DSIL has invited DM and DS1 to go stay with her for a couple of days in the holidays - but not DS2.
DS1 is 10, DS2 is 6.
I asked if they'd consider taking both DC, or if they'd have DS2 another time as he'd feel terribly left out. But DSIL and DM don't want to have both of them, DSIL said she'd suggested it as she thought it'd be fun for our DM to have just DS1 and both of them wouldn't be so fun as DM finds it hard and DSIL is at work.
DSIL works 4 days a week, and her DH is a teacher. I don't understand why they wouldn't just invite them on a weekend?
I asked if they'd considered that DS2 would feel left out, and they both said - well your Gran took you abroad twice without your sister. This was when I was 12 and 17, hardly the same. (Is my sister resentful of this now?! I had no idea!) Also my GPs on both sides regularly had me and my DSIS for holidays. It's wasn't a one off like this is.
My mum rarely helps with the DC. She says it's because she's getting too old, and there is a bit of truth in that. But the underlying issue IMO is she's just not very patient with DC and has never really instinctively good with DC. When I was little, we had nannies and au pairs, she was career focused and found us hard work.
DM is the same age as DMIL. DMIL is less mobile than DM, but loves having the DC, so they go visit her for a week or 10 days at a time. It's more an attitude thing than a mobility thing IMO.
I understand I won't change DM's ways, she's not going to suddenly start liking spending time with DC. But surely my able-bodied DSIS with the help of her teacher DH, and DM, could manage 2 kids between them?
What's galling also, is I'm having a terrible time. DH and I seem to be on the verge of splitting up, I'm struggling financially, emotionally and trying to fix the house up so we can move. DH is unwell most of the time. I could really do with some child free time. I told both my DM and DSIL at Christmas that things were really bad. DSIL hasn't mentioned it since, not once. She's not interested in supporting me emotionally. Fair enough.
But also, 2 years ago she announced, out of the blue, that she wanted to be more helpeful as an aunty. I suspect this is because she's seen how hands-on her DH is with his nephews and sees that other families are a bit more involved and supportive than ours. But that's only amounted to her taking each DS once, on their own, for a day out. And helping me empty a garage. In 2 years. I don't complain, but I am baffled - surely this is a chance to help, if that's what she wants?
I'm not sure how to deal with this? I want to say - sod off, you don't get to play happy families with DS1 while ignoring DS2. She did offer to have DS2 at autumn half term when I pushed the point. But I don't know if that fits with our plans. And really, I'd dearly love some help so I can try to sort out some of the chaos at home.
But OTH if I don't let DS1 go, then he's missing out isn't he?
Should I just accept the morsels on offer gratefully? Or try to get them to understand that this isn't how most families treat each other and I could really do with some help right now. I don't ever ask for help with the DC, I don't expect anything, but now they've brought this up I want to put my foot down and say no, I think you're treating us badly here.