moods.
Any ideas?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
BlankTimes · 31/07/2019 13:10

Happy Birthday Harpie!

Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine Cake Flowers Wine

Well done for stating your case, I hope you can have some consideration from your DH now.
I hope your longed-for event is the wonderful experience you've looked forward to for so long.

verticality · 31/07/2019 13:32

Happy birthday Harpie! I'm glad you've found a way of coping and enjoying your day as much as circumstances permit. Flowers

VictoriaBun · 31/07/2019 13:34

Happy birthday 🎂🎂🍨🍨🍰🍰
Let this birthday be the one where you tell yourself that by your next birthday things will have changed. Be that your husband gets the help he needs and life with him becomes how you would want it to be . Or that you start to look into life with just you and your children for the sake of all your mental health.

SpoonBlender · 31/07/2019 13:40

Happy birthday! Hope the event comes together!

NetflixAndGin · 31/07/2019 13:44

Hi @harpie, I've been following the thread since the beginning - Happy Birthday to you, hope you manage to have a good day in spite of the circumstances. Hope your 'D'H doesn't ruin it for you. Hope you both manage to get the support you need when you return home. Sending love and Flowers

Rivkka · 31/07/2019 13:53

Happy birthday I hope you really enjoy your special experience ( am I the only one here who would love to know what it is?!)

ThanksWine

AcrossthePond55 · 31/07/2019 14:14

Happy Birthday and I really hope your once in a lifetime experience is everything you dream of.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/07/2019 14:31

Happy Birthday Harpie! I hope your long-awaited experience is as good as you hoped for! ThanksCakeWine
And well done on the talk - hope that when you do get back home he listens and goes to the doc to discuss his meds and how he's been affected - but I still think that maybe it's time to call an end to this life.
A friend of mine has, in the past year, managed to offload her emotionally abusive husband and commented when it was her wedding anniversary that this was the first year he hadn't ruined it for her (because he wasn't there to do so this year) and how fucking sad was that! She feels so much better now!

Maybe your next birthday will be your first one of freedom from this emotional drain?

mcmooberry · 31/07/2019 14:41

Crikey just read the whole thread! Agree with @BoronationStreet he has take, take, taken from you for years - 20!! - and enough is enough. You and your DC deserve a calm and happy life. Well done from standing firm and detaching, hope this will improve the situation and give him a sufficient fright through the meds to stop his aggressive and frightening behaviour. Happy Birthday and hope the event lives up to expectations!!

HappyLoneParentDay · 31/07/2019 14:54

Yeah I've taken Mirtazapine and I remember being a total dick. Lost a relationship because of how much it changed me. I remember sitting in boyfriend's car admitting I was spiralling out of control.

Duloxetine however - Wow. It's saved my life. They all work differently for everyone but those I know who've taken Duloxetine rate it very highly. As an SNRI as oppose to an SSRI it also seems to act a lot faster.

LeopardPrintKnickers · 31/07/2019 15:05

Oh Harpie, wishing you the most wonderful experience today. Focus on what you can see, smell, taste and feel and try as hard as you can to put him and the situation to one side while you focus on your amazing day. Sending you love and strength for the decisions you make further down the line but for now, hope today is magical.

beanaseireann · 31/07/2019 15:48

Happy Birthday to you holidayharpie. CakeThanksHaloStar

foreverhanging · 31/07/2019 15:55

Happy birthday harpie!

historysock · 31/07/2019 16:26

Happy Birthday love.
Be safe, be happy, get home ok

FinnBalorsAbs · 31/07/2019 16:30

Happy birthday Harpie. I hope your long-awaited experience is epic and you and the DC enjoy every moment.

holidayharpie · 31/07/2019 16:39

You are all very wise women, you've saved the day for me and dc. I was losing the plot 48hrs ago. 1 sleep! So excited Grin

OP posts:
holidayharpie · 31/07/2019 16:41

Dh is sleeping under a tree atm! Us 3 are frolicking in the sea. There's no one around for miles. It's heaven. I feel peaceful. Live in the moment is she best advice I could have got. Let go. Thank you

OP posts:
LarkDescending · 31/07/2019 16:44

Happy birthday OP. I am imagining your eagerly-awaited "experience" as a hot-air balloon trip at sunset over the Masai Mara as you survey the great migration but whatever it is I hope it is wonderful. Cake Flowers

LarkDescending · 31/07/2019 16:45

X-post and I am totally wrong! No sea near the Masai Mara. Oh well!

Yawninfinitum · 31/07/2019 16:53

What a horrible situation but you sound like it has at least forced a decision that needed to be taken

Hope your event is amazing and you have had a good bday

Stay strong when you get home

tolerable · 31/07/2019 17:00

happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!11x

Mitzimaybe · 31/07/2019 17:14

OP I hope he doesn't spoil your special day any more than he has already and I think you've handled it really well.

I'm itching to know what this special event is... can't you tell us? (Or PM me?)

Luckybe40 · 31/07/2019 17:16

Anyone else dying of curiosity where the OP is???Grin

Jboure · 31/07/2019 17:35

Egypt and the pyramids

Strugglingonagain · 31/07/2019 17:47

No advice but I really hope you get to do your special event OP, and really really enjoy it x