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Original poster

Does size matter?

93 replies

IFeelSoConfused · 23/07/2019 09:58

NC because I know i'm being really shallow Confused

My ex was quite big - but in girth and length. We broke up at the start of the year due to wanting different things in life and he turned out to be quite selfish with only doing what he wanted to do.

Anyways, been seeing a new man and he is absolutely lovely. He really dotes on me and treats me amazingly.
But the only problem i have, and I know it's a shallow one:
We dtd for the first time last night and he was small. I don't know if he is small or im just comparing him to my.ex.

He definitly doesnt have much girth and it didnt seem very long either. I'd say about 4-5 inches but it's put me off slightly and i'm wondering if this is something that can be overcome?
I know, it's shallow and i'm gutted because i genuinly thiught he was so nice.

And i know this is weird, but once i got home and was by myself, i cried about my ex which i havent done in a long time Blush

I'm so confused :(

OP posts:
Whitepoppies · 23/07/2019 12:02

Prob more so you're not over your ex. Sounds like when you got down to the deed there wasn't sexual chemistry or passion.
Personally I couldn't continue if it was me
You can't pretend to enjoy it, that'll make you more upset.

picallili90 · 23/07/2019 12:50

4-5 inches when it was hard?

Deadringer · 23/07/2019 12:57

It doesn't matter to everyone but we like what we like, so if you like a bigger penis that's ok. 5 inches I could deal with but not 4 I don't think. You say he is lovely and treats you well but you don't say how you feel about him, do you actually fancy him? If you do maybe you should persevere and see how things go?

Mermaidsinthesand · 23/07/2019 12:57

If it matters to you then it does matter. I personally would feel the same

Ellabella989 · 23/07/2019 12:59

My ex had a small one and I didn’t enjoy sex with him as it just didn’t feel as good. If I were to settle down with someone with a small one long term then he would have to tick every other box. It might be shallow but sex is important to me

Original poster
IFeelSoConfused · 23/07/2019 13:08

I know, i just feel bad ending it with him over that,
I thought i fancied him and then I saw it and it's kind of made.me look at him differently Blush

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 23/07/2019 13:10

Surely the relevant question is how was the sex?

MonstranceClock · 23/07/2019 13:12

It definitely matters.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 23/07/2019 13:21

He might be having the very same thoughts over you - maybe your boobs are too big or too small to really turn him on, depending on his taste, or you're not as toned as he fancies, perhaps a bit flabby, or your vagina isn't tight enough for him. Sometimes people aren't physically compatible, and if you're OK with the possibility that a bloke you really like might end it with you over any of those things, it's not wrong for you to feel the same.

But this is horrible: i'm gutted because i genuinly thiught he was so nice. A man isn't less nice because his penis is too small for your tastes.

golddustwomen · 23/07/2019 13:23

I agree it does.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 23/07/2019 13:25

Surely the relevant question is how was the sex?

Echo that Blush

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 23/07/2019 13:28

It definitely matters.

It doesn't to me but hey ..... I'm not any of you. But, if it matters to you it doesn't make you shallow. We're all attracted to some qualities and not others. Attraction is a WAAAY too complex to explain emotion.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/07/2019 13:28

It seems like you looked at his penis and decided he wasn't actually good enough but had sex with him anyway. Nice.

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/07/2019 13:30

If the sex wasn’t great - because of his size or anything else - then it matters. Size would matter hugely to me. Plenty of people will be along to preach that sex isn’t the be all and end all and to call you shallow but you only have to read the many many threads on here from women saying that their OH never really set them on fire but he was a good man and they thought that was all that mattered; except now several years and DC later they don’t really want sex with him and he’s frustrated and resentful about it and their relationship is on the rocks. Good sex and finding your partner physically attractive is important. It’s what stops you becoming housemates. And yes - it would be perfectly okay for a man to be disappointed about a woman’s physical features if they didn’t turn him on.

Would also agree with the previous poster who said this may be tied up in not entirely being over your ex. Do you think this is possible the case?

Otterhound · 23/07/2019 13:30

Feck me. Imagine how you’d feel if he came home after shagging you and cried into his beer ‘but she was so lovely until i realised she had a vagina the size of the Grand Canyon and spaniels ears for boobs’

He certainly deserves better, maybe you do to.

TrueFriendsStabYouInTheFront · 23/07/2019 13:32

@SleepingStandingUp so in the middle of getting down to it, she should have said "oh no, hang on. That's too small, put it away."

Perhaps she was still hopeful he might have been good despite initially thinking it was on the small side?

MiniTheMinx · 23/07/2019 13:35

Each to their own. You are not obligated to have sex with him again.

On a personal note, if it's personal opinion you want, 6 inches is fine, anything more is painful to me. I have a preference for average. So, I guess it does matter to me.

Just make your excuses.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/07/2019 13:37

Im sure she could have thought of a different reason

Imagine a guy on here saying I met a woman, she did seem nice but then she took her bra off and her breasts were really small and it was a real turn off. I just don't think I can be with someone with such boobs. Was there so figured I'd shag her anyway but now I'm thinking of dumping her anyway.

My point was despite being disappointed thst he's not as big as her ex, she still had sex with him so it didn't bother her that much in the heat of the moment.

Obviously op needs to clarify whether the sex was awful or not, and decide whether that's down to his little penis, first sex nerves, technique or her thinking how bad he was bound to be.

She absolutely shouldn't be with someone she doesn't want to be with

BuffaloCauliflower · 23/07/2019 13:38

The best sex I had was with the smallest penis, probably barely 4inches hard, but Christ did he know what he was doing.

Original poster
IFeelSoConfused · 23/07/2019 13:43

I meant i'm gutted that the size of his manhood has overtook his lovely personality in my brain. He's really funny and we click so well!
But i just felt so disappointed when i saw it,

Could it have been nerves that might have stopped it reaching the full potential?
I'm holding onto hope here Blush

OP posts:
Veterinari · 23/07/2019 13:44

Feck me. Imagine how you’d feel if he came home after shagging you and cried into his beer ‘but she was so lovely until i realised she had a vagina the size of the Grand Canyon and spaniels ears for boobs’

This is a ludicrous comment. The OP would feel no different as she wouldn’t Know. Just like this guy doesn’t know.

Or are you suggesting that she’s obligated To have bad sex for the foreseeable future in order to demonstrate she’s not ‘shallow’?

Sometimes people are just incompatible - sexual compatibility is as important as any other aspect of compatibility and having different physical preferences does not make you shallow

Original poster
IFeelSoConfused · 23/07/2019 13:46

And i do feel attracted to him like I love kissing him, it's literally only this that's bugging me and i'm annoyed at myself.

He loves foreplay and definitely is not selfish in bed so I don't know whether i made myself think it was a disappointing experiebce because im used to bigger

OP posts:
Original poster
IFeelSoConfused · 23/07/2019 13:49

I am sure there are men out there who do have preferences for certain boob sizes and i would never want to ruin a man's esteem by stopping it midway through since it didnt "disgust" me, just felt a bit disappointed,
He's very confident in himself so i wouldnt want to knock him down

OP posts:
MrsxRocky · 23/07/2019 13:55

I've always said my husband has ruined me for other men if we ever split.
He's very well blessed shall we say and is the first man I've ever had orgasms with during penatrive sex.
So I can completely understand where you coming from.
I'm a very sexual person and I don't know if I could make a relationship work if I didn't enjoy the sex

Deadringer · 23/07/2019 14:03

If you like him that much I think you should keep seeing him, maybe his size will become less important to you in time.