Dinner Party hell

[dinnerpartyhell]

Please tell me what I am doing wrong.

It is customary where we live for friends to have lots of dinner parties, these range from silver service formal dinners all the way through to a relaxed buffet style supper.

I absolutely detest them, I hate hosting them with the two days of cleaning, cooking and preparing. The nerves that it will all go wrong (I am no Nigella) the endless inane conversations with people I barely know or care about. I try to talk to more interesting people, but after a few hours I have had enough even with the most sparkling character.

I don't even like going to other people's houses where it is the same in reverse. I like seeing my closer friends, but this all adds a layer stress/formality that is not normally present when we see each other day to day.

Please tell me why you enjoy them? (if you do) and what I can do to enjoy them more. I would have no friends if I opted out, as everyone has them. I wish I could enjoy them more, but I really don't. I dread them now, and it has got worse as time has gone on, not better. Everyone seems to go out every single weekend, and we are knackered from working long hours and caring for dc. How do you have energy to do this? After another weekend, I am exhausted today and really ready to throw in the towel and move to a desert island.

It seems like you have 2 options. Either run for the hills with coffee friend or start to enjoy the dinner.

You do sound like you are in an everlasting episode of come dine with me jus without the prize.

Could you introduce something like a murder mystery?

Could You suggest a Jacob's join?

And you need a couple of easy recipes and things you can make ahead.

Chicken liver pate is simple. You have to make it ahead and you can even freeze it.

Some sort of stew / casserole would not need too much attention.
Cheese cake is again simple and can be made ahead.

I'm glad someone mentioned raclette, I have one and love it, make sure it's oe that will go in the dishwasher.

have you ever thought of doing a murder or racing game party - the food part is less important & the whole thing is geared about socializing as a fun thing? or ditto card games if you want more upmarket my friends & family do this &part of it is getting into the role (& dressing for the part - we invade charity shops :) )

“I like a clean house” Flowers and scented bedclothes, lace-edged guest towels....

I think I have just worked out why the only thing your husband will cook is potato and cauliflower- you have one of those all-white houses and you don’t allow the children to have coloured food in case it stains the carpet, right?

tagine! anything from a slow cooker cold desserts & posh ice cream

It’s not the food so much it’s the men who get so drunk because they too don’t want to be there

Why would you be friends with these people? They dropped that other lady when she didn’t want to do dinner parties? Are these people even friends or just social climbers? Get yourself a bunch of friends who will be there when you need help in an emergency. If you were long term sick and couldn’t host for 3 months they’d drop you! This is one of the weirdest things I’ve read. I see people I like for bbqs and fondue or pub nights! No stress and lots of fun. I don’t clean the house before they come because they are proper friends and don’t give a shit

My friends are fine, most of them anyway, it is the husbands.

OP - this is your problem.

I do dinner parties with girlfriends - much more fun. And really simple food with every cheat going. Lots of wine.

I only do the menfolk with v close friends, where I know the husbands well. The dynamic between an all women group, and a group with husbands as well is just so different.

Can you start a trend with women-only and send the guys down the pub??

I am worried about the length of the thread, and one of my friends actually reading this now

I wouldn't worry about one of your friends reading this thread, OP. Crack on.

Send the guys down the pub
In a time machine back to the 1970s you mean Zebras?

The men don’t want to hang out together anywhere

I rarely socialise with my friends husbands. We usually socialise just us. Maybe with the DH once or twice a year, and always "out"

You need to change the set up here. Just be honest and say you are fed up with the hosting and want to have a night out with your mates. I suspect you won't be the only one who hates it.

If they don't want to do that then just drop out. It sounds hideous

Shut the dog in the Boot Room twenty minutes before guests due to arrive.

I think the dog could be your saviour. Tell everyone that your dog has severe social anxiety which manifests itself in very physical ways so you are cutting down on entertaining. I do empathise, although I have not done scary entertaining for years. Even with friends and family whom I love, I still get anxious until everything is on the table. I am a good cook and try and cook things that can be prepared in advance. I also love the different glasses, posh napkins thing and nobody would ever complain (well one person who shall be nameless) but still get a bit stressed.

not Its sounds like you know my house! I do feed my children coloured food it has to be said. All of our floors are wooden, so no issues with white carpets.

marsha Yes I would agree, the only way to get through them trust me is to drink your own body weight in roja.

nettie That is a cunning plan. The dog's therapist has insisted we keep the house free of guests for a while!!!!! I have the feeling this would be very acceptable too.
I get stressed with the whole thing I try not to, and by now you would think I had it in the bag, so to speak, but no it is always stressful. As I am getting older, I feel less inclined to be flexible and tolerant. I can't be bothered to be polite all the time either. Fortunately it seems no on notices nor cares. I am becoming THAT lady it seems.

I think if you force fun on them or dressing up you’ll have more than a hand towel to worry about ; (Floors / bedding)

I get you on the politeness thing

Is dinner party code for swinging?

My mum and dad used to do this back in the 80s with all the neighbours from their naice cul de sac. Even as a child it put me off hosting anything much for life. We just do bbqs, to be honest.

marsha I am totally sick of being nice. I watched killing eve, and thought I want to be more like you! Not in a killing way of course, but she answers only to herself.

Ilove Not with these thighs Pixie!

you You should thank your parents, seriously, they suffered so you didn't have to.

In a time machine back to the 1970s you mean Zebras?

No, I don't think it's old fashioned to enjoy a night with female friends, is it? Or aren't we women allowed to gather socially without our men present any more?

I didn;t learn wine came in bottles until later in life. I thought it always came in boxes, because that's all any of the adults used to drink/bring over for the dinner parties.

You should thank your parents, seriously, they suffered so you didn't have to

lol

I know what a fish kettle is. It was just the way it was assumed everyone had one! (they don't). Or a boot room. Is that a room solely for boots?? I need one!

Zebras of course we can, but we don’t need to assume that the men need to be shepherded and sent to the pub together while we do that. And maybe the women want to go to the pub anyway. Maybe the men would rather stay in their individual homes polishing their bikes or playing computer games or reading a book or just, you know, deciding for themselves where to hang out?

A boot room holds all boots, coats and outdoor things. It is very hard to keep tidy, but is a good place to put whiny dogs or ones that beg for food and cause embarrassment.