ExH telling me boyfriend can’t stay over!

[toobusytothink]

Husband and I amicably split up a year ago. Both of us are now seeing other people. On very good terms. I am in the old family home until we put it on the market next year and he has bought somewhere else. This was agreed - I would prefer to sell now but we decided it would provide bit of stability for kids. We have 2 kids 13 and 12 who live with me except for one day a week.

He has just messaged me to tell me that he doesn’t want my bf staying over when our kids are with him! WTF! Am trying to remain calm but can’t think of an appropriate reply ... I mean I understand him not wanting him to stay when I have the kids, but not sure he can even do that, but really? When they are with him? He’s asked if I can stay at my boyfriend’s place instead...

A polite “Fuck off you idiot” should suffice

'Fuck off' should do it.

He’s being a knob. Tell him to get fucked. What the Hell is his reasoning?

Haa x post.

A - 😂 - should suffice.

'I don't get a veto on your guests, you don't on mine'

Haha that would be appropriate. I don’t tell him his gf can’t stay at his! Told him I’m not agreeing with that 🤷‍♀️

Your new relationship is absolutely none of his business unless it’s having an effect on the kids, which it isn’t?

Tell him to jog on

In fact, it’s totally your call whether boyfriend stays over when your kids are there too. You decide when you think the time is right for that, not him.

Have you issued a similar ban on him sleeping with his girlfriend in his home?

No idea what his reasoning is? Because it’s the “family house” I’m guessing

Reponse:

"Tell it to the Judge".

He'd get laughed out of family court. The rollicking, marauding fool that he is.

Just don't tell him when your boyfriend stays. It's nothing to him and he has no reason to need to know. Nor can he tell you not to have your boyfriend to stay. What an idiot. I'd you said the same to him about his girlfriend would he agree?!

Sorry, cross posts!

Fortunately you no longer after to worry about what he wants unless it is about the kids.

He can see his gf whenever he likes - she doesn’t have kids even so much fewer restrictions. I’m happy he has a gf and would never tell him he can’t have her to stay!

And yes I may want to introduce him to the kids at some point soonish as it’s been 7 months so worried he’s really going to kick off about that!

He shouldn’t be telling you how to run a relationship.

In terms of the house, it was inferred he still owns part of it. But you said “we agreed” that you would continue to live there for the children. I suppose he could have a say in who you invite into a home he still owns jointly with you. However he agreed it would be your home. In that case he should allow you to have full autonomy on who you invite there.

My advice would be that you don’t discuss who you are inviting to stay with him or your children when they are away. None of them need to know the ins and outs of your sex life.

Sell the house now and make a clean break to avoid this problem in the future. I think he is being territorial about the house rather than you but it’s still unreasonable of him.

Otherwise agree some better boundaries for the sake of being amicable

Does he have a partner at all?
Has he slept with anybody in his house since you have split?

But I wouldn't even respond.
Just do what you want, where you want and he can get to fuck.

Some men really do think they are god and can dictate to Ex's!
WTF? - ignore him

I would wait a bit longer with the boyfriend - more for the kids than the ex.

He does not get a say in who visits you. And frankly (unless he has spy cameras in the house), how will he know? I would answer with the girlfriend veto answer and refuse to go into detail about your lovelife.

Be like Sabrina

Damn! Had a cute GIF for you.... no idea what happened, sorry!!!

If you have been seeing the guy 7 months and would like to introduce him to your kids now, go for it. You will have as good a sense by now as you ever will that the guy isn’t a paedophile/abuser (some people find this stuff out after years of marriage, after all - we never 100% know anybody else). And yes, you may split up and the kids might be upset - but this is equally likely to happen if you have been seeing him for 5 years, to be honest. You know your kids and your boyfriend - do what seems best to you......

I say this from the perspective of someone who introduced her daughter to her boyfriend crazily soon, by Mumsnet standards - but then he had been my friend for 20 years, so had met her anyway, plus I felt I knew most things there was to know about him by then. My ex husband kicked off massively - said we could take her on holiday “over his dead body” etc etc etc. A year down the line and it’s all perfectly fine and amicable - nobody cares!

Have the DC met his girlfriend?
He shouldn't be kicking off about anything.
It's your life now and you can live it however you like.
Stop worrying about what will happen with the Ex.
He's shown he still expects you to obey him.
Fuck that!

Oh, and my ex still lives in the house we jointly own (finances not sorted yet, despite our divorce). And do i feel I have the moral, let alone legal, right to control what he does in that house? Do I fuck.