What's he doing?

[postinganon]

I'm in my mid to late 20's and out of a long term relationship, and like most people began a sort of "friend with benefits" relationship with a guy in my building. He's in his late 30's and recently single himself.

The reason I say "sort of" is because he knows I like him a lot. I told him this when I was quite drunk, but at the time he was in a relationship and said he did like me too but we couldn't act on it.

He knows I'm not on any contraception and we only started having sex recently, so it's not an ongoing thing, and also not a relationship because we don't go out. We just stay home, smoke, watch movies.

This may be TMI, but our method of contraception is withdrawal. Very dumb and playing with fire I know! But the last time I saw him, which was recently, he finished inside me and didn't care or seem shocked. I asked him if he did and he said yes.

Is he trying to get me pregnant or does he just not care?

Maybe he does want to get OP pregnant, if he doesn't work he could be thinking of tax credits and child benefit to improve his lifestyle.

The question is definitely what are YOU doing? The whole post is stinky.

And 'most' people don't have friends with benefits?!?!

You sound a bit as though you are on the rebound, OP. Are you trying to teach your ex a lesson? Because nothing about this is 'normal' or 'what people do', who told you that it was?

This man is using you. You're a place to sit and watch TV with a guaranteed shag. And he can absolutely sense your desperation and attraction to him. But that attraction will go when he reveals his true colours - a baby won't, it's for life (trust me, mine are in their twenties and I STILL worry about them).

If you really want a baby, then find yourself a sperm bank. Don't kid yourself it was a 'happy accident' with this loser.

There's a takeaway near me. I use it when I can't be arsed making something better or going somewhere nicer. It's cheap, easy and convenient.
I wouldn't take my friends there, it's the lazy can't be arsed option.

You're that takeaway to him.

Why are you not on contraception?
Why aren't you insisting on using condoms?
Please get an STI check and get on some contraception.
This is madness.

and like most people began a sort of "friend with benefits" relationship with a guy in my building

I'm clearly not like most people then, as I've never had a FWB relationship with a guy in my building. Bit difficult, as there's only one other flat in my building with a guy in it but as I'm not gay, that's not really for me.

Bizarrely, I've not had a FWB relationship with a woman either. And oddly enough, neither have most of my friends, male or female.

Aside from this, you're a bit stupid, aren't you OP?

Then again, who doesn't love a really contentious and controversial first time poster...

Yeah, this really happened, didn't it?

Unless you want a baby and accept you’d be raising said baby alone you need to deal with the contraception now. Hopefully you aren’t pregnant already but he clearly doesn’t give two hoots about you’re well being playing risky games like that.

The only time the withdrawal method should ever be used imho is in a committed relationship where a baby would be welcomed.

Are you trying to get pregnant? Because that's what's going to happen

"...and like most people, began a “friends with benefits” relationship is that what most people do now? "

Most people don't have "friends with benefits" relationships.

I did, as a single person, and it suited me perfectly at the time but I got bored after about three months, didn't even fancy him any more, and ended it with no hard feelings. I wouldn't have risked pregnancy, always took precautions.

PS: It wasn't with a neighbour so no risk of bumping into him when it was over, or of anyone nearby knowing about it.

It sounds like you are clutching at straws with this guy hoping you are more to him than you are.

Would you secretly be happy if you fell pregnant? Because that's not a good way to make him commit to you, take it from someone who had a contraception failure while seeing a commitment phobe. What if he said he wanted nothing to do with you or the pregnancy? Would you still be secretly happy? Start taking some responsibility here.

It's not a question of what he's doing - it's a question of what YOU aren't doing!

You numpty! You are playing roulette with your sexual health and risking a pregnancy.

Unless you are actively trying for a baby, screw your head on and get some contraception.

Staying in, watching tv, smoking - yeah, sounds enthralling.

There's a takeaway near me. I use it when I can't be arsed making something better or going somewhere nicer. It's cheap, easy and convenient.I wouldn't take my friends there, it's the lazy can't be arsed option.You're that takeaway to him

Harsh but true, oh and grim. Very, very grim.

Please get some sense OP before the worst happens.

To answer the question regarding the morning after pill, yes I took it 2 days later due to me travelling. However the pharmacist said it should work fine.

It doesn't seem like either of you care about catching an std or getting pregnant tbh. Absolutely careless behaviour on both parts. You are both being unreasonable and acting like immature teenagers. Ultimately though, if you do end up pregnant, it'll be you with the difficult decisions to make, and you who will have to live with those decisions for the rest of your life. ABSOLUTE FOOLISHNESS.

You are being shockingly stupid and irresponsible. Time to grow up.

Sounds like you're both trying to get pregnant to me.

I'd be far more concerned about what STIs he's carrying tbh. He doesn't seem to give a shit, he could have not given a shit with many woman before you who also had a fuck it attitude to their sexual health.

AIDS an syphilus is still fatal you know that right? Clamydia is a major cause of infertility and there is no permanent cure for the itchy scabby hell of herpies ... if he casually does this to you he’s done it before !
Get the morning after and std check up ASAP and never be so stupid again

What the fuck are you doing, op??? Have you heard of STIs??

Why do you think so little of yourself?

"He came inside of me. He must love me and wants us to have a child together."

No. Really no, never.

I'm very glad you took the morning after pill, postinganon. Phew! That's one thing you don't have to worry about.

Please, please take the advice everyone has given you regarding contraception and being checked for STIs. He probably hasn't given you an STI but better to be safe than sorry.

Don't let this 'friends-with-benefits' relationship stop you from going out and enjoying yourself, maybe meeting someone with whom you are compatible in more ways than sexual.

If you break up, I doubt if in a year he could remember your name. Get out and get out now!