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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cheating.

321 replies

Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 09:39

Ok, so I need help! I have no friends to talk to about this and it’s driving me crazy.

I suspect my fiance of 4 years is cheating on me. Again. We live together and have done for 3 years.

All the signs are there. I just can’t prove a thing and even if I did he would deny it. 2 years ago 2 desperate women found me on Facebook to tell me they were messaging and had slept with him. He denied both and still does to this day. I forgave him and moved on. Idiot I know!!! All was well until about 6 month ago.....

He keeps his phone on him constantly. Even if he wants to show me something on it he will screenshot it and message it me. He leaves the room to talk on it. It’s always on silent. Not enough to warrant a worry I know but here’s the rest..... when I ask to spend time together he’s always too busy. Too tired. But can go on his xbox all the time. Can make time to go meet his friends. He’s also stopped making any kind of effort with me not just with sex but cuddles, hugs, etc.

I was casually on BT site querying a bill and his mobile is on it. So I thought I’d check why the bill was so high in case he was ordering stuff. There’s a number that he’s ringing every day on his way home from work, on his way to work and throughout the day. It’s also being texted at times when I’m either still asleep in the morning or have gone to bed at night. Alarm bells right!?? Am I being paranoid? I haven’t spoken to him for three days because I don’t know how to feel. If I say something, he will deny it point blank. Also he has a knack of turning things around on me whenever I say I’m unhappy with something. So I just don’t. I can’t afford to leave him or kick him out right now. I feel so trapped with all this info, these feelings and what to do!!!

OP posts:
Lawnmowingsucks · 12/07/2019 16:24

Sending you love and strength Thanks

Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 16:33

The children have gone till tomorrow, the door is locked, I’m sat with a glass of wine and I’m getting ready for ignoring the door. She wants him so bad let him kip there.

OP posts:
crankyassnoperope · 12/07/2019 16:33

Massive unmumsnetty hugs OP

letsdolunch321 · 12/07/2019 16:41

Hugs to you

Take it all an hour at a time, glad you have found some concentrate evidence.

Teaandchocolatecake · 12/07/2019 16:43

You’re being so strong. He’s an arsehole and whilst it may hurt now you will ultimately be happier without him.

Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 16:48

Oh I will be. It hurts like hell. My whole future has been ripped from me or the sake of sex. He isn’t even that good 🤷‍♀️ love and trust mean more to me than sex anyday but sadly some people can’t see that. I’ll get there, one day at a time but tonight - im ignoring everything.

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 12/07/2019 16:48

Michelle, I am so sorry that you are going through this pain.

You have absolutely done the right thing by refusing to tolerate his betrayal. Don’t allow him to deflect any blame to you. This is all on him. He chose to lie and cheat.

You deserve a loving, supportive partner who cherishes you.

Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 16:51

I do. Now it’s just me and the kids can the world! Fuck partners, I’ll start that shit again in ten years time. I’m working on me for a change ❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:
crankyassnoperope · 12/07/2019 16:51

Mate, right there with you. Some people go through life with such shallow priorities, I think that's why so many of us get suckered into thinking we can change them - we feel sorry for them for not seeing what they could have had - and we want them to have the happiness that comes with it. But the truth is so many people live and die that way, living a life where a quick shag means more than a whole family and future. More fool them. You can't change them. You just have to let them go before they ruin your life along with their own. Idiots.

Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 16:58

Exactly. I tried with him but failed. What I did gain though was confidence. Also learning what a loyal, loving person I actually am. I may act petty these next weeks, I may act immature but I’m hurting. End of the day I’ve made the most naturist decision I can and that’s to break free ❤️

OP posts:
Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 16:59

Omg maturest 😂😂 not maturest!! I ain’t walking about starkers no matter how confident I feel. Actually....I have a free house tonight! May let the boobs be free whilst watching Netflix 😂😂😂😂 is it rather warm!!

OP posts:
crankyassnoperope · 12/07/2019 17:02

Be free boobies, BE FREE!!

Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 17:03

Free the boobs 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻😂😂 chatting here is actually helping. I’m not alone with my thoughts so I really thank you absolute random strangers who are really lovely, for this 😍

OP posts:
ofwolfandman · 12/07/2019 17:14

What sort of things were being said on her photos/posts?! 😖 So glad you're being strong enough to kick him out.

Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 17:20

The usual 🙄 things he wouldn’t say on mine basically. Things that scream alarm bells. Yeah she’s slim I’ll give her that but she’s everything he slags off CONSTANTLY and has told me not to look like. Appears people, I have been played like a fiddle. 😂 he took his bag and left. He knows. He knows I know. He is a clever man. Sly, but clever. I’m now stuck with a bloody chameleon of his and a vivarium that takes up half the living room space 🙄🙄😂😂

OP posts:
ofwolfandman · 12/07/2019 17:22

What the fuuuuuck? Did he not even try knocking on the door?!?!

granadagirl · 12/07/2019 17:23

Just read 7 pages,
You’ve done the right thing 100%
You’ve got your dignity and self esteem

How did you find her? Have I missed that bit?

Don’t get too rat arsed, or you might back tracking and think you did wrong
You haven’t 👍👍

Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 17:23

No mate 🙄 that means he knows that I know. I know him.

OP posts:
Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 17:25

Ahhh I confided in my little sister. She’s tech savvy. She did some digging and found her number linked to snapchat, Facebook then loads of comments and likes from him etc. The comments were, well, not what you would put if you had a fiancée at home looking after the kids and loving you. Prick. Total bellend.

OP posts:
Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 17:27

No not getting drunk, just needed to calm down. I’m thinking rationally. For now. I can’t promise how I will act over the next few weeks because I’m hurting. But at this moment in time, I’m stepping back, I’m collecting my thoughts and I’m not acting on impulse because it won’t get me anywhere. Ok slapping him would help for about ten minutes but then what? I’ve the kids to think of, a home to sort, pets to looks after and bills to pay. I come last in them and that’s fine

OP posts:
ofwolfandman · 12/07/2019 17:32

I think I'm in shock for you.

You've definitely done the right thing by blocking his number, but that would drive me insane not knowing if he'd tried to contact 😱

Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 17:35

I know him. He has too much pride to contact and he will honestly be telling himself he has done nothing wrong. He will sleep in a car park in the car tonight then text me the sob story about it all tomorrow. Saying how he knows about my mental health, knows I can be triggered blah blah blah......no. He knows he’s done wrong and he knows if ive even got a whiff of evidence that this was his last chance. Tempted to take block off just to see. Logging into BT in a min and I guarantee there will be phone calls to her!!! 😂😂

OP posts:
Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 17:36

It’s at times like this I wish I just had friends to ring up and talk to. No product of being BPD I guess, push people away then whinge when you don’t have anyone lol!

OP posts:
Michellepebbles86 · 12/07/2019 17:36

Bi product *

OP posts:
usersouthcoast · 12/07/2019 17:41

Just caught up. Well done!!! You've done amazingly well!