ExH telling me boyfriend can’t stay over!

[toobusytothink]

Husband and I amicably split up a year ago. Both of us are now seeing other people. On very good terms. I am in the old family home until we put it on the market next year and he has bought somewhere else. This was agreed - I would prefer to sell now but we decided it would provide bit of stability for kids. We have 2 kids 13 and 12 who live with me except for one day a week.

He has just messaged me to tell me that he doesn’t want my bf staying over when our kids are with him! WTF! Am trying to remain calm but can’t think of an appropriate reply ... I mean I understand him not wanting him to stay when I have the kids, but not sure he can even do that, but really? When they are with him? He’s asked if I can stay at my boyfriend’s place instead...

When did she say he was divorcing her for adultery?! She started seeing the new boyfriend after they split!!

It's still adultery if they are married.... I thought it was usually recommend to wait 2 years or try to use unreasonable behaviour.

They're bloody separated! Are you telling me that everyone who splits from their husband/wife waits until their decree absolute comes through before they start seeing anyone else, even if that takes years?! I've heard it all now.....

So did you cheat on him? I am confused as to how you could use Adultery if you separated before both meeting someone new ?

Adultery can be used as the basis for a divorce petition whether you and your spouse are still living together or have separated. Not more than six months must have elapsed since you became aware of the adultery before the petition is sent to the court, unless the adultery is continuing.

See the definition in UK law above. Separation has nothing to do with adultery. It's not the same as cheating.

@pog100 ok I see your point but it would be a very bitter and twisted ex who divorced for adultery if there was no cheating. My ex definitely had relationships before our divorce came through but it wouldn't have occurred to me to call him out for adultery.

@Cambionome Of course not. I was comparing the house.

I was just making the point that a new man in what was his old house could also be emotionally triggering rather than reduced down to simply him beating his chest over “his territory”.

Do I believe that justifies his response? No.

Personally I would ignore and not engage in any discussion about this. He is trying to control you, so take back control and ignore him.

You are both actually committing adultery.
Upon seeing solicitor several months after my ex had left for another woman she informed me that as I was now seeing someone else I was also now committing adultery.

I don't think there's any question that both are committing adultery. The question is which is the most efficient and cheapest way to get a divorce before 2 years, for the OP. If the PP is correct about costs being awarded against the "at fault" party, going for a divorce on the basis of one's own adultery may not be the best idea.

@pog100 You can't divorce on the grounds of your own adultery!

He would have to divorce her for her adultery or vice versa. Which if the respondent accepted doesn't have to be proven.

Much easier to use unreasonable behaviour though.

He's a bellend. Divorce his arse, sell the house and get on with your life.

No I wasn't suggesting that she could instigate the divorce on the grounds of her own adultery but she did earlier seem to be suggesting that she had invited him to proceed or she would start presumably on his adultery. Either way advice about costs would be advisable before she files.

I'd not bother with the whole adulterous thing, it's difficult to prove and just drags out the time it takes and costs. Just use unreasonable behaviour and be truthful. Unreasonable just has to be unreasonable to you. It could be that he picked his ties whilst watching tv

Your doing the right thing get the ball rolling divorce wise . Wouldn't bother with the adultery thing if you've live apart for 12 months they were on about changing the rules and you can just go for a no fault breakdown .
TBH don't really think it was about BF overnight he's paying for 2 houses and just pissed off and used that as a cheap shot to get back at you .
You said he's paying the majority of the cost so will still see it as his .

Its extremely rare for anyone to contest a divorce petition, isn't it?

So although technically you might have to prove adultery same as unreasonable behaviour that only happens if the other person contests the petition which takes them straight to court and potential huge costs, my ex threatened to petition first and my solicitors advise at the time was that of he did I'd have to suck it up. I got on first because I wanted to petition for adultery which he agreed to subject to me paying the court costs, around £550 well spent, I know no-one else cares etc. but him officially admitting it was important to me.

Personally, I wanted my ex off the mortgage and a clean break asap, so I could take control and plan my finance, I know not everyone is in a position to do that.

Have been away for the W/e (with bf) and just come back to load of new messages. Thank you all. I spoke to him and I told him we needed to get finances sorted ASAP and he agreed that he would rather I use adultery rather than unreasonable behaviour (I told him it could make hard reading). He has until tonight to confirm then I will file tomorrow if he agrees. I just want clean split now and want everything legally binding so he can’t start playing silly buggers in a year’s time if me and bf are more serious.

He didn’t introduce gf at the W/e after all!

Tippletopple I really appreciate hearing an alternative view. I am sympathetic to him a bit but feel I have been very respectful throughout it all