Cheating.

[Michellepebbles86]

Ok, so I need help! I have no friends to talk to about this and it’s driving me crazy.

I suspect my fiance of 4 years is cheating on me. Again. We live together and have done for 3 years.

All the signs are there. I just can’t prove a thing and even if I did he would deny it. 2 years ago 2 desperate women found me on Facebook to tell me they were messaging and had slept with him. He denied both and still does to this day. I forgave him and moved on. Idiot I know!!! All was well until about 6 month ago.....

He keeps his phone on him constantly. Even if he wants to show me something on it he will screenshot it and message it me. He leaves the room to talk on it. It’s always on silent. Not enough to warrant a worry I know but here’s the rest..... when I ask to spend time together he’s always too busy. Too tired. But can go on his xbox all the time. Can make time to go meet his friends. He’s also stopped making any kind of effort with me not just with sex but cuddles, hugs, etc.

I was casually on BT site querying a bill and his mobile is on it. So I thought I’d check why the bill was so high in case he was ordering stuff. There’s a number that he’s ringing every day on his way home from work, on his way to work and throughout the day. It’s also being texted at times when I’m either still asleep in the morning or have gone to bed at night. Alarm bells right!?? Am I being paranoid? I haven’t spoken to him for three days because I don’t know how to feel. If I say something, he will deny it point blank. Also he has a knack of turning things around on me whenever I say I’m unhappy with something. So I just don’t. I can’t afford to leave him or kick him out right now. I feel so trapped with all this info, these feelings and what to do!!!

[crankyassnoperope]

Did you try simply googling the phone number? Long shot, but you never know. How much did he take out yesterday? Any pattern of him taking out money? Similar amounts for example?

[crustycrab]

Do you think he was on a training day? His sat nav might tell you otherwise if you can nip out in his car and check the history on there.

I wouldn't do anything hasty in your position. Let him pay the bills while you get this training out of the way. Can you do some extra work in the evenings to save up a bit in the meantime?

Bar work is pretty easy to come by.

[crankyassnoperope]

Second phone? Money? Sex workers??

Probably projecting here but honestly if you'd seen what I've seen you'd think anything was possible. I'll admit that doesn't make a lot of sense with the multiple long-ish calls to one number though. At least it's not what i'd expect.

[crustycrab]

No sex worker has time for long chats 3 times a day plus messaging!

[usersouthcoast]

Yes!!! Sat nav and check his car

[crankyassnoperope]

Also, you can definitely ride this out til September if that's what you need to do. You'll have to give yourself an escape in your own mind though, start planning, start finding things to look forward to, find things to be excited about in a life where you don't have to feel this way.

[crustycrab]

And find my iPhone or similar. Google maps?

[crankyassnoperope]

No crusty I shouldn't have thought that made sense.

[Michellepebbles86]

I have kids and no one to help so more work is out of the question sadly. My 16yo has to have my youngest whilst I’m in training over the summer. I haven’t found a thing. We have no satnav either. I’ve got a dead end with this now. I have the number but not the balls to ring it. I’m going to listen out for him on his phone tonight and check the call list online to see if the pattern is there. He only took £30 but when we basically live off nothing that’s a hell of a lot of money for a work training day then you get your lunch bought for you and can’t drink at after because he’s driving.

[usersouthcoast]

One of us text her.
"Hi Hun, (you tell us what he might call her), it's me. Dropped my phone down the toilet so using this temporarily. Hope you are having a good day xxx"

And just wait

[crustycrab]

Oh I wouldn't go with the text! Gives too much time to think and the likelybreply would be who is this? Or ring me. Then what?!

[usersouthcoast]

Yeah true. ^

[crustycrab]

But I would ring it. Just withhold number and don't speak, or pretend to be from ppi claims and launch into a questionnaire starting with asking her name

[usersouthcoast]

I wonder if she doesn't even know. She might think he's single, therefore may welcome a direct call from OP

[Michellepebbles86]

I need to work out how to make it so my phone number doesn’t come up and I just want to hear if it’s a woman’s voice and how old. I’m still thinking it could be family, he has kids but doesn’t really speak to them. But if it was his kids why hide it? My head is all over the place. It’s his break time - I’m checking the BT

[usersouthcoast]

Or ring it and be a recruiter from Indeed

[usersouthcoast]

Surely that's just dialling 141077....

[crustycrab]

True. But he could leave and then what about the bills? I wouldn't let him know I know at all. Just make plans to kick him out on his arse by changing the locks come September.

It's very possible the OW doesn't know. It sounds like the previous two didn't

[Michellepebbles86]

I thought that only worked with landlines?

[ofwolfandman]

I texted the girl once, managed to borrow his phone because my grandad called it. I snuck off to the toilet and locked myself in. She texted him as I was on his phone, so I started replied as him to see what info I could get. He'd deleted the whole convo before he handed the phone over to me to use. Stupid man.

[Michellepebbles86]

Neither of them had a clue. He was telling them he was visiting his kids when he came to mine. Apparently.

[crustycrab]

Have you got an iPhone? Settings/phone/show my caller ID. Toggle it to off. Check it's worked by "accidentally" dialling your teens phone or landline

[usersouthcoast]

Yeah, I bet you this one doesn't know either

[Michellepebbles86]

Brilliant thanks I’m going to try that

[letsdolunch321]

Calm down, definite pointers show he is having an affair.

You previously mentioned getting a wedding organised - how was this suppose to be funded ?????

You DO NOT have to put up with his shit - You go onto the computer and look into benefits calculator.

You will get help with rent.

Council tax - you may not have to pay this being a single parent.

You will get other benefits to cover food, electric, gas bills

Food banks are helpful if you need help.

Kindly pack him a bag, when he comes home later tell him there is no dinner, fuck off to your whores house for dinner and take your shit with you

take the £70.00 from the bank, make sure you and kids eat.

Monday go to the council, tell them what has happened - you will get help.