I'm posting here because I'm not sure what to do in real life.
My OH had an affair about 18m ago with a work colleague. In the aftermath of me finding out, he transferred to a different branch of his work , coincidentally she also moved abroad, so that's def over. We had counselling, he was remorseful, yadda yadda. Things have mostly been ok since.
I've been paranoid about another work colleague for a while. He works with many women, but I guess it's the little things that have alerted me. The mentionitis. He also once said to me how proud he was of her: she had started out as as a junior and worked her way up to management at a relatively young age. The comment rankled at the time but I couldn't place why, until I read a MN thread about another husband overly invested in a female work colleague's achievements, and someone insightful pointed out something along the lines of "but they're never that interested in Keith from accounts, are they?" and I realised it rankled because he is only ~interested~ proud because she's young, female, and attractive.
Fortunately for me, she got promoted again and so moved to another branch. Great, I thought - no reason for them to mingle.
Today we were driving to the airport to go on holiday and his phone rang. He has his hands free automatically connected to his car so the caller shows up on the media screen. Phone rings, we both see her name on the screen, he rejects the call (not entirely unusual when the kids are in the car, as they're noisy). A moment passes, and he says "that's the second time she's called me, I hope nothing is up" (as in work issues).
This evening I've snooped at his phone and seen the following WhatsApp exchange:
Him : all ok?
Her : yes, just calling to say have fun on your holiday and be careful!! X (It's an activity holiday)
Him : thanks. Meet up for a coffee and catch up when I'm back x
Am I wrong to think this might be heading somewhere beyond professional relations?
My gut is saying this is just a flirtation, bordering on inappropriate friendship, with a potential to grow in to another affair. I might be being paranoid because of history, but his modus operandi is definitely attractive young junior colleague who fawns over him.
If he does it again, we will be finished. I'd like to nip it in the bud before it reaches that stage.
How do I proceed? Tell him I've snooped and he better wind his dick in before things go too far? He might deny and act the victim and then just hide things better. Or do I visit her branch and tell her to back off? Downside is I'll look crazy (justified tbh) and embarrass him professionally. Or do I do nothing and stew... or something else?
What would you do?
In anticipation of all the LTB comments: our kids have SEN and wouldn't be right at this stage for them to have us separate. My goal.is to keep us as this ~somewhat~ happy family unit for as long as possible for them.