20 year Age gap

[Emsie11]

Hi all I’ve recently met a guy who’s lovely and treats me so well but can a 20 year age gap work?

[Wherearemymarbles]

Lool at it like this. My partner and i are both 50. Its not unreasonable to hope for 25 more good years together.
You can hope for 15. And then in your 50’s hsve 10 years of caring. I assume you dont want kids which would be insane!
I think some people are happy and it works but I suspect they are the minority.

[LifeImplosionImminent]

My neighbour was married to a man 20 years her senior. They loved each other deeply but she was heartbroken when the inevitible happened and she lived years more, miserable...that seemed happier in my head before I typed it out...

[Grobagsforever]

Men age very young, their perspectives narrow and they become quite dull way before women. Also you'd be a young widow.


You can do better

[Grobagsforever]

Just seen he's 60 and you're 40. I'm 38, to me 60 is unthinkable (for dating), men our age already on the turn..

[themmatricc]

alex salmond is married to someone 17 years older than him

[PicsInRed]

Alex Salmond is 17 years older than himself.

[themmatricc]

My neighbour was married to a man 20 years her senior. They loved each other deeply but she was heartbroken when the inevitible happened and she lived years more, miserable...that seemed happier in my head before I typed it out...
people die i know someone who died in her 30s leaving a husband the same age

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

It worked for DH and I. He was 22 years older than me and we were together for 20 years.

[thatsnotmycateither]

No one else's circumstances apply to you. Men don't all become old and awful at 60. We have a big gap. I'm in my 40s and he's in his 70s. He's still running, working, still has the same 'young' views.

He'll get old. He'll get dementia if he's anything like his parents. But I love him and care for him for who he is. I don't see him as a practical asset in life. He's someone I love. I find it really disturbing when people talk about their partners getting sick as a thing to you off. Of course it's awful but when you love someone as an individual, it's different than a hypothetical question.

[tunnocksreturns2019]

I am a young widow. My DH died aged 37 - he was a year younger than me.

I’ve just decided against a relationship with someone 10 years older largely because of the age gap. I’ve done/am doing SO much looking after between DH and the kids, and now my parents. I don’t have it in me to do it again for another partner. I’m shattered!

So I’d say no, go find someone who is 35 and send him for a full body scan 😂

[JamesBlonde1]

Have your previous relationships had such a large age gap? This isn't your first relationship is it?!

[Grobagsforever]

Same here @tunnocksreturns2019 I was widowed age 33, DH was 35. It's incredibly to naive to say the pain of young widowhood will be worth the relationship. I'm glad others don't understand our pain but I wish they'd listen to us.


Yes ppl can die at any age. But why stack the odds against yourself? The old guy isn't your soulmate OP - there are plenty of same age soul mates out there!

[tryingtobebetterallthetime]

My husband is 13 years older than me. We have been together over 30 years. He is a very fit person who takes good care of himself. He is actually fitter than me! I do worry about losing him but in reality, we all lose partners at some point, and I have been very happy with him for all these years. It is of course not ideal, but if it is the right person, the age difference is far from insurmountable. I love my husband very much and would not have traded him for anyone.

[tryingtobebetterallthetime]

Mind you, when we met I was in my 20s and he was still (barely) in his thirties. That gave us lots of time together.

[Pinkarsedfly]

The usual sexist and ageist comments on this topic, I see.

There are some despicable posts on this thread.

[Birdie6]

At 40 and 60 I'd say go for it. It's unlikely that children would come into the picture so just enjoy yourself .

[JoannaCuppa]

Go for it. DP is 22 years older than me. He is 65, I am 43. Best relationship that either of us has ever had. Yes, I will likely lose him young, but at least I will be well enough to care for him, rather than us both being old at the same time and my DD picking up the care of us both.

[JoannaCuppa]

Men age very young, their perspectives narrow and they become quite dull way before women. Also you'd be a young widow

You can do better

That is a bloody horrible comment. People of the same sex do not share one "hive" personality, you know.

Those of us with older partners already know whether our menfolk will be boring buggers when they are older.......as they already ARE older. We aren't the ones taking a gamble!

[TheStuffedPenguin]

40 and 60 ? No I wouldn't do it . You are giving up your youth and yes it is youth ....

[tinyvulture]

My boyfriend and I are similar ages to you and this potential guy. It’s a great relationship so far - we are very compatible! It helps that we are on the same page re kids (I.e. already got some, don’t want any more).

[isitsummeryet1]

I'm 34, my husband is 57. Together 9 years. I had kids, he didn't want kids, worked out fine. We have discussed the age difference as he gets older, and we have already noticed how hard he finds holidays with the kids when they're constantly on the go. He gets tired whereas I'm running around like a mad woman. But, it works for us.

[Craftycorvid]

Loved the comment about Alex Salmond

So, 20 years between me and DH (he’s older). So, at the start I was obviously very conscious we wouldn’t be sharing old age and I may become a carer. That said, nothing is ever set in stone (except things made of stone). I didn’t want children and he has had his children, so that wasn’t an issue. What is difficult now (we’ve been together 22 years) is being at different life stages: he’s retired and I’m still grafting. It means it’s difficult to reconcile our needs at times. However, all relationships will hit challenges regardless of ages involved.

[Overtiredbackagain]

My DH is 15 years younger than me (45 and 30). Together six years, have DD(4) together and we are very happy. I was concerned about the gap when we first got together, but he is much more mature than my exDH who was 5 years older than myself. DH is a great dad and stepdad to my eldest two DC and we have a good relationship.

[GidgetGirl]

Similar (slightly larger) age gap between my 60 year old DP and I, and it works wonderfully. It helps that neither of us wants kids of course. He’s very fit and youthful, and I can’t really imagining him ever wanting to retire (although he should at some point). So, I’d say go for it if you like him.

There can be some extremely negative comments about younger woman/older man relationships on MN (read into that what you will), so brace yourself. In my experience no one gives a shite in real life.

[Aroundtheworldandback]

Large age gap between my parents and my mum is now my dads carer. Please think ahead. It’s just too much- don’t do it.