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Original poster

Does this guy seem very clingy or just attentive?? Red flag?

84 replies

LilMissRe · 20/07/2019 12:03

Hi! Hoping for some insight into a recent dating experience I had. I matched with a guy online a few weeks ago and sent a couple messages back and forth and spoke once on the phone. We arranged to meet up and he so kindly planned and organised the date for us ( he came to visit me- an hour away from his city-which meant a lot to me) The date was last night.

I should say that he's recently been out of a 20 year relationship and that I am his third date. Not sure if this is relevant but he still wears the ring his partner gave him when they first got together, albeit on the other hand, as he says it was a large part of his life.

He was very chatty throughout but his conversations were mostly about him, his ex, his previous dates and what these women had talked about, his accomplishments, his journey to finding himself after his relationship breakdown and so on. He asked a few questions to find out more about me, but they were few.

He then told me that he showed my profile to all his family and they approve. A few other things popped up during his monologue that I hope I'm overthinking but want to check with you

-He would love to take me on holiday
-He'd be happy if I wanted more kids or not
-He's happy to stop seeing other people
-He said he keeps checking out my bum when I walk ahead of him
-He kept asking to hold my hands/touch/kiss
-He said he'd hope for me to introduce him to my son
-He kept saying how much he liked me
-He was so happy we have so much in common
-He said he couldn't believe his luck

I came home to 13 messages, from him on WhatsApp- repeating the same compliments and saying how he was the happiest he felt in a long time, he was proud to be seen out with me, he'd love to see me again, he doesn't want to lose the chance of seeing me again and that if I had any concerns about seeing him or dating him, to promise to let him know.

I've been on quite a few dates, none of which were planned and organised like this- they're usually a quick coffee and rejection/ghosting from the guy ha ha ha!

I never had this kind of attention from anyone I dated before and obviously its lovely to hear someone thinks you're nice but I'm a little concerned that he's coming on too strong and that this may be a red flag?

Is he clingy, insecure, attentive or just new to dating??

Am I overthinking and analysing this?

OP posts:
anascrecca · 20/07/2019 12:05

It's all too much. You are having doubts -listen to your instincts.

YouJustDoYou · 20/07/2019 12:09

The wanting to meet your son part after just one day is a massive NOPE from me. Let alone all those other red flags. So much of what he said is love bombing.

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 20/07/2019 12:12

Sounds like way too much to me, and you sound very unsure. Personally, it’d be a polite ‘thank you, but after some though I’ve realised we are not suited. Take care’ and then block and delete on everything.

Thingsdogetbetter · 20/07/2019 12:14

Fucken hell, that's not attentive or clingy. That's nuts!! Leg it.

He's already planning the wedding in his head and probably what you'll wear too. He hardly knows you. That's not rational. It sounds like he already decided you are 'the one' before meeting you - possibly before even reading your profile. He's so desperate for another relationship that I'd be freaking out.

Thingsdogetbetter · 20/07/2019 12:17

And not being interested in you and asking about you and your life shows he doesn't see you as a person, just as a generic girlfriend to fill whatever void in his life he's desperate to fill.

corlan · 20/07/2019 12:19

Run! Run like the wind!

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 20/07/2019 12:30

Yes! Thingsdogetbetter has it spot on. You fill the criteria (of course you do, you’re awesome!) but he wasn’t actually getting to know you.

PicsInRed · 20/07/2019 12:35

Lovebombing and fast forward.

He's not looking for a relationship. He's just looking for a woman to slot into that empty 20-year-marriage space.

HollowTalk · 20/07/2019 12:37

He sounds unhinged. Thank god he's an hour away.

Feckers2018 · 20/07/2019 12:50

Maintain your boundaries and see where it takes you for a few more dates and then make an informed decision. Thats what I would do.

Senoritaforever · 20/07/2019 12:56

How boring talking about his ex and other women all night. I wouldn’t like all the over the top compliments either. That would put me off and I wouldn’t see him again.

VixenSixen · 20/07/2019 14:00

🚨⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️🚨

I would run a mile, so much of what he said is massively over the top for a first date. Run for the hills.......

Anyone who mentioned meeting my son first date I wouldnt Even entertain it sounds completely unhinged.

Nanny0gg · 20/07/2019 14:05

Ewwww.

Ohyesiam · 20/07/2019 14:10

He sounds like he is properly psycho.
Run now.

Moondancer73 · 20/07/2019 14:15

He sounds nuts. Run, lock the doors and don't have any more contact with him!

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 20/07/2019 14:15

He sounds like a nutcase, get rid now or you'll be getting a restraining order on him in a few months time.

Bananalanacake · 20/07/2019 14:19

Say to him you want to take it slowly, if he is genuine he will understand.

NabooThatsWho · 20/07/2019 14:22

O God! Block and delete!

He spent the first date (when he should be on his best behaviour) droning on a monologue about him, his exes, what he wants, how you fulfil his requirements 🙄 He doesnt even know you! And clearly has no interest in you as a person in your own right.

Block and delete! He sounds absolutely awful. I repeat, block and delete!

christinarossetti19 · 20/07/2019 14:23

He's not really 'out of a 20 year relationship' at all. He just wants to meet someone who will slot into his life and avoid him having to deal with the painful and difficult feelings and practicalities of it ending.

Unless you want that to me you, a polite 'it was nice to meet you, but I don't want to take it any further' will suffice.

Then block him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/07/2019 14:25

He has more red flags about him than a Communist Party Committee Meeting. You entangle yourself further at all with this man at your emotional peril so dump him with immediate effect. You owe this person nothing at all and certainly not a relationship.

Read Dr Joe Carver's article entitled "The Loser" www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

This man you've been seeing is in that description.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/07/2019 14:27

FFS, run for your life. He's a love-bombing, unhinged level 5 clinger. Block immediately.

AsleepAllDay · 20/07/2019 14:27

Clingy

pictish · 20/07/2019 14:34

So...he dominated the conversation talking about himself and his life...yet he’s never felt so happy in a long time and wants to go on holiday with you? As what? A captive audience?

He knows nothing about you and much less cares...it’s about what you represent...A. Girlfriend. Like A. Car.

Sack that. Don’t see him again.

funnylittlefloozie · 20/07/2019 14:39

He sounds very odd indeed. Its rude to bang on about yourself and not ask the other person about themselves. Its nice (and looks keen) to send a message straight after the date to say you had a good time and would love to see the other person again - but its bizarre to send 13 messages!

SonataDentata · 20/07/2019 14:46

I agree that he’s love-bombing and fast-forwarding you. He doesn’t even know you and is hardly bothering to find out. Run!