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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he wont marry me because im overweight

114 replies

unloved · 19/09/2004 13:19

me and my dp have been together for 6 years and have one child,
he says he love me (but not for my looks) but he wont marry me bacause im so overweight i really dont no what to say to him how can i love somone who is ashasmed of me

OP posts:
bran · 19/09/2004 13:55

Perhaps he can see that you are miserable and over-weight, and thinks that the misery is caused by being over-weight rather than the other way around. Some people are motivated by bluntness and a boot camp approach, they see it as a challenge (mostly men), whereas others are motivated by encouragement and praise (which would probably work for you).

Tell him to keep his nasty opinions to himself, and instead of buying you equipment he could encourage you by spending time with you to distract you from food, go for walks or give you a foot massage when you have a craving.

If he won't marry you until you've lost weight, then you shouldn't marry him until he's learnt to be kind.

cuppy · 19/09/2004 13:55

Im sorry I know this is not the response you are looking for but I really think you need to get rid of him.
He does absoloutely nothing for your self esteem. By telling you you are overweight and that people will say stuff about you probably makes you feel that you have to stay with him cos noone else will want you. AND THIS IS NOT TRUE. But the longer you stay with him while he is spouting this bollocks, the more likely you are to believe him. GET OUT - HE IS MEAN.

Original poster
unloved · 19/09/2004 13:57

i no , i might try and lose a bit but not for him he once said that hes been trying to get me to lose weight for 3 years an id only ever lose it if we split up because no one else would want me ,
he makes me feel guilty when he says please lose some weight for me he thinks i dint love him

OP posts:
competitionwinningCOD · 19/09/2004 13:57

were yo u overwight when he met you?

Original poster
unloved · 19/09/2004 13:57

no i was very slim

OP posts:
competitionwinningCOD · 19/09/2004 13:58

and are you happy being over weight?

Original poster
unloved · 19/09/2004 13:59

no but not as unhappy as he is

OP posts:
competitionwinningCOD · 19/09/2004 13:59

why odnt you try and lose some then?

Original poster
unloved · 19/09/2004 14:00

i have tryed so many times but he makes it worse he made me do a diet once where i couldnt eat nothing at all for 2 days but i gave up

OP posts:
Yorkiegirl · 19/09/2004 14:01

Message withdrawn

fuzzywuzzy · 19/09/2004 14:01

Unloved I think it's him who has the problem here, I've never heard of a diet that requires complete starvation, how long did your dp expect you to keep it up before keeling over???

Original poster
unloved · 19/09/2004 14:03

when i catch him looking at women i say to him why do u stare so much and he says because ur so fat that is wht kills me

OP posts:
competitionwinningCOD · 19/09/2004 14:04

altho he does sound unkind I would be slighlty miffed if dh ( already quite curvacsous) changed his figure drastically either way -thin or fatter)

whymummy · 19/09/2004 14:05

your name says it all,he doesn't love you,i'm sorry, and if you lose weight he will find other ways to put you down

Original poster
unloved · 19/09/2004 14:05

so do u think hes right?

OP posts:
cuppy · 19/09/2004 14:06

He is horrible to you Unloved. Its really upsetting to hear.

competitionwinningCOD · 19/09/2004 14:06

I think you need to look at the relationship wihtout hte fat issue.
are you happy with the rest of it?

Yorkiegirl · 19/09/2004 14:06

Message withdrawn

Chandra · 19/09/2004 14:06

Unloved, Cuppy is so right, that's psyc abuse, and the longer it goes the more you accept that is You who hav the problem when in relaity he is the one who has it. Just think about it, I'm sure that if you were happy with yourself you wouldn't be interested in marrying such an .

Stand for yourself, If you loose weight, do it for yourself. I'm sorry to tell you this, but he seems a very insecure person and I very much doubt he is going to change even if you loose weight, he will find another thing to complain about...

Original poster
unloved · 19/09/2004 14:07

im going to join sliiming world but i dont want him to think im doing it for him ,

OP posts:
cuppy · 19/09/2004 14:07

No hes not right - he is a complete dick who is talking out of his arse.
Maybe he has his own insecurities that makes him put you down? But that doesnt excuse him. Noone deserves to be treated like you are.

hmb · 19/09/2004 14:08

Takinfg steroid for body builsding is a stupid thing to do, what and idiot he is. It can cause him to grow breasts, shuffer a shrinking penis, errection problems, liver damage and growth probelms as well as personality disorders. What a fool, all for bulging muscles.

Original poster
unloved · 19/09/2004 14:08

would u still lover ur dp if he put on 5 stone?

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 19/09/2004 14:09

unloved yes I would.

Freckle · 19/09/2004 14:11

You need to lose weight for yourself, not for some superficial jerk who uses looks as a way of putting you down and making you stay with him. Hell, if you lost enough weight, you might feel so good about yourself, you'd have the bottle to go out and find a real man.

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