To think im not relationship material?

[EtonM3ss]

i wonder if anyone else feels like me. I find relationships wearing and hard work. I dont really want to hear all about the others person's life and work issues. I dont really want to be involved with their family and the issues that brings. Id be crap in a relationship wouldn't i?

Yep, me too! I've already had one child, I definitely don't want another, so I'll just be over here on the "I Can Do What I Want Whenever I Want" sofa.

I hate them! Never managed more than 2.5 years as I get so bloody bored. Single parent in a very happy team of two

I thought it was just me

Me too, I like the idea of having a relationship but after a couple dates with someone it all seems really boring listening to someone go on about their life and their problems, I don’t want to get involved with someone else’s children (mine are bad enough).

Snuggling on the sofa = f*cking boring
Meeting their family = why would I want too?
Sharing a bed with someone that snores = not a chance.

Maybe I haven’t found the right person/people, maybe there is someone out there that I will find interesting and I will like them so much I won’t be annoyed by their disgusting habbits.

I think the vast majority of people either want a family; want someone to help look after their own family; or just default into that kind of sofa-bound obligation without really questioning whether they really want it, or whether there's actually something different to be had.

I want something different, and I'm happy to stay on my own until I find it - or stay on my own indefinitely.

So, in other words, I think you are relationship material, OP - and many of us other posters here. It's just that our definitions of relationship in our society are woefully lacking in imagination.

If by "relationship" you mean receptacle and problem solver for all his fucking whinging problems and intermediary to his nutty family so he doesnt have to deal with them...not too many of us are relationship material.

A proper partnership with a normal man, from a normal family would suit me (and most women) down to the ground.

Totally agree, @PicsInRed. It's a sobering fact that few adults are actually really grown-ups, i.e. not looking for someone to save them/be their parent/complete them.

It pisses me off no end.

Furious i spend lots of time on "I Can Do What I Want Whenever I Want" sofa. 😂😂😂😂

i think my issue is that i start off too nice then get reeled in then think oh fuck this

Yes, I've been guilty of that too, @EtonM3ss. I am now direct and pragmatic, and if someone is put off by that, then it wasn't going to work anyway. I am far less invested in being "likeable".

No, not just you.

Men who want a confident, independent woman are a myth!

What they really want is someone whose insecurities don't impact on them in anyway but who is fearful of being alone and so toes the line. But quietly so. Without drama.

A few years ago, I would have called you cynical, @CandlesOnTheHearth. Now I find myself in full agreement with you. Not all men, but most - and far more than would care to admit.

My options have worked themselves down to the finest of slivers. It's hard not to feel resentful at times.

AFistfulofDolores1

A few years ago, I'd have thought this cynical too!

I dont know how we, as a society, have so successfully raised such emotionally incompetent men, tbh. Well I do - it's patriarchy and toxic masculinity - but it doesn't benefit anyone for men to collectively be this way. And it's not innate- it's learnt.

Even the men I meet (not just relationship wise, I'm including colleagues and friends' partners too) who appear to not be like this show their true colours when the mask slips.

I find that most men are capable of being loyal, honest, loving and supportive when everything is going their way. But the second there is any challenge to their 'authority', it's gone.

I have a friend who said to me the other day, after I was lamented my single status, "Mate, all blokes are twats. It's just about finding one who is less of a twat than the others."

I'm definitely not scared of being alone its less hassle

I've found my people!
Feel like a part time partner is what I need, someone who appears for chats and cuddles when I need them and then disappears when I want to be left alone and not listen to their tedious waffle.

im a self centred cow

I'm a lesbian and look at most women in heterosexual relationships and think they seem dulled/dumbed down and oppressed by the men they are with, and think they are way too good for the men they are with. My straight single friends always seem happier and stronger for being single I rarely think that my friends who are in lesbian relationships seem oppressed.

And I can only stand the company of men for two hours, then I'm bored rigid. The male experience of life is a mile away from my experience of life.

etonm3ss the older I get the more I realise that the person I most like spending time with is ... me!

joy I agree with you. I'm always happier, more confident and feel stronger when I'm single. It is sad though, because I would like to know what it is to he loved and i would like to have someone to share my life with.

I have a friend who never seems to have difficulties in her relationships with women - and the quality of the relationships seems to be so much better.

She tells me there are plenty of women to go round if I want to go over to her side... but, sadly, I like cock.

What can you do? 🤷‍♀️

Same, I'm just not that interested in other people, much prefer my own company. My tolerance for pointless chitchat is zero, or worse talking about other people which is all everyone around me seems to do. Also hate snuggling, whether on the sofa or in bed, I feel suffocated, I need actual space around me. I'm dreading ds becoming an adult and still living with me.

YES! You have articulated so much of what I feel. When I think back on my past relationships (all short, had two that lasted a year and those are my longest), so many things stick out to me and they’re all negative. The entire dynamic of a relationship really exacerbates my anxiety so I’ve always felt more relaxed, happy and calm when single. And the expectation to act like one half of an entity - noooo thanks. I’m living alone now and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life!

I read threads on here with incredulity a lot of the time, especially ones about policing your partner’s free time and scheduling in ‘family time’ 🤮. I cannot imagine ever being happy in a situation where i can’t be spontaneous and do what I want whenever I want on a whim. Even threads about it being so lovely to have the house to yourself for the night because you can watch what you want on TV and eat what you like - I would never want a relationship where I can’t do those things! I come first. I like coming first. I don’t even want to have to think about someone else’s dietary requirements when I’m doing a food shop, it’s too much mental hassle. If I ever enter into a relationship - and I am perfectly happy with the thought of being single for life - it would have to be with someone as independent and selfish as I am or it would never work

Another can't be arsed here OP. I guess I'd like a man for dates and short holidays perhaps sometimes. But together all the time, no!

I think you if you marry or get together when you are young it is much easier. When you have been "single" most of your life, I think you are kidding yourself that you are genuinely looking for the special one! Most couples who seem to last the course seem to grow into their marriage when they marry young (or at least under 35). Some have happy marriages after that but I think they are the minority.

Settles in on thread sofa (without snuggling) with new-found soul mates.

Yup, when I look back on my life, all the really interesting stuff I've done (travel, adventures, achievements) - all done while single. Being in a relationship settles into boring domesticity all too quickly.

Having DS is totally different - we go all over the place and do really great stuff.

Oh, and I get to starfish across the double bed. And have precisely the right bedclothes for my menopause symptoms.

I don't want to be someone's emotional lifter. FWB seems to be the easiest solution for companionship without serious obligation, but I doubt that works in the long run.