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Original poster

What's he doing?

81 replies

postinganon · 10/07/2019 00:28

I'm in my mid to late 20's and out of a long term relationship, and like most people began a sort of "friend with benefits" relationship with a guy in my building. He's in his late 30's and recently single himself.

The reason I say "sort of" is because he knows I like him a lot. I told him this when I was quite drunk, but at the time he was in a relationship and said he did like me too but we couldn't act on it.

He knows I'm not on any contraception and we only started having sex recently, so it's not an ongoing thing, and also not a relationship because we don't go out. We just stay home, smoke, watch movies.

This may be TMI, but our method of contraception is withdrawal. Very dumb and playing with fire I know! But the last time I saw him, which was recently, he finished inside me and didn't care or seem shocked. I asked him if he did and he said yes.

Is he trying to get me pregnant or does he just not care?

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 10/07/2019 00:33

He just doesn’t care. And if you do get pregnant that’s the last you’ll see if him.

Musti · 10/07/2019 00:38

It doesn't matter what he thinks, but it wouldn't be a good idea for you to get pregnant with a man you're not in a committed relationship with! Withdrawal is russian roulette!

CatAndHisKit · 10/07/2019 00:44

why would he try that?? did he ever mention that he is desperate for a child? because that would be the only reason he'd do it with a FWB without even talking to her about it!

No, he knows you are so keen that you would revolve around his 'preferences'.

Original poster
postinganon · 10/07/2019 00:55

No, we've never spoken about kids or anything too deep. But we are starting to spend more time with each other.

OP posts:
rvby · 10/07/2019 00:56

Oh dear.

Yeah it feels better not to pull out. That's all.

I'm sure he doesn't give a fuck if you get pregnant and is probably confident he could force you to abort if it did happen.

You do come across as enthralled by him so he may be right.

It may be time to stop letting random men who dont even care about you deposit their sperm in you. I'm all for casual sex but this is a whole other ball game. You're not helping yourself by letting him do this kind of thing to you.

readitandwept · 10/07/2019 00:59

Get tested for STI's, buy condoms, and stop taking stupid risks with your health and life in general.

Iwasatglastothisyear · 10/07/2019 01:04

Why have you titled this "what's he doing" ?

Maybe you should ask yourself the question - what are you doing?

FuriousVexation · 10/07/2019 01:07

Why the fuck would you do that?

I mean obviously he just doesn't give a shit and wants to get his high arse a-banging.

But you - you're banging an idiot, and potentially about to conceive a child to said idiot. Really? This is what you'd want for your parenting partner?

If you don't get on with hormonal contraception then get the diaphragm or the copper coil or just bloody go to Home Bargains, I got a pack of 12 Mates Naturals in there recently for £2.

Rachelover40 · 10/07/2019 01:08

If you don't go out, you don't have a public relationship which means he doesn't want people to know. I doubt he wants to make you pregnant, he just lost control. However, even when he pulls out in time he'll be leaking beforehand.

If you continue with this unreliable method of birth control and don't like condoms, why on earth don't you get some spermicidal pessaries, gel, sponge or diaphragm ? People have been using them forever and avoiding pregnancy. It would be a disaster if you conceived a child with this man.

Supergirlthesecond · 10/07/2019 01:09

@postinganon Are you alright, Anon?

Frownette · 10/07/2019 01:10

He's not trying to get you pregnant, he just doesn't care.

Start trying to protect yourself because he won't

avamiah · 10/07/2019 01:11

Iwasatglastothisyear,
Yes totally agree with you .
OP what were you thinking ?
I hope you have taken the morning after pill or do you want baby ?

avamiah · 10/07/2019 01:12

Want a baby with this guy ?

BitOfFun · 10/07/2019 01:12

What are you playing at? I don't think I've ever read anything as obviously stupid as this on MN in a long time.

Iwasatglastothisyear · 10/07/2019 01:14

Do you have kids already?
If so, quit the weed, get a grip and start taking some responsibility.
If you don't have kids already, just do the same thing anyway.

OldAndWornOut · 10/07/2019 01:17

He doesn't care, and if you get pregnant he still won't care, because he'll just move on when it suits him.

VenusTiger · 10/07/2019 01:17

So where’s your responsibility for yourself gone? Can’t you buy condoms? Good grief!

Graphista · 10/07/2019 01:18

Jesus!

How old are you?!

Never mind pregnancy what about sti's? Have you never heard of hpv? Hepatitis? HIV?

The pair of you need to grow the Fuck up and use condoms!

avamiah · 10/07/2019 01:19

I just don’t get it ??
Why would you let some random guy basically cum inside you ?
Never mind pregnancy what about STD ‘s and AIDS ?
People always think that it will never happen to them until it happens .

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/07/2019 01:21

What's he doing?

WTF are YOU doing? Buy some condoms and stop allowing him to treat you like this.

avamiah · 10/07/2019 01:27

Let’s just hope she got lucky this time and isn’t pregnant or has a STD.

Chocmallows · 10/07/2019 01:28

What part of this do you think is normal respectful behaviour to you?

LauderSyme · 10/07/2019 01:38

Oh OP you are letting yourself be used. He's just getting his leg over and doesn't care about the consequences because it won't be him facing them, and he doesn't care enough about you to make sure you don't have to face them either. You need to sort out some contraception if you want to keep having sex with him, unless being a single parent is your dream.

MsPavlichenko · 10/07/2019 02:01

It's not a type of contraception. If you son't want to be pregnant you need to use a reliable method. Also consider a barrier method simply to protect from STDs.

He is clearly a chancer and user so best advice is to dump him.

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/07/2019 02:13

Do you know why you’re doing this OP?

On the face of it it comes across as a bit self destructive to risk getting pregnant with someone you don’t have a solid relationship with but have feelings for. Like you’re trying to see how much drama and hurt you can create in your life. He seems almost as bad in the general sense (except he isn’t risking quite as much for himself as you seem to be) and particularly bad to have not withdrawn. His lack of concern about doing that gives you a good indication about how little responsibility he would feel for any pregnancy. What would you do if you got pregnant?

Why aren’t you using condoms? Have you thought about STDs? If either of you are sleeping with others (which a friends with benefits set up suggests to me) or if either of you haven’t been tested since your last partner you really ought to be using condoms at least.

He sounds a bit of a user, but you can’t change that. You can, however, take a look at yourself and think about what you deserve and how you ought to treat yourself. You’re worth far more than this. If you like the sex withhim, that’s fine (though think about what it’s doing to you emotionally if your feelings are’t reciprocated) but have the respect for yourself and possible babies to use decent contraceptives and barriers so you don’t “accidentally” get pregnant or pick something up.

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