My husband has admitted to cheating on me with sex workers

[BestUseADifferentName]

I found out yesterday when he accidentally sent me a message he meant to send to one. He tried to pass it off as the first time bullshit and make me feel sorry for him with how he's been feeling and mental health stuff. I got him to show me his bank statements this morning and now he's admitted he's been seeing them for three years. We are splitting up. I'm a stay at home mum with a puppy so I'm pretty fucked.

He's gone out to walk the dog.

DD is going to wake up soon. She is 7. I don't know how to be okay.

I've read these threads on here for years. Now it's my turn to LTB.

We are supposed to be going on holiday on Friday. I will have to go on my own with DD and she will be really upset.

I'm so sorry.

So sorry to hear that, you must be reeling from the shock. What an awful thing for him to have done and you’re right to split.

At least you are married so have protection due to that. Time to get your ducks in a row. Thinking of you.

I don't know how common this is but I have a friend who's husband does this regularly and I had never guessed( nor has she ) . It's pretty grim isn't it .. I wish you well .

Thank you all.

I am veering wildly from crying to feeling very together and almost glad.

It's so fucking grim. And then he's been coming home and pretending everything is normal and spending time with us. Holidays. Everything we've done together is tainted.

I've messaged my sister and told her. She's probably not awake yet.

At least he can look after the dog while DD and I go away so I won't have to worry about that on top of everything.

Glad it's over, not that he cheated on me.

So sorry to hear that you are married to this creep.

You are quite right you need to LTB. You will get lots of support here but you will also need some face to face support in "real life".

You may find it helpful to use more accurate language. "Sex work" isn't just another category of work like cleaning work or admin work. What he has been doing is paying money (family money?) to vulnerable women (or more likely to the exploitative pimps controlling them) in order to coerce a 'consent' from them that they would never, ever give if they were genuinely free. It is simply impossible to do this without him first dehumanising the woman in question in his brain. Such a level of misogyny is nausea-inducing and is a very unhealthy influence on your DD - not that I am suggesting that there's any danger to her directly but that level of disregard for the humanity of womankind will seep out sooner or later in other ways.

You are 100 % doing the right thing going on holiday with your DD . If you give in to that then it would make things harder in the long run . Start as you mean to go on! And telling your sister is great, she can support you and he has less chance of talking you round. You are very brave well done .

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s such an sickening betrayal. Be kind to yourself op. I hope your sister can help support you. Do you have a friend you can confide in ?

OP please forgive my lack of kindness , of course it's a horrible thing to go through. The way some men treat women never ceases to amaze me.
Having gone through similar myself I found the practicalities of every day life helped me move forward.

I'm so sorry
Glad you've told your sister, hope you can see her this weekend.
I'm sorry to say it but you need a full sexual health check-up ASAP.

I'm so so sorry. Some people are just dreadful.

You sound very strong and together. You can get through this. It'll get worse before it gets better and he'll probably try and do a number on you emotionally. Stay strong.

Oh OP I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how it must feel to have your world suddenly get turned upside down like this. You're 100% doing the right thing. What an arse for trying to make YOU feel sorry for HIM! I'm so glad you saw through it. I hope you have plenty of support from family and friends.

I think the 'glad' comment you said is telling, perhaps he is a crap 'D' P in other ways too OP? If so, think of this as your lucky ticket to break free of him, don't think about happier times at the moment as they will just weaken and hurt you at the moment, you can give your self time to grieve later, right now hang in tight to the anger and change your life for the better for you and DD

Hate to add another worry but, if you’ve not considered it yet, make sure you get an STI check asap.

If he’s been paying for sex for that long then he’s unlikely to have stuck to condoms.

I watched some of the recent Channel 4 shows and the one on teenage prostitutes was mind boggling. One of the women was booking back to back 30 min slots where almost all of the men were paying extra not to use a condom.

One of them said he “fancied treating himself” - treating himself, the prostitute and any of his probably unwitting partners to a higher risk of life-long complications.

What a betrayal. You’ve made the right decision to end the marriage, instead of trying to change him, because that would be a waste of your time.

Sorry to say this but you should go to a sexual health clinic and get checked out.

Sorry x posted

The message he sent me accidentally said 'do you kiss on the mouth and do oral without' so obviously cut off and he meant to say without a condom.

The age of them isnt something I'd even thought about. Its sickening.

I will definitely get a check.

I’m glad you’ve texted your sister. You need real life support as well as the great support you’ll get in here.

What do you want to happen today? It might be a good idea for him to go somewhere else today. You need time and side to process what you’ve found out.

His mum is on holiday so DD and I are going to stay with my sister (which DD will love with her cousins) until she gets back.

I'm so sorry, what an awful thing to do to you
You are reacting how so many of us would; you're a strong & wonderful woman. There are many hand-holds here for you!

Would you consider taking someone else on holiday in his place - I'm thinking of your sister or another adult family member, or even an older child. You could turn this holiday into one that is memorable for DD for good reasons.

That said, DSis may be better off staying at home & checking on your house, puppy etc for you. Does she have keys, alarm code?

What a truly shitty situation to find yourself in. Best of luck getting through it

What a pig he is. I’m so sorry OP. You sound like you’ve really got it together though, kudos to you. Stay strong.

So sorry OP...... how horrible. Absolutely time to get out. Good job for being decisive. Wishing you all the best of luck.