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Original poster

Partner going on holiday with ex and kids

111 replies

SimoneW86 · 08/07/2019 10:09

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my partner for 2 months. He left his ex to be with me. he has 2 children with his ex. They had previously booked a holiday whilst still together and he has just told me he still intends to go. I feel very uncomfortable with the idea of him going away with his ex. He says it’s just for the kids sake and only going as it was already planned before the split and won’t happen again etc. I just can’t help but feel it’s a little disrespectful going away with your ex whilst you have a new partner. I do trust him and trust nothing will happen as he left her for me so I trust he wants me, but I just feel disrespected. How do I get over this?

OP posts:
PlinkPlink · 08/07/2019 11:24

These threads never go well. OW threads never go well.

You're being ripped to shreds already so there's no need for me to add to that pile on.

Your partner probably wants to keep things as normal as possible for the kids. It's not about you, or your relationship, or even his relationship with his ex. It's about his kids.

And that is a good thing. You should be pleased that he is putting his kids needs above everything else. He's doing it despite how uncomfortable it might be for him and despite the risk of things breaking down with you.

So, no, not disrespectful.

mmmmbopp · 08/07/2019 11:28

You will never get a very supportive response on MN as you are the OW. If it were me in your shoes, I would not feel comfortable and would raise it with him.

If I was his stb ex wife, I wouldn't want him coming on holiday with me anyway. Where does she stand with him/you being together? Does she want him back? Or did it end up being fairly amicable?

Marriages break down/affairs happen (both me and women at fault). It doesn't necessarily mean he would cheat on you in future. But being with a man with kids from a previous relationship, especially one that is so fresh can be very difficult, especially during their de-coupling process. Good luck with it all.

PinkCrayon · 08/07/2019 11:30

You have met the kids already Blush
What sort of father does that to his children and wife so close after leaving the family after having an affair.
Parents splitting up is a big deal for children to then introduce you so soon is awful. How confusing for them and selfish to not let them have time to adjust, hes already shown to you hes untrustworthy by having an affair with you.
If he treats his wife and children like that what makes you think he will treat you any better?

As far as the holiday goes the novelty of you has worn off. You were probably new and exciting. He has realised he has missed his family, wife included and wants to spend time with them. Dont doubt for a second hes doing this for the kids because if he was he wouldnt have introduced you so quickly.
He sounds like one of those people who make brash decisions without thinking it through the long term effects.

Put yourself in the wifes shoes for a minute then say to yourself what you have written here. You will see how ridiculous you sound. (Hopefully)

Fridaycantsleepdoh1 · 08/07/2019 11:31

The kids will have known about the holiday for months and months before your affair came out. The kids will be excited and looking forward to it... it is about the kids not you unfortunately.
It’s not disrespectful, it probably the only half respectful thing your now partner has done.
It will be a test of your relationship but probably at a good stage where you can walk away

SophyStantonLacy · 08/07/2019 11:35

What is disrespectful about it? Serious question.

Whackitupto200 · 08/07/2019 11:37

This is what happens when you ‘win’ a cheater. You can never trust them because you know they’re capable of lying to the people they’re supposed to love.

That was his wife. But now it’s you.

You either need to lie in the bed you made or get out of it.

JacquelineEdwards · 08/07/2019 12:01

I've been there, I started dating someone while he still had a longer-term partner overseas, and he eventually broke up with her, but I never really felt comfortable with him because of that.
I kept on distrusting him to the point where he started give me reasons to, then the whole relationship turned to poison. I would never get into a similar relationship ever again, but i am glad i did and learned that if you can trust him to start with, its probably not going to get better over time.

DearLady · 08/07/2019 12:21

Agree with JE, my biggest regret in life & the one thing I’d erase if I could, is getting involved with a married man.
Luckily I came to my senses when he started taking babies... I learned from it, but still. It was wrong!

WomanLikeMeLM · 08/07/2019 12:27

Tough shit op, you broke a family up, this is about doing the right thing for his kids, not you. Deal with it.

DioneTheDiabolist · 08/07/2019 12:28

We're a week into school holidays in NI.

slaps1983 · 08/07/2019 12:42

I would not be happy in your situation but you need to think of the kids. You DP isn't going away with his ex, he's going away with his DC. Just because your DP has split with his ex doesn't mean it should impact on the DC. They still deserve a mother & father who can be amicable with each other and be the best parents they can be. I think it's lovely that they want to do this. And if you can deal with this, maybe in a few years when the ex has moved on with a new partner you could all go away together, for the sake of the DC. Co-parenting is hard, and if you trust him then I would try and support him in this.

worriedandannoyed · 08/07/2019 12:46

Disrespectful? How much respect did you have for his ex and his children when you had an affair with him? How disgusting

Stripyhoglets · 08/07/2019 12:51

Of course you can help who you fall in love with - your posts are full of text book cliches! Anyway - I don't think you have a leg to stand on when it comes to respect from this man. But let his kids have their holiday with their father at least!

OKBobble · 08/07/2019 12:52

If she is prepared to let him go then she definitely wants to make a go of things with him and have him back. Otherwise she would tell him to do one! I suspect he will be going back and you will soon be that blip that they got over in 2019!

peardrops1 · 08/07/2019 12:58

Yeah, I don't think you're going to get a huge amount of sympathy with this, OP.

NameChangeNugget · 08/07/2019 13:00

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GimmieTheCoffeeAndNooneDies · 08/07/2019 13:02

Why not go with him? If he objects you know where you stand.

sneakypinky · 08/07/2019 13:02

Oooohhh the crushing irony.

If I were her i'd try to shag him on holiday.

MonkeyTrap · 08/07/2019 13:03

I agree. It is disrespectful to holiday with your ex when you have a new partner. not to mention it’s fucking weird anyway.

Are you living together? Where is he living? Are you sure this isn’t a band aid, be a happy family holiday? Him and his wife must be sharing a room?

I think he’s an idiot, this must be massively confusing for the children and you’re being a bit foolish too.

Sorry OP the whole thing stinks.

MonkeyTrap · 08/07/2019 13:04

If I were her i'd try to shag him on holiday.

Really? If I were her I’d kick his ass out and never look back.

tisonlymeagain · 08/07/2019 13:09

I went on holiday last year with my ex and kids and I was in a new relationship. It was booked a long time before and was way too much money to lose.

GimmieTheCoffeeAndNooneDies · 08/07/2019 13:10

Apparently what you do is shag your ex, whilst arranging for him to 'accidentally FaceTime the new woman.
Then you sell your story to Take a Break with the headline 'my husband had his girlfriend on speed dial'.

IceQueenCometh · 08/07/2019 13:18

If he did it to her he'll do it to you. Fact.

Have some self respect and leave him alone. If you must continue this adultery then don't ever expect to be respected by anyone.

FFS.

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 08/07/2019 13:25

Brace yourself for the single life once he's back. He'll be back with the wife and kids.

Serves you right.

Eliza9919 · 08/07/2019 13:46

MonkeyTrap Mon 08-Jul-19 13:04:53
If I were her i'd try to shag him on holiday.

Really? If I were her I’d kick his ass out and never look back.

I'd shag him and make sure OP knew about it, then dump him.

But then you shouldn't mind, should you op, as you were shagging him while she was, before she chucked him out so what difference does it make?