Cheating.

[Michellepebbles86]

Ok, so I need help! I have no friends to talk to about this and it’s driving me crazy.

I suspect my fiance of 4 years is cheating on me. Again. We live together and have done for 3 years.

All the signs are there. I just can’t prove a thing and even if I did he would deny it. 2 years ago 2 desperate women found me on Facebook to tell me they were messaging and had slept with him. He denied both and still does to this day. I forgave him and moved on. Idiot I know!!! All was well until about 6 month ago.....

He keeps his phone on him constantly. Even if he wants to show me something on it he will screenshot it and message it me. He leaves the room to talk on it. It’s always on silent. Not enough to warrant a worry I know but here’s the rest..... when I ask to spend time together he’s always too busy. Too tired. But can go on his xbox all the time. Can make time to go meet his friends. He’s also stopped making any kind of effort with me not just with sex but cuddles, hugs, etc.

I was casually on BT site querying a bill and his mobile is on it. So I thought I’d check why the bill was so high in case he was ordering stuff. There’s a number that he’s ringing every day on his way home from work, on his way to work and throughout the day. It’s also being texted at times when I’m either still asleep in the morning or have gone to bed at night. Alarm bells right!?? Am I being paranoid? I haven’t spoken to him for three days because I don’t know how to feel. If I say something, he will deny it point blank. Also he has a knack of turning things around on me whenever I say I’m unhappy with something. So I just don’t. I can’t afford to leave him or kick him out right now. I feel so trapped with all this info, these feelings and what to do!!!

@Michellepebbles86 you're doing so well. Just in the last couple of hours you've started to move your life forward. And your children's lives too. Well done 👍

I can’t take the money, it’s his wages. He has no where to go. I’m hurt but I’m not a bad person. That would make me as bad as him and I can’t do that, it’s not in my nature. I’m getting myself a bottle of wine in a bit,I’m sleeping on the sofa and going to chill. Tomorrow I’m taking my daughter out for the day to get away. Sadly I don’t drive but the walk will help I guess and keep me occupied. I might get the balls to ring that number, I might not. I’d rather be single than this but I have to go around it the right way as to not let the kids see anything. I’m going to get a bath, do my make up and hair and put something nice on.

Good for you OP.

Yep, I'd withdraw what was in the bank. Keep what you need for the kids and spend his fag money. The selfish fucker.

He's sounding worse with every single update OP. You deserve much better than being held hostage in your own home until September just because he's a fully paid up arsehole!

It wasn't in my nature, I kicked my ex out an hour after I found out he was having an affair followed by his stuff.

No way was I stupid enough to let him stay.

Find out what you'll be entitled to when he's gone and take most of the money out to stock up the cupboards!

I think you know what to do. I know you 'think' you need proof, but you honestly don't

Letsdolunch how is calling her stupid helping?

Good for you but OP will do things her way to minimise effect on her kids

Sorry cross post. He is supposed to be your family. Putting yourself first after how he's betrayed you would not make you a bad person! But I'm glad to hear of your plans with your daughter. Your kids will be your strength

Hang in there OP.

I don't think she's stupid to let him stay. She's just trying to make a sensible plan for when she can make the next step and kick him out without it affecting the family too much money wise. At the end of the day, if he is cheating or not, You deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship where you feel valued and respected so you have reason enough to get rid. You deserve better x

Proper ugly cried in the shower. Like really ugly. I’m strong on my own, I always have been. I’m just not strong at confrontation due to my disorder. It makes things a little harder to deal with. Hence why I’m not going to flip out. I need to ask myself what would I advise someone else to do if kids were involved. I love my children too much to see them go through what I am because this will affect all of us. He can fuck off of he thinks I’m making his tea though. Or cleaning. I’ve got a date with the sofa, a bottle of wine and stranger things. Which I’m going to carry on watching without him. So there. I’m trying to joke about this because I’m going to break down if I don’t. The last time this happened I was sectioned because I had a nervous breakdown and I don’t need to repeat that.

I think you are absolutely amazing.

Crusty lets turn it round to the OP stating she is not a horrible person ............

I am not a horrible person either but I WILL not be taken as a mug.

It was not directed as you have taken it. Maybe YOU should be aiming to all the persons who have told the op to leave!!!!

No, you don't need to repeat that. You DO NOT need to repeat that. No-one is going to put you back into a dark place, this is not going to be what does that, I can tell that from how you're posting and you need to believe it too. He has had the power to fuck you over in a relationship - it can happen to literally any one of us - but he does not have the power to do that to you. Don't think he has, he hasn't. He's not that special. No-one is.

So he's still doing this known how you struggle mentally?

This is exactly the same as my last relationship. The longer you stay, the more you'll suffer for it. I was sectioned last year too so I can completely empathise with you right now.

I'm so angry for you.

I won’t be taken for a mug. I know what’s going on therefore the wool won’t be pulled over my eyes any longer. It may be daft letting him stay but I need to look after my mental health aswell as my children. A big fight and him leaving without saying goodbye would hurt them more. I have the upper hand now. I have a plan and I know what I want and what I certainly don’t. Let him think he’s getting away with it, he’s broken my heart so him carrying on can’t do any more damage that way. Happiness is the best karma and when the time is right, I’ll show him I don’t need him, his money or his whores

You sound strong enough to handle this. You absolutely don't need him. Go about it however you feel you need to.

I know you're angry but this woman probably doesn't even know about you. This is all on him

Oh, she will know. It’s a small town and all his work know about me. Last time it was opposite ends of the country but this time it’s different. Believe me, she will know who I am,

Michelle- apologies if I upset you in anyway, it wasn't intended.

You clearly are a beautiful/kind hearted soul thinking of your kids.

Are you on medication for your condition? If you are not maybe a talk to your doctor may help at this time. I am not suggesting you go on meds, sometimes doctors can be helpful in giving you advise.

As I said I have previously been in your place, please pm me if I can be of any assistance. Karma will clearly wipe his arse once he is found out

Crying is good.
It helps to get it out.
I cried tonnes when I split with my ExH.
Cry when want but stay strong in front of the kids.
Don't let this drive you towards a breakdown.
No man is worth that.
You are stronger than you think.

No, no meds. I’m diagnosed bipolar and BPD but I stopped them a while ago due to side effects so I manage with meditation and just by knowing my triggers.

I need to eat. I feel so sick but know I need to calm myself down. I won’t be messaging him, that just opens it up to arguments. I will however be ringing that number. I’m so worried it’s all going to be harmless now and I’ve made a fool of myself. See - I can’t even make my mind up how I’m feeling.

So, what does a non-foolish person do when they find out their fiance, who is being a total an utter knob to her and has a history of cheating, makes regular daily SECRET phone calls to the same number the second she isn't around? They do this. This is what they do.

I had no idea you could be unmedicated for Bipolar. I know there are two types and different severities. Please don't rule out not using meds if you feel you need to. Situations like this can be severely triggering.

I will keep you all updated. I’m going to get ready and eat something. I need time to think. Thankyou all though, really. It’s helped. It’s appreciated xxx

I’m not supposed to be Un medicated but it’s a personal choice. The meds made me sleep all day and be sick - I wasn’t functioning as a mother. The kids come first and I just hide the ugly crying, the mania and the down parts. Sounds odd but it works for me. Sure, it could be working better but I’ll cross that bridge at another time.