My boyfriend won’t divorce his wife.

[Ace17]

I have been seeing my boyfriend now for 3 1/2 years. He has been separated from his wife now for 8 years. But for some uncertain reason he won’t divorce her and she won’t make steps to divorce him. They have no financial issues there child is 23 years old so I don’t understand why they won’t divorce. I’ve asked him on numerous occasions as to why and all he says is I will do it tomorrow. But its not happening. He can be very caring, loving and supportive. But he is a very insecure person he always needs constant recognition from women especially so is this the reason he won’t divorce. Because his wife still talks to him and makes him feel good. Any advice would be great.

Is he rich?

Unless he can give a definitive reason as to why they don't divorce I'd leave him to it and move on.

Have they definitely split up? Would it affect his pension/ mortgage if they divorced?

Do you live together? Any plans to get married or have children?

Why does he still talk to his ex when their child is 23? How often do they see each other ?

Do you and he live together ?

Might be a financial reason for this. But the longer he puts it off the worse it will be! It is expensive to get divorced.. maybe he just can't afford it right now? Have you asked him?

But he is a very insecure person he always needs constant recognition from women especially so is this the reason he won’t divorce. Because his wife still talks to him and makes him feel good.

Oh, Christ, one of those.
Cut your losses, this doesn't get better.

“Any advice would be great.”

He won’t divorce her because he doesn’t want to.

Sounds like it’s not important to him, or yes happy with the status quo. Is he anti divorce?

He doesn't want the cost of the divorce - and I don't mean lawyers fees. The whole lot, the house, pensions, investments........ is he quite wealthy? He's very unlikely to change. Question is do you want more from him?

Then tell him you are done being the ow.

Will you be happy with always being in fourth place? Because that's what you are. The line up in terms of importance is your boyfriend, his daughter, his wife, and then you.

Raise your standards and find someone else.

No he is not rich. They don’t have a mortgage as she rents her home and he lives with his friend. They talk quite often and he drinks in the pub she works at. No we don’t live together because I don’t fully trust him.

I don’t fully trust him

If you don’t trust him by now, you never will. Life
Is too short for this crap. Raise your standards and move on.

The door is that way. Push him through it or leave yourself. Either way please stop settling for scraps.

You have wasted 3 1/2 years of your life dating someone you don’t trust ????

Get a grip and end this.

Why are you with someone you don't trust and wants to stay married to his wife ?

And yes he has had the money. He also told me his friend gave him the money to divorce but he spent the money on something else. He never tells me he meets up with his wife I find that out from other people.

Why are your standards so low OP?

You really need to ask if you should stay with him?

Alarm bells would be ringing for me. They seem much too close and I think after 8 years it's a bit of a piss take of they aren't divorced or even making moves to. He doesn't want it and neither does she because they haven't moved on

LTB

Look, he has no intentions of divorcing her or he would have by now. You either carry on as you are and accept the situation or you decide to dump him and move on. But realise this, any changes will be made by you. He's perfectly happy with the way his life is.

Oh just walk. Life's far too short for this ridiculousness.