If the man you were dating said this would you walk away?

[goggleboxing]

I’ll try to keep this as brief as poss. Have been dating a guy for a few weeks and we went out for dinner last night which was lovely until he dropped into the conversation that he had found out his ex girlfriend (they split up 2 years ago) had just got engaged to someone else and it had ‘floored him.’ He said he will always regret losing her and finding out that she’d met someone else and moved on was difficult for him to process. He even said that she will always be the one who got away.

I kind of sat there with my mouth open while he rabbited on about how he felt lucky he was dating me as if I wasn’t on the scene he probably would have taken the news much harder. He then said the break up had left him with all sorts of issues that he was trying to sort out but he was finding it hard.

I came away from that dinner feeling very flat. I mean, we’ve all been through tough break ups, but saying that on a date is a bit off, no? Or maybe I’m overreacting here?

Well, he's made it easy for you really

Clearly, you are the Rebound Girl. Second choice. If she crooked her finger he would right up that drainpipe.

You know what to do.

'He even said that she will always be the one who got away.'
He's a sad tactless man who needs a therapist not a girlfriend.

This happened to me once when I was dating - he started telling me about his ex and how she got married recently and he wondered if they were still together would they have got married by now.

I was knocking back the jack daniels & coke after this 😆

Safe to say I never saw him again after that 😆

You’re not over reacting - that’s awkward as fuck

Tell him that you're also going to be the one that got away. Today.

It's one thing to feel it. It's quite another to say it to your new girlfriend.

I mean, fine to say it upset him, that’s just natural. But all the rest, I would see that as very disrespectful - what are you, a fucking booby prize?

Not overreacting. Move on. He's not over her and he's just killing time with you. Don't be anyone's consolation prize.

What a plonker.

Swerve

He may have thought he was over her until he heard about the engagement - and he realized he wasn't.
I would just kindly break it off with him. I wouldn't be mean about it. He may be confused as well, but he's not date-able right now.

She's moved on, he clearly hasn't got there yet.

I wouldn't have wanted to hear what he said, but he was honest. I'm presuming she dumped him and this news is confirmation he will never have her. It will hopefully help him move on.

Perhaps he wasn't as over her as much as he thought and this news confirmed it.

What do you want to do, op?

That’s what friends are for. Not new partners.

Noooooooooooope!

Ditch. Bye bye! Still in love with his ex!

When my ex got with someone else I was happy for him. Both us had moved on.

Your date clearly has not.

Ugh. How annoying for you, OP.
That would be a curtain call for me.
Who wants to willingly sign on the dotted line as The Rebound?

Best case scenario: the news about his ex has made him realise he isn't ready to date anyone yet.

Worst case scenario: he is subtly (or not so subtly) testing your self esteem/boundaries. Are they weak enough that you will tolerate him saying this, and even work harder to "prove" your worth and win his love from his ex?

Either way, this isn't a relationship you want to be in.

He even said that she will always be the one who got away
Nope, run.
Normal people wouldn't say that to someone they are newly dating.

It sounds like something a narc would say to set you up for always being second best. OR just something a jerk would use to hint that he isn't looking for anything serious with you.

Blowing hot and cold and mood swings* are also huge red flags. You've only known him a few weeks. Cut your lossess, this isn't going to get any better. Don't make excuses for any of it, it isn't normal.

Protect yourself and RUN!

Thank you, I know you’re all right about him and that I need to leave this one well alone. He did say that he had treated her badly but was still surprised when she left him for good - he said he couldn’t get his head round the fact he couldn’t get her back as he had done on previous occasions.

I feel very deflated about dating at the moment. I seem to have hit a bad run of meeting men who are still hung up on their exes. The one before this one openly told me on our second date that he hates his ex (she left him for another man) and the vitriol he was spewing about her was quite disturbing (he said he hoped she was hit by a bus ) I ended that date pretty sharpish and never saw him again.

There was another first date with someone else who slagged his ex to the ground, telling me all about her personal problems and how he was wary about dating again as he only attracted ‘crazy’ women. Needless to say I didn’t see him again either.

I just feel like maybe it’s something about me that attracts these men or maybe I’m just having an unlucky streak (met them all online).

Sorry for offloading, I know I need to dust myself off and start again but it’s exhausting

I'd end it personally. You'll never be his number one and it's best to cut loose before you get too invested.

I just saw your update.

He did say that he had treated her badly but was still surprised when she left him for good - he said he couldn’t get his head round the fact he couldn’t get her back as he had done on previous occasions

Wasn't this a red flag for you?

He knew he was treating her badly and thought she'd always put up with it.

Tbh his treatment of her would be more concerning than the fact he said she'll always be the one who got away.

You don't treat someone you love or like badly...but he did continuously and would have carried on doing so.

His behaviour is something all women need to learn from... he was never going to treat her right.

I'm pleased she's found a better man, than him.

It's not you. It's them.

Be the second one who got away.

Ditch and run

He did say that he had treated her badly but was still surprised when she left him for good - he said he couldn’t get his head round the fact he couldn’t get her back as he had done on previous occasions

Oh my god what a prince. Jesus.

Wow, I've just seen your update.

So it wasn't a tragic example of a simple 'it's not you - it's me' and her heading off into the twilight...he actually admitted that he'd treated this 'one that got away' badly? And expected her to keep coming back???

Good on her for getting away. And to you for seeing the scarlet bunting.

I’d not see him again. He’s not over his ex.. and he’s not interested in you in the way you want him to be

Ditch him, move on. Online dating is just a numbers game, you’ve been unlucky recently, that’s all. It’s not you, it’s them. Keep at it, there’s some lovely men out there.