AUBU to be upset with my best friend?

[Papamama87]

This is a bit of a long story so bare with me.
When I was younger I went out with a guy for a couple of years who I lived with. Long story short we split up and he ended up marrying a girl who he met through me as she was one of my good friends, we fell out when she got with him as at the time I couldn’t stand seeing them together and I was hurt by my friend.
Anyway it’s 10 years later now, we’ve all moved on etc and she sent me a friend request. I accepted cos everyone has moved on and I don’t want to seem like I’m still holding grudges.
I then see my best friend - I’m talking best friend who I’ve known many years, one of my bridesmaids etc - was friends with her on facebook. She only knew both of them through me and didn’t stay in touch with either of them, and new full well how hurt I was.
I see she’s commented about how beautiful their wedding video was, liked a lot of photos of them together.
AIBU to be upset by this? I just feel a bit.. betrayed?

Really, 10 years ago and you accept her request to move on. But upset, that your best friend is friend with her on Facebook? But you are friends with her? Why were you going through her photos? You are only hurting yourself?

It was 10 year ago, if you cant deal with it. Delete the woman fro. Your Facebook.

You say you didn’t want to seem as though you’re holding a grudge so could your best friend have felt that you wouldn’t be bothered?

People are ‘friends’ on Facebook even if they barely know each other in real life.

YABU. I'm friends on FB with plenty of folk I haven't seen for years.

I can understand why that’s weird. Can you talk about it with her?

So you can be 'friends' with her but other people cant?

I think you are over thinking this, lots of people like stuff on Facebook and comment on photos. Its an obvious thing to say how beautiful a wedding is. Doesn't make your best friend any less of a best friend.

If you are now happily married to someone else this really shouldn't be bothering you so much. I get you were upset 10 years ago but if I was your best friend I would feel a bit peeved if you were wanting to police who I'm friendly with and what I comment on Facebook.

It’s not so much the fact they are friends it’s more the fact she felt the need to comment on how beautiful their wedding was and she’d liked quite a lot of their stuff.
I think she knew that I would be bothered but didn’t expect me to become friends with her and would see it.
She’s throwing it back at me saying I’m married etc why am I bothered when I should be happy, but that’s not the point at all the point is I feel that she should dislike people who hurt me as she is my friend? Not even dislike I suppose just not feel the need to go out of her way to compliment them x

Even if she had said oh she added me and their wedding was lovely and was honest with me.. fine? But she’s always said that she never liked her and didn’t trust her, that she thought she was sly etc? Which is kind of why I’m more hurt I feel like she’s gone behind my back a bit x

Hang on. This woman got with him after you broke up? He didn't cheat on you with her?

I understand it might be a little hard to see but it sounds like neither of them actually did anything wrong and your best friend has done nothing wrong either.

You're not in school, she doesn't have to dislike people just because you do. Particularly if those people didn't even do anything wrong to begin with.

And she's totally right, it's ten years ago and you're happily married. There is no issue here. Grow up.

Maybe you should like people that she likes?

Where does this madness end...

She was one of my best friends at the time when I was with him then got with him about 6 months after. She was the one to come round after we split up etc when I was upset about it which is why it also got to me more I think.

You obviously haven't move on. Going back 10 years through photos and then being outraged at what you found is not 'moved on'.

You're being ridiculous OP. Keeping someone on Facebook and staying in touch properly are different things.

There is one or two reasonables and a few unreasonables in this.

It was reasonable to be hurt a friend got with your ex. But clearly as they married this was a serious relationship and not a whim on her part. But you cant control your friends and ex’s.

It’s ok to feel let down your best friend didn’t take the same view or approach as you did. From what I read she distanced herself but liked a few things on FB. It’s not like they were all out partying together. Anyway she is free to make her own mind up on how she dealt with the situation. None of them are beholden to you because you introduced them. None of them have to follow your rules of life

This is pretty childish to be honest. From your username I'm guessing you're 31/32, so this break up happened when you were 22ish. Presumably everyone has done a lot of growing up since then! Your friend is perfectly entitled to like whatever pictures/videos/comments she wants on Facebook. It's not a betrayal. It's Facebook. It's the whole purpose of social media, being connected with people you wouldn't otherwise be connected with. Maybe the wedding was beautiful, there's nothing wrong with commenting about that, even if you don't like the person. She's not said 'wow you make a great couple! Much better than with PapaMama87!' Has she?- That would be something I could understand your anger at.

'I feel that she should dislike people who hurt me as she is my friend?' - Wow! Please get over yourself and grow up! You don't own her thoughts or get to have any say with who she can communicate with! It was 10 years ago. Delete this ex friend and move on with your life. If something this trivial is affecting you this much then you need a clean break from the situation.

I haven’t gone back 10 years through photos?? They only got married recently it was one of the recent posts??

She was never friends with the girl when I was, always said she didn’t like her then when she got with my ex said I told you so - but only recently I would say the last 6 months have they been friends on facebook having had no contact in ‘real life’
Please stop telling me to grow up, I am asking for an opinion not a lecture or an insult.

I feel that she should dislike people who hurt me as she is my friend?

That's not how it works outside the teens OP. It really isn't.

I can't get over that you've actually pulled her about it.

The thing is when I liked a photo of them on Instagram a while ago she screen shotted it and messaged me saying “why are you liking her photos”

It's been a decade OP. Time to let it go or your husband light start to think you still hold a torch for your ex.

There's a good thread at the moment about the joy and relief of giving up Facebook.

I told my husband the whole story and he actually said if it was his friend he would be pissed off about it.
I’m not sure I explained myself in the OP - so my friend and the girl who got with my ex were never friends. They were in separate circles and my best friend said she never liked her - even while I was with my ex.
They did get together after we had broken up (to my knowledge but I think they started messaging before we had broken up) but surely even into our late 20s/30s ‘girl code’ exists? I would never go out with a friends ex but maybe that’s just me.
My best friend has always said she didn’t like her and was never friends with her on Facebook until recently. It was the past few months she has liked a lot of their things and commented on it.
If she had said to me that she thought it was beautiful and been honest I would have been less upset. It was the fact she said she never liked her, can’t believe what she did etc to then find they have recently become friends on their and she’s felt the need to comment on how amazing they are.
If she had said when we split up “I don’t mind her, I know she’s hurt you but she’s done nothing to me” different story. She didn’t and she always said she didn’t like her.
When I mentioned it to her I think even if she had said I can maybe see why you would be annoyed but I just liked it cos it’s a nice video, then ok. But she started saying how I can’t be happy in my marriage to care about it etc which isn’t the point.
She hadn’t been a great friend of late. She never came to my baby shower, engagement party, daughter’s birthday (even though she’s godmother) and she often goes out and never invites me but then if I go anywhere comments on how it must be nice to afford these things. I that’s also maybe why it’s peeved me a bit.
I kind of feel like the other girl was my friend and if I want to make amends/be civil that’s up to me but it like my best friend has almost gone out of her way to comment when there is no need as she didn’t like her and barely knew her.

Lam - I’ll check it out. My DH got rid of Facebook months ago and hasn’t missed it!

Anyway it’s 10 years later now, we’ve all moved on etc and she sent me a friend request. I accepted cos everyone has moved on

You said it yourself Everyone has moved on,which includes your friend and this woman. 10 years ago you might have a point. But a decade after you split, you want your best friend to be cross with this woman?? I think you have a different understanding of "moving on" to most people.

So she’s only been friends with this woman, on FB for less than a year.
So nine years after you ended it with your bf and this woman started going out with him, you’re annoyed your best friend has liked a photo on FB?

I think you’re blowing this completely out of proportion. I have two Dds and this is the kind fo thing they got upset about when they were 14.