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Original poster

What's he doing?

81 replies

postinganon · 10/07/2019 00:28

I'm in my mid to late 20's and out of a long term relationship, and like most people began a sort of "friend with benefits" relationship with a guy in my building. He's in his late 30's and recently single himself.

The reason I say "sort of" is because he knows I like him a lot. I told him this when I was quite drunk, but at the time he was in a relationship and said he did like me too but we couldn't act on it.

He knows I'm not on any contraception and we only started having sex recently, so it's not an ongoing thing, and also not a relationship because we don't go out. We just stay home, smoke, watch movies.

This may be TMI, but our method of contraception is withdrawal. Very dumb and playing with fire I know! But the last time I saw him, which was recently, he finished inside me and didn't care or seem shocked. I asked him if he did and he said yes.

Is he trying to get me pregnant or does he just not care?

OP posts:
Myfoolishboatisleaning · 10/07/2019 02:18

and like most people, began a “friends with benefits” relationship is that what most people do now? Fucking hell sounds so boring. I think I prefer our way in the nineties where we went out having a fucking brilliant time and shagged (always with a condom) bright young things we picked up. There is plenty of time to get stuck in watching TV with someone when you are old and grey. My old gimmer advice to you is use a fucking condom, you may now be pregnant, you may now have chlamydia. Nice.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/07/2019 02:35

So, are you trying to convince yourself that he wants you to have his baby? Because I can tell you for a 1000% certainty that that is categorically NOT true.

He's like all too many men, he either doesn't give a shit to begin with or he's irresponsible and allowed himself to get 'caught up' in the moment. Either one is foolish at best and disastrous at worst.

And many men know that they are able to walk away from an unintended pregnancy. Sure, they may (hopefully) have to pay maintenance, but that is a very small part of the job of raising a child. Easy to write a check once a month. Not so easy to do the day to day slog of child-rearing.

Yes, he absolutely should be wearing a condom each and every time. And if he refuses you shouldn't let his bare penis anywhere near you. ANYWHERE!!!

But also please, I beg you, get reliable contraception for yourself. Not just because of him, but for any relationships you may have in the future. You do NOT want to find yourself pregnant unless you 1-want a child and most importantly 2-in a position to raise that child.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/07/2019 02:43

Oh, and once an FWB relationship gets 'out of balance', as in one person liking the other more, then it's time to end it.

Derbee · 10/07/2019 02:44

Aside from the obvious risk of pregnancy and STI risks, why on earth would you have sex with someone who has no respect for you?

AnyFucker · 10/07/2019 02:47

Jesus.

Hidingtonothing · 10/07/2019 04:40

He doesn't care, and why should he, it's not him who will be left to deal with the consequences is it? If you do get pregnant you won't see him for dust and you will be left to make all the decisions and deal with everything alone. You're going to have to start looking after yourself here OP, you're sleepwalking into a situation which could turn your life upside down and it's worrying that you don't have enough care and respect for yourself to see that.

StarlightLady · 10/07/2019 06:13

Buy a large supply of condoms and then find another friend who is respectful to share them with.

MarthasGinYard · 10/07/2019 06:21

Ugh

Find some self respect

Get an STI check

MarthasGinYard · 10/07/2019 06:22

'What's he doing?

WTF are YOU doing? '

Oh

And this

Afteryoux · 10/07/2019 06:29

Your situation is not ‘like most people.’

thedevilcamefromthehimber · 10/07/2019 06:32

Get on some form of contraception! It's up to you as much as him to protect yourself!

Flamingnora123 · 10/07/2019 06:34

My husband and I used the withdrawal method 9 months ago. Our beautiful third child was born on Saturday.

Preggosaurus9 · 10/07/2019 06:38

Yuck this is disgusting. He's using you as a wank sock OP. You can do much better for yourself.

Isatis · 10/07/2019 06:51

Contrary to your perception, having a "friends with benefits" relationship isn't what "most people" do. In answer to your question, he doesn't care. Please find someone who does.

TheVanguardSix · 10/07/2019 06:54

Girl, YOU are trying to get YOU pregnant. You are responsible for you. Do not rely on him to be careful. Your body, your choice, and all that.
Be smart!
Get on contraception, FFS!

C0untDucku1a · 10/07/2019 06:57

Getting pregnant wont make this a real relationship. It will make you a single mother.

Justathinslice · 10/07/2019 07:07

Aw...withdrawal. Both my kids were conceived that way.

He finished inside you because it feels nicer, and because he probably suspected you wouldn't make a fuss.

He's not trying to get committed, or marking you as " his woman" he's just pushing your boundary ( successfully) because it suits him.

You and only you have responsibility for your health and for protecting your body.

If you choose to continue this arrangement, then of course, that's your prerogative. He has just shown you though that you cannot trust him to protect your health.

Scarlettmaid · 10/07/2019 07:18

It is not FWB because you like him. You are even allowing yourself a very twisted ' does he like me back?' moment because he lacked the self control to withdraw.
He doesn't respect you, let alone like you
You are a convenient shag for his lazy ass.
Dump him, dump him, dump him.
He will show up again when he is bored, slam the door in his face.
He is taking advantage of you.
Get yourself checked out , get contraception and move on.

NabooThatsWho · 10/07/2019 07:28

OP you need to take a step back from this situation and spend some time figuring out why you are risking getting pregnant/catching STDs from a guy who you aren’t in a relationship with.

He could be shagging about all over the place without condoms and could pass anything onto you, does that not worry you? Never mind getting pregnant!

Do not have sex with this man again without insisting on condoms (and get yourself checked out too).

SimplySteveRedux · 10/07/2019 07:36

Maybe he does want to get OP pregnant, if he doesn't work he could be thinking of tax credits and child benefit to improve his lifestyle.

SimplySteveRedux · 10/07/2019 07:38

With kindness, where is your self respect and self worth OP? Withdrawal isn't contraception, pre-cum contains semen, and he's actually now ejaculating inside you. If you continue you will wind up pregnant, absolute certainty.

Miniloso · 10/07/2019 07:44

What a car crash situation.

I feel for the poor child you might have who is not going to even have a chance of having two loving parents.

He’s a fuck wit and you seem very irresponsible.

MashedSpud · 10/07/2019 07:50

He was probably too wasted to give a shit.

You stay in, smoke weed, stare at the tv and have sex. If you get pregnant do you think he will suddenly quit weed and make the effort to be a good dad? Think again.

Allornothingnow · 10/07/2019 07:50

How many other women at work is he doing this with? Or out of work for that matter. You could all get pregnant at the same time as he doesn’t seem to be taking much care.

cakecakecheese · 10/07/2019 08:01

Wow just wow. Erm ok OP some men, probably because they're not the ones you can get pregnant, will just leave the contraception to the woman and not care as long as they get their end away. Just because you told him you're not on anything doesn't mean he's taken much notice, he probably just assumes it'll be fine.

Stop having sex with him as you have feelings that don't seem to be reciprocated and please please please use condoms with new partners until they can provide you with evidence that they are STI free.