To think I should probably leave DP 😔💔

[Isbrexitoveryet]

So, DP and I have been friends for years.
He’s actually my best friends big brother, so there is lots of intertwined life, going back many years, and I do love him and all his family so dearly. I do really love him. BUT I don’t love how he makes me feel a fair amount of the time.

He can be lovely and charming, especially in front of people. But he’s also stroppy, and cross, and angry and scary.
He hasn’t worked for years, has spent all my money, got me into crippling debt, refuses to support me or help me (he gets really cross if I haven’t done his laundry for example and he doesn’t have clean clothes) I had a trip planned for three days to see my parents and sister and he threw a tantrum so I couldn’t go, he won’t come to the hospital if I need a lift for example, and he won’t come with me to the vets with dog even through really it needs two people.
He will sometimes not talk to me for days but demand money, maybe £15 a day. (He smokes 30 a day, and drinks 3-5 tins of red bull. He doesn’t want children and I desperately do, he pressured me into a termination. And I just feel so tired. We have shared finances and a dog but no children. So there are some things I would neeed to sort. I am worried if I leave he will become homeless or kill himself. I feel so responsible, but I am so tired. I can’t keep on top of a big 3 bed house, work 55 hours a week in the NHS, cook all his meals, walk the dog for 3 hours a day, constantly have cash on tap, not be late ever, he wants me to do so much and I can’t keep up. I feel like I can’t breathe for trying to second guess and stop him from being cross. He hasn’t ever shown me any physical violence although he has punched and threatened to kill our dog.
I have been pretending I live such a perfect life, I have been lying to myself and everyone around me, I pretend that we are living the dream in our little cottage by the sea, but I am slowly breaking. I don’t really know what I want from this post. But I can’t keep hiding this. I really can’t. Can I do anything to help him. I’m trying so hard. I just don’t know what I can do anymore. 😔

You need to leave. He’s never going to change as long as he has you under his control, it will only get worse. You have to put yourself first in this situation. And if you tell your friend how her brother is treating you and she sides with him rather than you then she really isn’t much of a friend at all.

If someone punched one of my dogs, I'd break their fucking arms.

Leave him. He's a vile cunt.

You're not responsible for him. I can't believe you stayed with him after he hit your dog.
Why haven't you left yet?

I can’t get past the punching the dog thing.
Utter utter scumbag.
Run away because it’s you next.

He is a leech, he’s sucking you dry and has absolutely no concern for your thoughts, feelings or needs - only his own.

Time to scrape him off.

Oh my god, you're going to end up quite unwell if this carries on. He is disgusting. Please cut him out of your life for your own sake (and Ddog's). It's upsetting to think people live this this :(

Please have a look at the Freedom Programme, OP.

If anyone hurt any of my animals they'd be lucky to continue breathing! I actually can’t believe you stayed with someone like this or leave an innocent animal with “it”. “It” doesn’t deserve a title.

Leave the lazy fucker, stop funding him, rehome the dog and start living your life. If he’s no qualifications and nowhere to stay that’s his problem not yours. Frankly I’d be hoping that thing rotted in hell.

what is his reason for not working. is he ill. if so he needs to get help.

Why he had no job for years?

LTB

I may be being dense, but how can you have shared finances if he has no money?
OP, you must know that your life isn't what most people would think is normal. Please talk to people IRL. 💐

Please confide in your colleague at work - you really need to get everything off your chest and tell someone.

He is absolutely horrible to you, and as for what he did to your dog, words fail me. You need to protect your dog from further abuse and you need to get out of this relationship.

He won't change and it is not your job to martyr yourself trying to change him, or to look after him. He is an adult and he is not your responsibility. It isn't down to you to get help for him either, if he has a gambling addiction then the only way he will stop gambling is if he decides he wants to stop, and actively seeks help for himself. Nobody can make him change.

You say he is your best friend's brother and you know the rest of his family. Trust me, it will not have escaped their notice. They will know what he is really like underneath, and they will not blame you if you call it a day.

You deserve so much better than this. You are not responsible for him but you are responsible for yourself and your own happiness. Relationships are give and take and he contributes nothing, he just takes. He doesn't work and has punched your dog, next time it could be you or any children you may have that are on the receiving end of his punches.

Please, please leave. It sounds an unbearable way to live, and you will be so much happier without him. What he does or doesn't do after you leave isn't your responsibility. He is abusive. He is not treating you with any sort of love or kindness. Please get out before things get worse

It was going to be 100% LTB before the dog punching comment. Run away, fuck his feelings, I’ve been in your situation and you get over feeling sorry for them.

What everyone else has said. Leave him. He is responsible for himself.
Please contact women’s aid for some support

I just feel I will lose my friend too if I leave, and she is a massive part of my support network so that will be so hard

You only need a support network because you are with him.

If your friend is a true friend then she will support you. She must know he is what he is

Please if not for yourself then for your ddog get out of there.

I would be very concerned about your ddog if you leave ddog at home whilst you work.

Can you get ddog out of there to stay with someone, even a dog sitter whilst you throw him out or get somewhere else.

If you are working so many hours then renting the place you are in with ddog or somewhere smaller on your own will be so much cheaper.

Then you can get some proper R&R when you come in at night and don’t have to mentally physically and financially support any one else.

Also I wouldn’t worry about him being homeless.

He will probably return home to family till they get sick of him and then find someone else to support him.

I had so much sympathy until i realised he abuses your dog and you stay with him allowing it to continue..now i feel sorry for your poor defenceless animal and am so relived you have no children to allow him to abuse too!!

@DullPortraits

What an awful comment. FGS. OP - a human - is being abused. It's awful about the dog, but it's not OP's fault.

Horrible to blame the victim. 😡

I was in an extremely abusive relationship prior to this.

That's no reason to tolerate an relationship that's slightly less abusive or brings a different form of abuse. My first marriage was extremely abusive and I once found myself saying of the next control freak I unfortunately hooked up with 'But he's never hit me' and realised how unreasonable I was being to myself!

He's a lazy, abusive dickhead. What he chooses to do after you get out for the sake of your mental and physical health, and also for the sake of the dog, is up to him entirely and whatever he does, you will NOT be the one responsible for his decisions.

You really do need to leave.

OP I'm so sorry. This is abuse. You need to talk to someone (but not his family) and make plans to leave.

You can do it - you have financial means & can work out the loan / debt scenario.

Ltb with bells on!

One of the questions any Domestic Violence Support Worker will ask is, has your partner ever been violent to an animal? Because the violence starts like this, then they turn it on you.

You really need to make plans to leave, start your life afresh with someone who loves you, not with the muppet your with now.