Can a relationship work if you're aren't sexually compatible?

[blobbywobby]

So, name changed for this as my posts under my usual name are identifying so don't want this one to be linked!

So, I've been seeing someone for a few months. We get on like a house on fire. I could talk to him for what feels like forever. He makes me laugh, good company and all that good stuff.

Except.... oh my God. In the bedroom

It's taken us a while to even get into the bedroom for all sorts of logistical reasons. But we did have an opportunity this week....

It. Was. Awful.

I barely got anything back from him, he largely just lay on his back and I couldn't even tell whether he was enjoying it!

I've never had this before and it just made me feel a bit.... shit. Like I was unattractive or not exciting him. There was just no bloody chemistry there at all and I've really got no desire to go there again!

But what does that mean for us? I can't imagine a life where I never have sex but equally I really like the guy and don't want to lose the companionship I have in him in.

I wouldn't even know where to start with feeding back or talking to him because it was just so.... meh. It's not like there was a technique or something I could say I'd like him to do differently because he just really didn't participate all that much

I'm early 30s so hopefully a lot of years ahead and I'd quite like to have some good sex in them!

Any advice.... please?!

My head is no clearer 🙉

There is something very ‘off’ about a man just lying there and waiting to be serviced. Obviously the female-superior position is fairly common sexual repertoire, but it seems a bit servant-like? I would worry more about the attitudes revealed by his posture and non-action than if he had come along with enthusiastic but brief missionary, or a touch of ED brought on by nerves.

Well, until you mentioned oral I was all for you trying again in case it was first time nerves. I know myself and that I don't want a partner who won't do oral. Depends how important it is to you...

The answer is. Have sex again, and be on guard about if it’s clearly selfish and he’s an arsehole or he’s just extremely nervous and can’t tell you
I’m erring on the former I’m afraid. The oral comment was just fucking rude

Exactly maybe.

Sex generally in my experience (with good compatible partners) gets better as you go along. As in the first couple of times might be a bit awkward, getting to know each other's ways etc and as your spark builds it should get better. If you've had sex a few times then you should know if you're compatible. A guy telling me doesn't like oral and won't be doing it is just a non starter for me. Also, asking you if you actually enjoy doing it. It all just feels awful.

I am in a new relationship and although we get on brilliantly I really really like him. I knew that If it wasn't good in the bedroom from quite early on then I wouldn't be pursuing it. Luckily he's amazing 😊😬 Which makes me feel even more passionate about this.
You need a conversation 😬

@CantstandmLMs I know what you mean. I think it was the use of the word 'actually'.

This is a no-brainer, FFS, life is way too short for awful sex, it really is.

I agree with pp, if it had just been a bit crap I would try again, maybe initiating things I liked. But his comments about oral would finish it for me. I like vaginal sex but never orgasm from it. Masturbation I can do myself, but receiving oral is fantastic and I like a man who enjoys it so he can give me great orgasms I couldn't achieve myself, in return he gets great oral from me.

Dump him!

blobby, do yourself a huge favour here. This man isn't giving this a second thought, he's fine being crap in bed, and you are the one who is stressing about it. Just end it. It will never get better, it's not your job to sort him out, he's fine being who he is (when people show you who they are, believe them) and he will never like oral. You just end it! Really, yes, that simple. 'I've had a great time and it's been fun, but don't see a future in this relationship and feel the time has come for me to move on. All the best to you, bobblyx' and you move on.

I think you are going to have to do it again!

But this time you will be prepared and can be more vocal about stuff. Maybe have a chat beforehand if you are getting in the mood with each other - you might be able to say casually I wasn't sure if you enjoyed it when I gave you a blowjob last time. Did you? ........... Ask him what he likes. Try and gauge where the hell he is coming from!!

I don't know. If you really feel he is nice it's got to be worth a chat or something??

If you like him enough to have sex then have a conversation - ask him what he thought of the sex last time, was there anything he likes, anything to avoid? I think it’s a heck of a lot to expect from one shag to be POW sexually compatible. It can take time to work out a rhythm and be able to communicate about sex. Just talk to him!

No oral? No point!

No it doesn't.

@blobbywobby, did you talk to him? If so, how did it go?

I’d not give him a second chance. It’s not like he was trying but just was a bit clueless.

I expect He’s had sex with prostitution women or spends too much time on porn . These men expect it the women to do everything because sex is all about them and their orgasm.