Do I have any right to be mad /jealous?

[reddysteadygo]

Started seeing him in may.
At the time there was another girl interested in him (one of his friends girlfriends friend)
Anyway due to me being on holiday for two weeks I haven't seen him for two weeks.
Assuming he would want to see me this weekend.
He text me saying he might be going to the races on Saturday and the girl who fancies him will be there.
I'm mad.
I know we aren't official but surely if he liked me enough he would rather see me?
Not put himself in a position with someone who clearly likes him.

Even if he is just saying it to gauge how interested you are who can be arsed with the game playing?

This far in you're supposed to feel excited special, have butterflies and smile when you think of him, not be testing each other (trying to get him to choose you over his friends) and feel insecure and jealous.

Fuck that, hes told you exactly who he is, you didn't listen, now he's showing you who he is and you're still agonising over whether he likes you or not.

Cut your losses and move on.

Oh, and the endless messaging while you were away? To make sure you were still focussed on HIM.

I'm 28

I have a male friend who used to do this and it was to do with his low self esteem and had nothing to do with the girl he was dating at the time (who is actually his wife now) he got a two second buzz off any girl who paid him the slightest bit of attention and then to feel another buzz he would tell his now wife and if she got a bit arsey with him he got validation that he wasn’t a failure and worthy of nothing and if she didn’t react he’d say something about another girl until he got that buzz.

A few of the gf’s wives in the friendship group pointed out to him that this was not good behaviour for him or his now wife or even the girls he would string along, he did eventually stop doing it.

Not saying this guy is doing it but it could be a possibility.

Couple of months in - dump.

You are 28, you are at your peak.

Don’t waste time with immature dickheads.

He is insecure and needs to play games. Surely you'd rather be with a confident man?

You sound younger. As someone said below, you are in your prime. Be a confident woman who knows her worth, and don't contact him. He is playing you.

Tbh i didn't even think he was playing me and trying to make me jealous till everyone on here said.
I had a feeling he could possibly be doing it to get a reaction but didn't know if I was just being paranoid.

He's an insecure twat!! Read up on triangulation.

He has low self esteem so is trying to stir up jealousy to compensate for this by proving to himself that women will fight over him. Don't play that game, you will only get burned.

Sooner or later he'll be putting you down too to big himself up. He is incapable of supporting you emotionally and will always be jealous of any success you have. Trust me, guys like this are all about themselves.

He will destroy any shred of self esteem you have but do it so insidiously you wont even notice until it's too late.

Please don't waste time on idiots like this. I've been there, done that and they never get better, only worse.

He probably does like you.

But not as much as he likes himself and wants to feel better about himself.

You are not his priority and your feelings are not his priority, which says all you need him to say.

Please don't allow this man to affect your self esteem. Hes already done enough damage. I think you need to realise that you are one helluva lot better than him and that you deserve better than this.

Op in younger than you and would not put up with that nonsense he’s immature for a man over thirty

he's a crazy maker. a player.

ooh girls fancy him, a married woman fancies him. how shallow and pointless he sounds. I bet the person who fancies him the most is himself.

if he wanted to spend time with you he would. when its right its just easy, there's none of this bollocks. leg it.

I'm very aware that my DP is a total hottie and he goes out with friends pretty much weekly. I am under no illusions that he gets hit on, but he's only ever once told me about it (and that was just because it was a really funny story). Similarly, on the rare occasion that someone shows interest in me I don't go running to him to tell him all about it - it's just not necessary. If you feel secure and comfortable with how it's going with someone, there's absolutely no need to make them feel insecure.

With the races, I would be disappointed that I wasn't going to see him but I'd understand that he has plans with his friends. He very easily could have told you who is going...but this whole, "oh she's still after me" nonsense is ridiculous and arrogant. She may have moved on since May (and similarly may have realised he's a bit of a twat) and he knows absolutely nothing about what she's thinking (unless he's been stringing her along, too). A decent person would tell you who's going then reassure you that there's nothing going on there, not use it as a way to boost their ego while denting yours.

He sounds extremely immature. That could stem from being insecure himself, but really at his age he needs to grow up and get over himself. He thinks he's so attractive because all these women get jealous about him, but actually his behaviour is utterly unattractive and probably the reason he's single. I'd be walking away from this one, and telling him exactly why.

All I'm looking for is someone who is happy to have me and just me and not need to do all of this

What I tell my dd is that relationships aren’t supposed to be hard work, and you are supposed to be happier in it than you would be out of it.

Sounds like a (poor) defence mechanism to me... you’ve been on holiday for 2 weeks and he’s probably been wondering what you’ve been up to, seeing as you’ve only been dating a short time... that’ll be why he’s saying all this stuff to make you jealous, he wants you to say “please don’t go to the races” else why would he a) bring up the fact she is going b) say she’s still trying to get him c) tell you about a married (someone who is normally unavailable) woman being all over him.... he’s attention seeking and he wants you to make a move since you’ve returned from your hols.... it’s all very immature, but sounds like he’s insecure too!

It's really up to you what you do you haven't been seeing him that long, i agree that if he hadn't seen you for 2 week's he should be wanting to spend time with you, i wouldn't be the one to txt him first though, i was seeing an EXB for 8 month's we only seen one another at weekend's because he worked away during the week, on a Thursday before i was due to see him on the Friday evening he phoned to say he was going to Belfast for 3 day''s with his brother, as it was a public holiday on the Monday i was looking forward to that extra day together, he chose to spend it with his brother, i told him to have a good time and not to contact me when he got back, he got the message when i didn't reply to his txt messages.

Don't play his games. And also, if you find yourself regularly questioning your jealousy etc, seek some help for it. I don't mean that harshly, but dating is a melting shitpot sometimes and if your esteem is going to be battered from it, getting some confidence skills will help.

Do you not even think he likes me?

The only person he likes is himself. Everyone else is utility.

You'll never meet nice one if you're stuck in quicksand trying to figure out this headbanger. There are literally billions of men in the world. Drop the dud and take your pick of the billions of bog average ones.

You will. It takes time...

But get annoyed/angry when people try to mess you around like this. It makes it far easier to cut them off and start the search again.

Establish some rules, a bit like Bridget Jones's 'no commitment phobics, workaholics, alcoholics, peeping Tom's' etc.

For me it was:
Anything that made me feel uncomfortable Anything they said that was a bit off Messing me around on messaging
Mentioning exes
Generally not showing an interest
Failure to commit
Failure to follow through with simple plans
Misogyny
Sexism
Racism
Bragging
Jealousy
Corny one liners
Gut instinct
Manipulative behaviour
Unsolicited dick pics

I'm sure theres a few others but once I established that these were no go areas, it was pretty easy to cut through the shit. I found my OH eventually we have a DS now.

There is hope, I promise. Just work on yourself and be happy with yourself for a bit. Be confident that you are deserving and worth effort. Truly believe it. It will happen.

Triangulation.

He likes you very much OP, he likes your fuel. All of the above tests to ensure you've got the right stuff.

It's working too as you're already questioning yourself, looks etc. That's precisely what he wants.

NC recommended

If I had been invited somewhere I really wanted to go to then I would still do that, even if I hadn't seen my boyfriend for a couple of weeks, on the basis that I could see my boyfriend a other day and spending time with friends/keeping up hobbies and interests are important.

I might also tell him if there was going to he a other man there who I knew liked me on the off chance he found out at a later date and felt I was keeping it from him. I'd probably also try and make light of it.

I'm not a player or a crazy maker but I'm also not joined at the hip to anyone else and like to do my own thing and make my own choices.

I wouldn't appreciate someone trying to make me choose between the two. I dont agree that if someone is interested they should put you above everyone and everything else.

However, it does suggest that this will be a recurring issue - I, for example, fully intend to prioritise myself at times in a relationship and couldn't be with someone who sees that as a reflection on my feelings for them.

His comments about enjoying women being jealous and telling you that someone else was all over him put this into a completely different category for me.

I'm afraid I agree with the others and you should end this.

Omg, block, block, block.

Any man who thinks it is cool to make a woman jealous is a wrong un. He needs to grow the fuck up

Op you said in an earlier message you thought you looked ok - that is all you need to know - love yourself and kick the stupid immature twat to the kerb.

All I'm looking for is someone who is happy to have me and just me and not need to do all of this

Exactly.
Keep looking.

Dump. He's messing with your head. Who needs it?