To think im not relationship material?

[EtonM3ss]

i wonder if anyone else feels like me. I find relationships wearing and hard work. I dont really want to hear all about the others person's life and work issues. I dont really want to be involved with their family and the issues that brings. Id be crap in a relationship wouldn't i?

I'm in a lesbian marriage and feel I can eat what I want, do what I want, go where I want, say what I want, express myself, be free and creative, AND feel loved and supported as well as being loving and supportive to my wife. There is no dynamic around pandering to the male gaze or the male ego

I wouldn’t mind an occasional companion but I’m not giving enough to be in a relationship. I really can’t see me cooking for a man ever again. I just wouldn’t want to.

Me too. I love having friends and am quite the social butterfly when the mood takes. But I really don't think I'm up for the commitment of a 'conventional' (for want of a better word) relationship.

Of course this all comes with my usual caveat of 'Never say never' because, you know, who knows?

We gratefully thankfully have a big house and an enormous bed. Both help a lot, the bed especially.

I'll just be over here on the "I Can Do What I Want Whenever I Want" sofa

Very funny, FuriousVexation. What a name!!!

*Bitgold

Another can't be arsed here OP. I guess I'd like a man for dates and short holidays perhaps sometimes. But together all the time, no!

I think you if you marry or get together when you are young it is much easier. When you have been "single" most of your life, I think you are kidding yourself that you are genuinely looking for the special one! Most couples who seem to last the course seem to grow into their marriage when they marry young (or at least under 35). Some have happy marriages after that but I think they are the minority*

Sorry but I don't agree . I met someone when I was 17 we married when I was 19. First child at 21, second at 25 . He was 2 years older then me . As I hit my 30s it felt as if I had 3 children. I grew up , he didn't .
The person you are as a teenager is not the same person you are when you get to 30. I'm not married to him now.

Sorry

Yes, I get that. People do outgrow each other, VictoriaBun, and this is the problem with generalisations. I think what I am trying to say is that if you have been single, more or less, most of your life, it is harder to adjust to coupledom. I guess thats stating the bleeding-obvious.

Omg this is me. I have nothing else to add as the previous posters have explained it all so well and I am in whole hearted agreement!

I’m home.... I just can’t tolerate a relationship. I just dumped a good one perfect on paper, good in the sack, but OMG how boring, always in my business, even asking what I had for breakfast and what time I got up. 50+ Txt a day :0

I’m Single parent to a teenager and always have been a lone parent, maybe that’s y? Who knows. But I do know, for whatever reason I’m not capable of being in a serious relationship and I can’t even date some1 who is slightly sexist, misogynistic or controlling.

Another one here that's not relationship material. Love not having to consider a partner.

As I've got older, I've got more selfish and have learnt to put myself first. Love being single.

I have no compromise in me, and I know it's a fault

I'm definitely not relationship material. I've been married and have dated LT and just found it hard work, really.

My best male friend says about me that I should have been the politically savvy mistress of an ambitious duke and that it would have suited me perfectly - unlike the role of wife and mother to the heir.

In his defense, he apologised profusely when I pointed out that the closest thing alive today to what he describes is BoJo and that I'd rather convert to Catholicism and become a nun.

Taken I was quite surprised recently (I think reading about Teresa of Avila) that some earlier nuns had quite a lot of freedom. Though they devoted their lives to God, of course, at that time/place they could have their own pets, receive friends and visitors. So, there were positives ....

But anyway, enjoying this thread alot .

I'd like to he loved in a relationship, just so that I know it's possible really.

So that I know I'm 'loveable'. But beyond that..? No.

Or rather, I'd like to experience being loved in a relationship.

But, no, I am much happier when single.

There’s a serious amount of stereo typing on here. I know plenty of men who would be just fine with you being yourself. I mean that’s normal impo. I’ve never been out with one who wasn’t like that.
And I’ve known a lesbian friends in really toxic relationships
Guess what! You can’t really blanket explain people by their sex! Funny that.

Just don’t go out with dickheads.

Me too!
I've dated here and there since separating from my XH 7 years ago but nothing serious. I've tried different things on but the thing that fits (at the moment) is non monogamous relationships, none of which are very intense. Totally removed the 'where is this going' question and the sense of obligation that seems to follow me in traditional relationships. I certainly won't have another man living with me or having any kind of family life with me and DS.
I think the problem is that at the grand age of nearly 40 I find I'm just not all that interested in men's lives and wants. I love spending time with my friends who are all female but I find even the men I like to be tedious and sexist far too often.

I enjoy dating and sort of fell into my last relationship - I didn't want to be settling down and spending Friday nights watching his choice of TV and eating his choice of takeaway yet there I was! Was too worried about upsetting him to out myself first for too long.

I have no intention of settling down with anyone - I'm far too selfish!

Man here.......

Feel the same in a way. Divorced twice , single for the past 9 years. A 5 year relationship since & a couple of fwb's......but I like my own space & like watching sport on TV too much.

But I miss the sex. Doesn't seem that many of you do, but for me it's very important.

There’s a serious amount of stereo typing on here. I know plenty of men who would be just fine with you being yourself

No, no stereotyping from me, just speaking as I find. This has been my experience.

Along with the assumption that porn isn't a problem (and that it's 'normal') and the associated crap sex, whichbalso contributes to me deciding that I don't want a relationship.

But I miss the sex. Doesn't seem that many of you do, but for me it's very important.

Tbh, this is an issue for me - I think it's very important - but my experience (since my marriage ended coming up to a decade ago) is that the men I meet are either nor interested in sex because they've relied on porn so much; are a bit lazy when it comes to sex because they've relied on porn so much; or have varying degrees of ED either through age or too much porn and have no desire to take any responsibility for it in terms of improving the situation nor compensating for it.

Lack of sex is a big issue but I'd rather have no sex or a fwb than disappointing, disconnected or unsatisfying sex.

I wonder how many men's sex lives would improve generally if the quality of sex they were offering were better.

Not suggesting anything about you personally, hadthesnip!

I know plenty of men who would be just fine with you being yourself

Oh and I've met plenty who were fine with me being myself whilst until they encountered a part of 'myself' that they didnt approve of or didn't like.

And I'm not talking personality deficits or character flaws - generally just 'being' in ways that they disapproved of women being.

@CandlesOnTheHearth
Clearly you don’t understand the concept of stereotyping then!