DH & sulking over sex

[MissHemsworth]

Hello,

Just a bit of advice needed really. DH & I have been together 15 years, married for 9 of those. He's always had quite a high sex drive. He will quite often stare (provocatively) at my boobs/grope me/wake me up for sex in the night even though I have told him I don't like these things. Cuddles etc always lead to sex etc.

His response will be to sulk (he's recently not spoken to me for over a week because I got back from seeing family at 1am on a Sunday & had to be up again at 5 so was too tired to have sex).

He also says things like 'well I can't help it if I really fancy you' and 'it's your fault for being so sexy'. Basically by saying that he's implying (I think) that I should be so grateful that he finds me attractive (he has said & done other things that as well).

It's almost like he feels like he should be rewarded because he finds me attractive. My question is would this bother you? If so what would your response be?

Also, so not to drip feed, other than us having two primary aged DC, both working FT & him being away a lot we have quite a healthy sex life.

Aside from this we have little communication between us (he's incredibly difficult to have a conversation with), but will help around the house if asked. I have posted previously about other issues we have had in the relationship. Any advice appreciated.

I know his character because have been there. Sex pests & narcissists don’t get far on this forum! Too many of us have been burnt by these unsavoury types. Another member here has gone through the wringer with her sulking husband & like you needed support to see her feelings are valid! Sulkers use silent treatment to control you & regain their power imbalance.

Please know if you don’t feel like sex or sexual contact at any time that is 100% ok & you should not feel guilt or shame for not feeling sexual at that moment.

OP you poor thing. You must feel violated by him. In my experience the sulking bullying behaviour around sex kills and sexy thoughts. It turns sex into a chore or an obligation and that’s totally wrong. It will or has already destroyed your self esteem.
You are not his sex toy, his property. Your body is your own. Knowing myself I’d leave over this, without a doubt. You need to read all the good advice here. If he doesn’t start respecting your right to say no, and stop molesting you at every opportunity you need to get away from him. Your posts about his behaviour are a bit triggering for me. He’s vile, I hope you make the right choices and put yourself first. You deserve nothing less

You can’t talk to him? That’s sad. Can’t be much of a relationship if you can’t talk?

And he sounds like a controlling, abusive sex pest. Yuk.

He's always been like that @theunrivalledjoysofparenting what's a relationship if you can't even have a basic conversation with someone? @RevealTheLegend & @MrsTerryPratchett I'm not sure about the friends tbh. I've tried talking to them about him but it ends up with them defending him!

This killed my marriage after almost 20 years. The total lack of respect for my choices. I need my sleep as I'm partially disabled and work full time. I don't need to be mither ed all night because I'm tired and don't want sex. Since my marriage ended everyone says why did you stay with that loser for so long. I feel my body is my own now not for someone else to use.

I feel like my eyes are being opened to the lack of respect @madcatladyforever

Oh here we go, sulk #3 of the week so far (not over sex this time) FFS

Oh let the manchild sulk! seriously think of a plan to leave him. You only get one life.

What a twonk! Pisses me right off being woken up for sex - answers always no!

Update: we've just had a massive row & surprise surprise he bought up how little we have sex which is a joke (twice at the weekend isn't enough?!)

What are you going to do though OP? His endless sulking and rowing about his feeling entitled to your body whenever he feels like it must be so wearing.

OP, please consider leaving him.

My stbxh behaved this way about sex. He even complained to my dm about it at one point, that I didn't like it enough and it caused problems between us. (sick!!)

Turns out I actually like sex quite a lot, just not with him.....

Op I could have written your post as he sounds very similar to my stbxh. This is his issue and he will not change. It has almost destroyed me but I have just got out. The relief of not having him grab me daily or demand/sulk to get sex is enormous. You don’t have to put up with this.

Another way to look at it. Even a sex worker who has sex for a living has a schedule and appointments system. Clients can't just barge in, start mauling and demanding sex there and then. They also refuse to service arsy clients.

Give the boy a dummy & tell him to grow the fuck up. Hardly surprising you turn him down, manchild with no boundaries is about as unattractive as it gets 🤢

What are you going to do OP?

The groping wouldn't bother me,dh is a groper BUT he doesn't sulk if I refuse sex or wake me up in the night (I'd go ape,I love my sleep) he is out of order treating you like this

Agreed that groping is not an issue, we grope each other all the time, but that is not the problem here. Twice a week when both of you are working and you have two small dc is pretty good going and he has absolutely no right to complain or demand more. If he isn't satisfied he can have a w*nk.

The groping is an issue because she’s told him she doesn’t like it and he keeps doing it. What you do consensually in your relationship is irrelevant.

Please, please consider leaving him, op. Your feelings are completely justified, he’s doing an awful thing and your friends are bad friends for defending him. No is no. If you refused sex for a year, no is still no, him pressuring you, continuing to wake you up, groping you, sulking, etc. would never be justified.

Put it another way. What if this was the other way around. What if he said to you he didn’t want sex, didn’t want to be groped, didn't want to be woken up, would you act as he is?

Megg is right, Groping IS an issue when the OP has already said she doesn't like it. Whether you are okay with it or not, has no baring on this. No means no & if this tosspot of a DP can't respect that, then he is sexually harassing her, end of

Groping is horrible, who wants to be constantly in anticipation of being groped when moving about - going upstairs, doing something with back to him, filling washing machine - and his hands come out. I'd feel as though my body was not my own, it would make me neurotic.

I’m not going to lie, twice at the weekend wouldn’t be enough for me so can see why it’s not enough for him.

But it’s not okay to make you feel bad and guilted because your not in the mood. You shouldn’t feel pressured... he’s got a hand if he’s so frustrated 🙄

Agreed that groping is not an issue, we grope each other all the time

Groping IS a fucking issue when the op has said she doesn't like it!! FFS.

I’m not going to lie, twice at the weekend wouldn’t be enough for me so can see why it’s not enough for him.

With two primary aged children?

'I’m not going to lie, twice at the weekend wouldn’t be enough for me so can see why it’s not enough for him'

Can I just add that he's away with work a lot during the week so sex usually falls to the weekend.